Another Weird Dream

Not that weird actually, I saw my so called very recent ex doing his other gf ... Slightly before that he was with me ... So the moment I woke up, bukak insta and saw something about forgiveness ... But I refused, because I think he's being so mean ... Almost cost me another job, cut down all my connections ... My friends, my activities was all in a controlled numbers the moment I start spending time with him ...

So I was looking for a title that will match the situation, A Weird Dream catch my attention ... Really huh ?? Reading it back made me mad at myself ... Just like 2 years ago, I let things interrupt my career ... The exact word - 'Even when I'm barely knew them, then they ended up messing my work' ... And as far as I'm concerned, my work is the only thing I cared about ... Besides my family, and I do keep my job/get a better one to make them happy ...

Boifren ?? That is somebody I toss away in every 6 weeks ... At average, haih ... Often when it happened, I'll play victim ... We broke up on Tuesday, I go chop of my hair on Thursday ... On Friday, I got the urge to buy 'Why Men Marry Bitches' ... The first chapter already upsets me, masuk second chapter I'm already became annoyed ... Motif ?? It describe women mcm powerless, too stupid and only thinks about getting married ...

Every single thing the writer wrote about things girls do wrong, is actually what my ex been doing for the past 6 weeks ... He talks about commitment, he talks about 'my' biological clock ... He even talks about marriage, while I'm just there enjoying my freedom from my previous relationship ... Which traumatized enough, even when it's over its still haunting me ... And darling, that 5th June I mentioned, was figured out before you were considered ... You're just there filling the spot ...

This might sound like a cocky post to boast up my ego, but to me it's just a post to muhasabah diri ... This is what I've been doing since day one, I put myself down to be at their level ... Make them feel even, while I always have more than everyone else ... Yes, maybe I'm not as rich ... But I'm lot better in so many ways ... Education level, family ties ... My family can accommodate me anytime needed ... I live in the heart of damansara, not because my family is rich ... I have a lovely aunt who gave me a room, so I don't have to rent a room in Kampung Baru ...

I got a car which I accidently bought in 2013, at least that what I've been telling people about my imported car all these while ... Truth is ?? The hell bitch, I can freaking afford that ... My loan got approved at 1st try, no guarantor ... So why do I have to low down myself for anybody else's satisfaction ?? You have problem with my achievement ?? You gotta work bitch ... And guys, please go deal with your ego somewhere else ...

I will never put down any of my previous post upon someone else's order, that's my memory ... So its up to me if I wanna put it down, in the case of Amirul Haqim - I left my insta account on his phone ... So I can't argue on the outcome ... For now, if you can't deal with it ... Just walk away ... But I bet this is not you league anyway ... Something might just be lost in translation 😊

As I mentioned in my instagram, 'it doesn't matter how far we can go, knowing you is a blessing' ... It is blessing, now that I can finally stand up for myself ... Eliminates all the negative influences, making my life better for no one but myself ... And I'm just not the type who trash my ex, address them jantan tak guna whatsoever ... If they do me wrong, I learn from that ... If I do them wrong ?? Yeah, it's my bad ?? Hehe ... No regrets, there's nothing to loose ...

So what's the point of saying things out publicly ?? To make myself feel better ?? Not really, I wanna stop being so mean ... It is all my game since day one, as I mentioned earlier - I play victim ... The power is all on me, he's the one needed my attention ... That's why I left him two weeks ago ... Took all my things out ... Because I have all the right to choose ... Then I choose to left him again on Tuesday ... Then I gave him a taste of what my life have been without him on Saturday,  then I crushed him again on Sunday ...

Why ?? I can handle everything well ... I can deal with the fact he's out with the other gf watching movie, and salam cium tangan before I left ... But the other gf ?? I crushed her in less than 2hrs with my public instagram profile ... Because the power is all in my hand, I know how powerful my personality are ... And I know how crazy she went over social media ... For that I'm sorry ... I'm truly sorry, for her ...

I can move on at any time, I can move on on Thursday ... I can be completely move on on Saturday ... But I choose to bully them, I do one thing ... And she follows thru as I planned ... So I'm going to stop now ... Stop being so mean, because my pain is nothing compares to hers ... I can find another him, I can find someone better from him ... Whatever we did was hurtful enough, so I'll end everything here ...

So I blocked them both from seeing my pictures ... I hope it helped her stop the pain ...

How To Know, He's Not THE ONE

Good morning, what a refreshing week for those working in Selangor ... Hehe, I managed go to Kerteh on Monday ... Visit my 2nd family there, saje kacau2 dorang ... Show off aku tak keje, haha ... But it was a fun day for me ... Nanti I'll make another entry about that, because it was the best day I had yet ... So far this year ...

Title related, over ntah bape belas failed relationship ni ... I pick up a few confirm signs, about perangai2 lelaki ... That u should be aware of, & I can be 80% confirmed that it's demn true ... Sebab I've been thru 2similar cases last year, cume watak2 adalah b'beza ... Name dirahsiakan, & sorry KA & FA kalau terasa ... Since it's still hot & new, hehe ...

1. When He Hit You


Don't worry, neither KA or FA ever hit me ... But I've been emphasizing this since day 1 aku start blogging, or even earlier than that ... Kaki pukul bukan lah calon suami ideal, walaupun die tak sengaje ... Let's say, t'siku sebab tindakan reflect ... Sengaje atau tidak, pukul perempuan itu tidak cool ... Period ... I've been thru an event, aku kene baling almari oleh seorang b'name lelaki ... What I learnt from that - I know I can definitely take a hit, meaning kalau laki aku abuse aku ... I'm sure aku bole tahan kene tampar or kene humban dgn handphone ... But I choose not to, settle down for a life like that ...

2. When He Ask You for Money


Real gentlemen, don't take money from the ladies ... Mcm mane susah pun, someone u put faith on to be ur children's father shouldn't ask you for money ... Biler u ade rezeki lebih, nak blanjer gi makan mahal2 ... That's a different thing ... Even tok kadi yg nikah kan my kazen said, "Duit bini, xbole mintak ... Tapi kalau die bagi, ambek" ... So when he started to say, "U dah gaji kan ?? Bagi I 2ratus, I tade duit ni" ... That means he have no intention of marrying u, but he's keeping u around for his rainy days ...

3. When He Ask for Your Nude Photo


Biler a guy, ikhlas nak b'kawan with a good intention ... He'll never ask for nude photos, 3g phone sex whatsoever ... Get urself to think girls, booty calls ... & segala yg lucah2 itu, itu ade lah tanggungjawap scandals ... If u're expecting to be treat like a gf, then don't low urself & entertain him ... Takut die carik gf lain ?? Let it be, most probably memang dah ade pun ... So when ur bf start to ask for those, leave because he's not serious ... A guy shud respect you enough, if he picture u as the mother of his children ...

4. When He Let You Drive


Sorry FA, but dulu I ikhlas drive sebab I je yg ade valid license ... Haha ... Face the fact, when slept all the way ... & let u drive 3hundreds km away, u're definitely not on the top of his priority list ... My AQ ?? I just drive 200km pegi balik pun, he took the wheel ... Even I'm a better driver than he is, hehe ... So lucky me, it's a crystal clear comparison ... How much AQ cares, & why I should not put KA anywhere in my priority list ...

5. When He Let You Do What You Want


Ko ckp, "Abe, I nak gi clubbing ... Befday N" ... & he said, "ok" ... Tu makne nyer, die dah xkesah ape nak jadik kat ko ... Auuccchhh, kannn ?? But that's the truth, when he cares ... Kau ckp la, "I nak pegi Penang, Z nak blanjer ... Fully sponsored" ... Die akan ckp, "jgn pegi" ... Biler ko ckp nak pegi clubbing, janji la mcm mane pun ... 'I tak joget, I tak smoke' ... The answer should always be 'NO', no matter what ... Kalau die bagi je, xkesah ... Start looking for a new one yahhh, hehe ...

6. When He Started To Lie


When he lie to you, even if it doesn't involve someone else ... Mcm die tak keje, somehow die nak hide his activities (even die lepak2 dgn member jek pun) from u ... He just jump into conclusion, said 'lying is the best way' ... There must be something wrong there ... Being next to each other should make you feel comfortable, complete ... When he lie, that's mean he's not comfortable being around you ... My advice - leave ... Because he'll keep lying, again & again ...

7. When He Hides You from His Family & Friends


Nak kene explain ke ?? Maybe to meet the parents tu, agak tak relevant biler kau baru kenal 2bln kan ?? But when he denies you in front of his colleagues, especially from work ... Indirectly it means - 'kau tak cukup bagus utk die destroy his reputation at work standing next to u' ... Dlm fb pun buat tatau jek, jage saham kat awek2 dlm his friendlist ... How clearer shud I be ?? Most probably he keeps you around utk geli2 jek ...

8. When He Stops Investing


Ni includes time & money ... When he stop spending his time wif u, or text u sipi2 jek ... When u're bed rest sick, the most he will say - "I hope u get well soon" ... That's mean, u're not worth to waste his time/money on ... Sebab long term, die dah tak nampak u guys' future together ... So he won't put in any more effort, he'll take it easy ... In other hand, he's trying to let u off the hook little by little ... Less calls, less dates ... Dgn harapan, lame2 it's gone ... Bile2 die perlu, die carik ko balik ... U should know better how to handle that, aite ??

I hope it help ... This is a few things that I picked up along the way, tak semesti nye KA do every single thing listed ... Ade jugak a few yg FA buat dulu, then repeated by KA ... By then I'm sure KA pun not for me, somehow I still believe in 2nd chance ... But life is about learning, & it never stops ...

It's all go back to the bottom of ur heart, once I said - "Kalau dah nak tu, dah tau dah c polan ni kaki pompuan ... Tapi degil, nak jugak kan" ?? It depends on individuals' tolerance & patience, ade org bole sabar kalau bf die tak call or tak sms seminggu ... Mcm aku, xbole ... 2minggu hari sudah cukup utk membuat kan aku meroyan hati ini tabah & move on, hahah ... Yup, dgn kate lain - in average, lepas 2weeks aku akan ade bf lain ...

I better stop, sebab confident level aku melimpah ruah skarang ... Keje puji diri sendiri jek, aku pun rimas ... Hahahahahhaahah ... Xde niat nak kutuk sesape dlm post ini, a few things listed pun kalau aku bace balik ... Kene kat batang hidung sendiri, heh ... It's just a few of my experience that I feel worth to share, what's hidden under the sweet lines lelaki2 buaye ...

Nite ~

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Managing the Break Up: Part I

I've been thru an average of 3break ups a year, hahah ... Mesti korang nak ckp, "sampai biler" ... Or secare kasar nyer, "How can you be so stupid, & sampai biler nak learnt" ?? Come on, I can deal wif that ... That's reality check ... So let's not mess this up wif my counting, lemme share what happened on a few days after I broke up ...

Delete All Excess

This is standard procedure, delete fb ... Delete bbm, delete twittter ... In my case, abe ade gf lain ... So, kenape perlu kan delete ?? Instead of berpura-pura cool buat mcm tade pape ?? Sebab aku tanak tgk any hapdet from him & his gf ... & sebab aku gedik, suke hapdet location thru bbm status ... So aku delete him from bbm jugak ... Motif ?? It's one way or another, aku pun tanak die tau mane aku pegi ...

Example: Biler aku buat cupcakes utk lobi potential bf, mesti la aku nak upload my cupcakes kat fb ... Because of the cupcakes kan ?? Bukan sebab the potential bf, cehhh ... Hahah ... Anyway, I don't want him to see that ...

Get Over Your Biggest Fear

We used to say, "I will suffer without you" ... So, get over that ... I put on the shirt we bought together kat Rantau Panjang, & the skirt he bought for me ... The whole day, right after break up ... Ade tak ko nak t'kenang2 ?? Or sikit2 nak cium, ade bau kedai lagi tak kan ?? For me, it went just fine ... Thanks to AQ sebab kept me company, until ... Die gatai tgn pegi msg aku balik kan ... Ok, tu nanti elaborate more on next point ...

Example: Tada, hak hak ... (gambar xbleh haplot plak)

Get Sentimental

How sentimental can you be ?? Aku memang giler sentimental nyer, the 1st hundred notes yang abe bagi aku simpan ... Tapi sebab 1st movie ombak rindu, so aku tak simpan tiket wayang ... In case it's a fail relationship kan, nanti emo2 mcm dlm movie ... Too bad for me, aku tade cincin mahal yg tak sanggup nak baling cam Lisa Surihani dlm citer tu ... Hahah ...

Example: Aku pakai duit yg sentimental sgt tu, shopping ... The best part is, shopping beli baju baru nak gi dating dgn potential bf ?? Revenge is the sweetest thing ?? Takdo makne nye, biler mlm nanti ko hingat kat die balik ... But to me there's 2things here, 1st - get rid of the sentimental items ... 2nd - tenang hati aku dapat shopping ... Owh yahhh, almost forgot ... The other half of the hundred, aku pakai utk beli ingredient cupcakes for potential bf ... S#!t ...

Spend Time B'sama Orang yg T'sayang

This is important, you need someone by urside ... Mcmm aku, mek (gf my brother) slalu ikut dating sampai KT ... So, die sangat memahami segala liku2 dlm my relationship ... Biler sebut pasal abe finally kantoi pegi dating kat Kuantan ... Mek trus ngamuk sakan, hahah ... Ilek mek, ilek ...

Bukan xmo share dgn my mum, or adik cherry ... But I don't wanna break my mum's heart, since die suke sgt kat abe ... Biler aku ckp aku nak gi jumpe abe baru, bole nampak la reaksi kurang selesa ibu saya di situ ... Tapi masih mengekalkan concept yg same, no sad stories ... Xdo eh den nak cito kek omak den perangai ex boipren den tu, kire what passed is passed jek la ... We, all of us (including my family) move on je ... Hokay ??

Example: Gi alamanda, shopping bersama mek + adik lelaki + adik lelaki ... & buat cupcakes bersame mek ...

Don't Get In Touch wif Him or Anyone Related

Trust me, memang korang raser it's the greatest revenge biler ko ngorat bff ex boipren ko ... But it's going to hurt more in future ... Why do I said so ?? Sebab been there, done that ...

Memang la aku lepak dgn member2 (lelaki of course) utk menghilangkan stress ... Tapi lelaki ni, biler jumpe member ... He forgets everything else ... Like he forget kau ade kat seblah,, die men blasah jek citer ngan kengkawan die what happened in Vegas ... Memang la niat ko nak lepak2, hav fun & bukan nye nak korek rahsia ... Somehow kau akan tau, ape yg kau tak tau ... Sebab cerita2 yg t'kongsi bersame itu ...

Example: Biler aku lepak dgn FA, dr elok2 aku tatau what happened for the past 6months ... Tibe2 aku t'hapdet, because adrenalin penceritaan yg rancak ... Hehe, jan risau FA ... I still love u, but not like that ... Heh ...

Enough with that, next post ... I'm going to share wif you guys, how to know when he's not the one ... & if there's anything more to share on this, I'll update it in part 2 ... I'm still fine, emosi masih terkawal ... You guys enjoy the rest of this holiday, I'll get better in time ...

Last but not least, thanks for all the best wishes ...

Terlebih Sudah

Tahap hyper melantun2 lately, aku kene save duit sebenar nyer ... Bnyk bende nak bayar these few months ... Tapi tadi gatal2 main tekan2, siap try another credit card after the 1st one got decline ... Saye TERbeli ini ...

Saye shopping di sini ...

Gedix kan ?? Nanti I'll let you guys know ape saye buat kat cni ... Sebab malu nak ckp skarang ... Hahah, nothing kinky ... Xbaik tau, berpikiran -ve di bulan puasa ... Hehe ...

26th baru start the promotion, so coupon hanya akan available/valid after that ... Heheh, nanti saye review hasil nye ...

~ Good nite ...

Break Up: Side Effect 1

Kalau korang perasan, aku mcm giler skarang ... After 2weeks breaking up ... Bukan giler sehingga hilang kewarasan fikiran ... Aku giler masak ...

Was planning to cook utk buke puasa tadi, since kecewa dengan prestasi hidangan b'buka di bazar sekitar Bandar Baru Bangi & Putrajaya (Alamanda) since 2hari lepas ... Tgh sebok2 build all the strategies in my head ... Pastu tibe2 t'ingat, aku ade majlis buke puase dgn budak2 Nottingham hari ni ... Hahah ...

It's a good thing, yeah ... Tapi kalau dtg hangin time aku dok sorang2 kat umah, memang membazir ... Sebab cost utk masak 1portion tu agak tinggi, since I xde food stock kat rumah ... Sebab always balik Bangi, ;p ... Mcm masak nasi tomato hari tu, aku beli 5kg basmati ... Haih ...

Tak elok membazir, bln puase ni ...

Blessed

Somewhere in the dawn, when the sun started to shine out very few amount of the morning ray ... I found a place in my broken heart to forgive them ...

I forgive you Fariz, & her ... & your friends too ~

It feel like a relieve of burden to finally get there, & clear my chest from all the pain I've been carrying around ... I feel blessed, alhamduliLlah ...

I can see his name on the side bar, without feeling mad or annoyed ... You guys have a good life ...

Morning everyone, have a blessed Friday ...

The Break Up

Hahah, xtau la ini post break up yang ke berapa ... Biase nye dlm draft jek, xsempat nak publish ... From the moment I broke up, sampai the next bf ... Xsiap2, hahah ... Bile dah ade new bf, mcm xperlu la kan ... Nak post about the break up ... So better I get it done sementare masih panas ...

I broke up about 2weeks ago, tomorrow will be exactly 2weeks ... & I'm doing just fine ... Last week I was surround by my families, & a friend of mine spent her weekend in KL recently ... So we're busy shopping, heheh ...

Ok, enough diverting ... Heheh ... The 1st week, I'm doing just fine ... I'm practicing silent therapy for myself ... & it works, for me it is ... Heheh, I can drive back from Kerteh ... Without thinking, 'Fariz busy tak mlm ni, sempat tak jumpe' ?? Or, calling him every now & then ... Then he won't gave any confirmed deal, dah sampai Gombak baru he'll say - "You balik la dulu, I banyak keje ni" ...

That's how our relationship works actually ... He never confirm anything, sampai kene force ... Baru nak make a move ... But what I found out last weekend, shockingly surprising ... Hahah, how can I make it more dramatic ?? It is, very dramatic ... But lemme explain on the break up chronology, so the post didn't get all over the place ...

16th June - He ignored my sms/call the whole night ... When I'm around, he ignored all others' sms & calls ... So what you expect me to expect ??

17th June - Called him, tgh hari baru he responded ... Said, "I xsedap hati" ... But I didn't confront him right away ... Then I send him a text, 'I rase you curang' ... Then he spilled, he went out clubbing dgn his ex ...

22nd June - We still went out together ... This is when I figured, sumer org tgk I mcm kesian ... & he left pictures of him hugging another girl in his phone ... When he knows I check his phone all the time ...

26th June - He kept avoiding to talk about it, but I said "I tak nak carik gaduh, I just nak bende ni settle" ... We broke up that night ...

30th June - Hang out with my friends, and suke2 asked "Ada jak kan, c Fariz dtg dengan perempuan lain" ... Answered: "Yahhh, tapi xkan la kami mau menyibuk terus call kestau kau" ...

6th July - I found out, his ex is dating a good friend of my brother ...

7th July - He sms'ed, sampai call2 ... Nak tau, ape yg people tell me about him ... He even said, I made the situation worse ... Siap ckp, "I dengan u, xde isu org ketige" ... Giler ahhh, kala2 bha kfcm ... Hahah ...

I didn't ask for any of these to happen pun, tapi Tuhan nak tunjuk kan ?? Tibe2 I jadik sgt malas nak elaborate on the details, sebab obvious kot ?? All I know now, ape2 pun yg he's trying to explain ... Don't mean a thing now, he should explain to me 2weeks earlier ... Kenape skarang baru nak mengelabah explain kan ??

Saye sangat malas sebenar nye, nak layan org mcm ni ... Because I'll tend to became emotional, & say things I shouldn't say ... Making myself low, maki2 just to be even ... It made me feel uncivilized ... That's why I prefer silent treatment, because I don't want anymore explanation ... Buat sakit hati jek kot ?? I was your gf back then, it was my responsibility to hear your problem ... But now ?? Why should I care, about things he did a month ago ??

I decided not to be in touch with him ... I took the trouble to contact his friend, & collect my things ... Sebab xnak b'harap ape2 dr die, & I passed his sweater to his friend ... So I don't have to see him ... That's how determined I am, to get over him ...

I don't go, ask around ... To find out what he did, it just come to me ... Every time, like a reminder to me ... Why we shouldn't be together from the very 1st day ...

It suppose to be a clean break up, I don't feel good putting up this post pun ... It's not healthy for me when I wanted to move on, it's not healthy for my future relationship ... I should been focusing on the future, instead of looking back on the past ...

I'm moving on, he should do the same ... I'm waiting for that moment, to wake up in the morning ... & forgive everything he did ... I can go further & write down every single drama, & lies he came up wif ... But it's not necessary, sebab dah xde ape2 kepentingan ...

I want a life, with people who knows how to appreciate me ... Bukan create more drama around me, to cover the fact that you've taken me for granted ... Cube fahami itu ... & respect my decision ... I admit I want him badly, but that was back then ... I don't want him around, that's what happen now ...

Life Goes On

Post ini ditulis dlm perasaan hati yang terbakar, sorry kalau ade sape2 yg t'kena direct laser ... Hari ni nak sentap ...

REASONS WHY I MOVED ON:

(List came in random order)

1. You hooked yourself with a credit card, & hit credit limit in a week ...

My Explanation: Might sound silly, or materialist ... But credit card debts delay my wedding plan by a year ... Yeah, at least ... Let's put an average of 10k ... Minimum payment will be at least rm300, car installment ?? House rent ??

2. I missed my credit card payment for a month ...

My Explanation: Yes, it's my demn name ... But when you're in a relationship, & the bf try to play responsible by taking care of your credit cards debt ... Somehow the payment made due the statement date ?? Same mcm xbayar ... Senang citer, you partner is screwing your financial ...

3. I haven't visit my relatives in months ...

My Explanation: A relationship shouldn't be an excuse to skip family visit ... A healthy relationship should give you enough space to do things you do previously ... & a relationship is only 'a relationship' until it's legal ... So, till then ... You're suppose to be free to do things you love, but do remember all the limits ...

4. I can't remember where my dress is ...

My Explanation: In my case, I've been living in 3houses ... My parents' in Bangi, my own in Terengganu ... & another place for weekends in Damansara ... I hate that I have to go here & there for different occasion, Bangi & Damansara ... 100km kot, back & forth ... Maybe it's my poor management ... But relationship suppose to complete each other ... Helping one or another, making life earsier ...

5. You quit your job for the name of 'love' ...

My Explanation: Relationship (with commitment la) is about responsibilities ... How many times should I repeat this ?? It's as simple as picking up the dry cleaning ... Yes, you want to spent more time with your love one ... But you shouldn't prioritized 3months happiness, planned ahead for the next 3years sounds more rational when you're taking a step further in a relationship ...

Cukup la 5, I don't want it to be like an attack towards someone particular (padahal dah xde point) ... Just sentap, bank dah call since last week on daily basis ... I may have arranged the payment from the beginning, di saat2 a few weeks before next pay check ni ... Mane nak korek, minimum payment pun ...

I'm a responsible shopper, I do pay my debts every month ... Now that the payment screwed, just expect greater amount to fix the interest in the next few weeks ...I really should stop pouring out my honest opinion, because it will be ugly ...

Luckily I had a job, at least I can clean up the mess ...