Travel Writer

Hello !!!

Hari ni xkluar lunch, atas beberape sebab ... Antaranya, post traumatic effect dr 12jam focus buat report + sakit tengkok salah tidor mlm tadi ... Atau lebih tepat lagi, menyampah nak be around double faces b!+c#es yg tak habes2 buat unpaid report to my superior ... Nanti I'll explain further on that, but most reliable reason was that - baru je lepas makan nasik lemak kul seblas tadi ... Haha, nampak tak dramatic effect di situ ?? Hehe ...

Stat dah jatuh to almost half, since 4 bulan yg lepas ... Saye baru prasan, hihi ... Tapi memang dah lame giler tak update pun ... Now my life have been put back together, so korang akan prasan perubahan dr segi routine kehidupan seharian di situ ... Heh ... Sorry to encik Fifiey, kalau terase cam saye makin blagak whatsoever ... Aku memang camni kalau dah start keje, ;p ...

Kalau korang prasan my updates lately, are mostly about my island vacation ... Island hopping kat KK, my yearly trip to Perhentian ... And rite now, sebenar nyer saye tak kluar lunch sebab eksaited searching pasal Pulau Tioman ... Hadooo ...

This had bring me to the thought - am I going to change my blog direction into travel writing ??
Jawapan: Maybe not la, it's just something interesting I love to do now ... Since mostly I'll spend my free time doing that, so that will be the most interesting topic for me to share will you guys la kan ??

I still have other things which are not related to travelling that I found interesting to share, such as how I survive 6months unemployment ... My new job, which is in Manjung ... Every week bole pegi Pangkor, & related to travel ?? Haha, it's just happened to be that my new job is near to a vacation spot ... Xpenah pegi pun Pangkor tu sepanjang 3weeks spent here ...

I better go now, before I exposed my bloging activities to unwanted stalkers ... Hihi, have a great week ahead guys ~

Loosing Your Values

I did mentioned about my job offer with a MRT related company recently, the over dramatic title post ... Heh, & I promised I'll share my decision with you guys ... The decision that have made me suffer gastric for a week long, kind of regretting it at the moment ... But somehow I choose to stay positive ...

I turned down the offer, memang ramai yg menyuarakan pendapat secara lantang - "Bodoh, pegi je la" ... But what I'm facing is not as easy as you can see on the surface ... Bnyk bende2 yg saye kene consider ... & most importantly, people that I love are happy ...

To be honest ?? My mum, dad ... Even my boyfriend, masing2 point out the pros & cons if I took the job ... Somehow they'd gave me an indirect message that they actually expecting me to stay ... Mcm, "but if you stay, your house & car interest sumer bole claim" ... And 'But xxx (my current company) bnyk benefit la' ...

Let's not go on & elaborate on that, I took my favorite doctor cum psychiatrist kat Kota Damansara's tu punye advice ... "XXX is a big company, & your still young ... There will be other offers, more promising" ... That's a really good advice actually, I told that to myself all the time to manage the stress ...

I never notice it actually, until I came across this job offer recently ... That actually I'm stressed, my work is stressful ... Bnyk kali sebenarnya, cubaan mewujudkan semangat kekeluargaan dlm office tu gagal ... Event my killer chicken rendang pun tak mampu meng'house-warming'kan my team ...

Mungkin sebab dah terbiase dgn cara kerja kat projek kat Kerteh dulu, atau mungkin saya yg terlalu membandingkan ... So everything seems to be not good enough for me ... Or maybe I'm the one who should get adapted with this new environment ...

But as long as I remember, it is not appropriate for a Project Engineer to say - "Owh, I dunno la ... Bukan I yg jage M&E" - contoh ... Even kerja org lain, you should know at least ... The progress, major problems ... But tu la, as I said ... Maybe I'm the one who should get adapted ... It's a big company, can afford sufficient staff ... So masing2 just focus on your own job scope ...

Maybe that's one of the reasons why I always feel like my teammates are cold to each other ... But then, I can't find one day that i can actually have a nice rest on my leave ... Kalau I didn't show up, 9am somebody will call ... By 10am, if i didn't reach the office ... I'll definitely have the phone call from my boss ...

Bukan la saya nak ckp saya ni bagus sgt, sampai kalau takde 1hari bole terbalik office tu ... My point is, if someone else not around ... I'll definitely give them a hand to make sure nothing get delayed or not complete ... But if I'm not around ?? Mengelabah masing2 call, wanna make sure that I have my part done somehow ...

I was raised this way, thru life ... Thru working experience, that team work is important ... If my other engineer are short one leg, I'll definitely lend her a hand ... Somehow it's impossible to happen to me for a return ... Sebab masing2 buat keje utk lepas kan diri sendiri ...

So, as me ... Someone who came in highly enthusiastic with strong firm on work ethic, will you loose your values just to be fair with others ?? I even say, "gaji same je, tak  payah tunjuk rajin lebih" ... But somehow now I have to bear in mind that - if nobody will do the job, then who's gonna get the blame ?? Nak suruh boss buat semua ??

All I can do now, is hold on to those good attitude I've been practicing ... As long as it won't effect my own work and life ... I'll still be around, lending a hand ... Even if I won't got anything in return, for the sake of the team ... To complete the project with a good reputation ... Somehow I have to draw my limit, so that it still fall under helping instead of instructed ...

I have another 3years to deal with all these ... Since I'm both foot in now ... At the moment, trying to enjoy my half day off ... Somehow dah kene call since 10am, reminded about all those work that have to be done ... Dlm hati memang ade perasaan - 'tinggal nak scan & email je, yg tu pun tade org bole tolong ke' ?? So yes, I have to deal with all these craps for the next 3years ...

I was advised to manage the stress, I guess I have to learn how to enjoy my work ... Even with all the pressure, I should manage to get them done without forgetting how to enjoy myself ... Maybe my previous & current approach is not working, so I should try it differently ...

The new year's approaching, it's a good start for a change in whatever you do ...

Till then ~

Halloween Party Turned Nightmare

Segan plak nak post pasal my party di kala org lain bz raye ni lepas bace blog En. Akmal tadi, I really love his latest post ... Some kind of nasihat dgn approach yg rasional ... Tidak terlalu mengkritik, somehow msg tu sampai ... Ye lah, lawyer kan ... Tetibe aku nak ckp melayu plak, hahah ...

Dah lame tak buat post menghentam a specific individu, but I'm at that point to go back there smalam ... Maybe seeing someone that I've been trying so hard to avoid for the past 12months yesterday, bring back all the negative energy ...

But let's keep myself in sanity, I'll make this post general ... I think most of my readers tau sape I'm talking about, & as usual ... I'll never advice korang utk stop berkawan dgn die or whatsoever, just berhati-hati ... This is my story to share ...

I left the house early yesterday, baik hati sangat nak ambek a 'friend' ni kat Kota Warisan, Salak Tinggi ... From my point of view, it's not that far from my house ... Kalau mek sue or someone else yg have to go fetch her, kan lagi jauh ... Since dorang stay somewhere around KL, pastu nak pegi Kota Warisan & go back KL ... So it's just something I always do, tolong org ... As long as it still in my convenience ...

So from Kota Warisan, we went to Damansara Damai ... Drop her son there, hantar her stuff somewhere nearby ... & pegi my house kat Kota Damansara kejap ambek barang ... Later on we trus head KL, sebab dah consider lambat since I'm kind of the organizer ... Nak kene check in bagai ...

Somehow the 'friend' claim she's meeting someone kat Time Square, so I dropped her there & went to the service apartment to check in ... Dgn drama booking 2rooms apartment ended up dapat 2units 1 bedroom apartment ... About an hour jugak la nak solve kan ketidak puasan hati di situ ... Then it's time to make the payment ...

Guess what ?? Duit aku tinggal 50ringgit je dlm wallet ... While I just spent rm50 kat Plaza Tol Kajang utk topup touch & go ... & takde brenti mane2 for meal or beli barang all the way from my house in Bangi - Kota Warisan - Damansara Damai - Kota Damansara - the hotel ... Toilet break pun takde ...

The worst part is, my limited addition rm50 note pun hilang ... All together, at least rm400 yg hilang ... Before my event started, dlm kereta ... All the way from Kota Warisan to KL ?? Imagine how I get thru the night ?? Stress kot ?? Memang hilang trus mood nak happy2 ... Trus lepak bilik tgk tv, mlm baru siap2 jumpe mek Sue sumer ...

Suppose I planned to go & get my make up & hair done somewhere in Ampang, konon2 nak jadik kathy peri ... Last2 I end up being Reysha Mokhtar jugak ... No special2 effect ... & terpakse hadap muka dia lagi for the rest of the night, sebab tak nak timbul kan uncomfortable feeling within member2 ...
 
Before I left the home, dah terpikir sebenarnya ... Nak inform my boyfriend, and others ... It's a party, don't trust anyone in the room ... Sebab pernah experienced duit hilang mase vacation kat PD dulu ... Nak main tuduh2 memang xbole, sebab semua pun member2 ...

Ape nak buat, bende dah jadi ... My boyfriend memang pissed off giler, sebab pelaku ade depan mate ... Somehow I didn't do anything ... Actually ade jugak perasaan nak sound die direct, but a friend of my boyfriend already said it to her face - "dorang ni ke yg rembat barang you" ?? Somehow memang muke die slamber je mcm tak bersalah ... So I guess, no matter what you say ... You'll never get your money back ... Since die pun dah joli katak kat Time Square tu ...

I learned my lesson, never trust a someone you just met, even she's/he's really friendly mcm dah 10tahun kenal ... & never leave your money sepah2, bukan tak nak percaye org ... But anything can happen, & people will go to all levels when money is involve ... My fault - I left my handbag in my own car mase naik ambek barang kat rumah tu ...


Muhasabah diri kejap, maybe ade something yg tak berkat dgn rezeki saye di tempat baru ni ... Dah 2bulan berturut2 duit saye hilang rm300 - 400 ni ... Mungkin careless, or maybe I should start bayar zakat & deduct income tax utk berkat kan rezeki tu ...

I think a few of my stalker kenal die, dr kronologi cerita dr tgh hari smalam ... Korang bole tangkap die sape ... Maybe smalam she's desperate, perlu kan duit tu utk shopping Halloween costume for the night ... Or nak beli pampers anak die ... & memang dah nasib saye terkena ...

To my friends & those who knows her, just be careful ... As I said, maybe smalam hari malang saya ... Mungkin dgn korang she'll bahave, so saye cume mengingat kan ... Prevention is better than cure, so berhati-hati la sebelum terkena ...

& to you, someone who I called a 'friend' ... Saye tau ape awak buat, awak lagi tau ape yg awak buat ...Tak perlu saye nak cerita kat org ape yg awak buat, sedar2 la diri tu ... Tak payah nak carik duit halal bagi anak makan, or "You have to respect me if you want me to respect you" kalau perangai dah mcm tu ... Just so you know, I never wanna see you face again ... Tak payah terhegeh2 nak call, aku malas nak layan ...

Kbye ~

Suratan atau Kebetulan

Post tade hubung kait dgn tajuk cerita, haha ... Just mcm suka that phrase these few days, so suke hati la kan ?? ;p This is work related, tetibe je ... Di saat & ketika yg tak diduga, dpt offer yang rase mcm nak nangis je to let go ... Ditelan mati c bapak, di luah jiwa kacau ... For real ...

I'm currently working with the 4th Lane Expansion team, which a well known established company ... Dpt assign car, staff house provided ... Medical expenses all covered, everything you ask for ... Kire kalau gaji 2k tu, plus house & car ... Jadik 3k la, contoh ... Kalau kire2 potongan kwsp & employer's share, dpt la 3k tu ...

So now ade another offer, from a Australian company ... For an extra rm500, somehow tade kete ... Tade rumah, but project near to home ... MRT la senang ckp ... Kalau ikut my calculation, I prefer extra money ... Rather than assigned car, or rumah staff ... Sebab money is something that you can measure ...

While company's car, or staff house are things yg tade figure ... Some might get lucky biler project dorang kat Penang & dpt kondo, while for me kat kawasan membangun ni dpt rumah flat je because tu je bole dpt dgn limit allowance rm800 tu while kat penang bole dpt kondo with the same value ...

Kalau ikut my consideration, a few considerations sebenarnya ... Pros & cons die adalah fair & square ... Quoted from someone who advised me on this issue, "Kire now dah ade bf, tapi ade boipren baru lagi ensem" ... Mesti kau nak kan ??

Ramai yg dah involve lame in this industry suruh go for MRT, sebab it's a consultant firm ... & tak bape seswai la pempuan nak b'jemur pegi site, for a 5years look ahead plan ... I'm using the easy way up, in 2years gaji dah letop ...

While if I stay, I'm struggling all the way up ... 5years kluar masuk site, pastu baru bole duk rilek attend meeting ... Tu pun masuk meeting nak b'gaduh je ... Tapi my benefit, medical ... Sumer tip top la, one third of my expenses are covered by the company ...

But in 5years ?? Lepas habis project ?? I lost all the privileges ... Memang skarang jimat, duit rumah tak yah bayar ... Pakai kete kampeni, kad minyak bagai sumer complete ... But that will only cover my current expenses, for 3-5years from now ... Lepas tu ?? Rumah, kete ... Sumer kene serah balik ...

While if I go for the better pay, kene pakai kete sendiri ... & of course senang nak beli rumah, & in 5years time bole rilek harvest investment ... But tell me honestly, duit dlm tangan ... Yakin ke you can buy all those in 5years ?? Rumah, check ... Kete ?? At this point, I see myself having one of those je ... If I buy a house, a new car definitely have to wait ...

I haven't decide lagi until this moment ... From what I see, both are equally beneficial ... If I go, tade rugi pape ... Maybe sedih sikit nak lepas kan kete baru pakai 3minggu la, hahah ... & if I stay, I still have either one kereta baru or a house ... But in longer duration ...

Never in my twenty something years of living ni nak kene buat decision as important as this ... Boipren ajak kawen pun tak stress mcm ni ... Hahah ... Slalu pandai je advice org kan, biler kene kat diri sendiri jem plak tatau nak pilih ...

For better or worse, my decision will always be based on my priority list & kepentingan org di sekeliling ... & of course, I'll seek guidance from Yang Maha Mengetahui ... To help me thru, making the right decision ... Pray for me guys ~

I'll Read This Post Every Time I'm Mad

I think I owe him this, actually dah bape intro saya buat utk introduce boipren tersayang kepada anda semua ... Tapi last2 tekan save jek, never publish ... Heheh ...

It's either contents terlalu memuji2, sampai ade part yg rase mcm tak real  ... Atau skill penulisan saye dah b'karat ... Diri sendiri bace pun menyampah ... Hahah ... A few post sebenarnya yg dah dirancang dlm kepala, tapi last2 save jugak ... So for now, forget the plan ... Saye tulis je la ape saye nak tulis ... Heheh ...

10 Things to Remind Myself Why I Love My Bf So Much

1. Gorgeous
He's a total 180 from my definition of handsome (tall, dark & handsome), somehow he's adorable ... Sangat jarang saye ade boipren yg putih melepak, but he's the exception ... Heheh ... Kalau mak aku tgk, confirm kene kutuk - jambu sgt ... X_X

Skali korang tgk, mcm anak ikan aku dah ... Hahahhahahah ... But actually he's older by few years, trust me ... I've checked his ic, ;p ... So biler dating kat pavi bawak my handbag kotak lepas keje, memang nampak cam bawak 'adik' gi shopping ... Hahah ...

2. Super Hot Programmer
I've seen him in action, he started his work after buka puasa ... & the system is done by 10 pm ... Saye tak habes main cityville lagi, keje die dah settle ... Skali dgn testing & commissioning ... Darling, that was super hot !!! Hahah ...

You know I how much I adore people who's doing well in their field of expertise, so yes ... This is one of his winning point, ;p ... Ok enuf, jgn puji lebih2 ...

3. He's in Control
Walaupun saye ni degil nak mampos, tapi sebenarnya in relationship I love to be instructed ... Mcm saye nak gi bersosial bersama teman2, gi Genting or where ever ... I love having someone to say no, but of course with a good reason ... Like I wanna go to Jakarta, while I don't have enough money to do so ... I love having someone to remind me of the consequences, walaupun sebenarnya bole pikir sendiri ;p ...

When I 1st met him, it was Sunday ... I have a date with someone else on the next coming Wednesday actually, he never really say I can't go ... But somehow he got the power to make me cancel the date ...

4. Rajin Dating
Dah tua2 ni, excited sebenarnya biler ade org ajak tgk wayang ... Hahahahhahah ... Kalau he's not busy, sure he'll be around for me ... Agak kerap sebenarnya kitorang dating, sampai my youngest brother pun tegur - "mcm slalu je dating" ... Hahah, jeles !!! ;p

5. Die Makan Je Ape Saya Masak
No matter ape pun saye masak, he never complaint ... Except for the part that my dinner always chicken jek ... Chicken soup, ayam madu ... Chicken, chicken ... Chicken !!! Haha, tipu la kan kalau everything's perfect ...

But he ate everything, dr cupcakes ... Sambal udang, all the chickens ... Hahah ... I almost made him makan kailan at one point, hahah ... He's a veggie hater, claim he'll throw up kalau makan sayur ... Word !!! ;p

6. He Drive to Damansara Biler Saye Gastric
He was super busy actually, that day I got gastric ... Tapi sebab dah kronik sgt, sampai minum 3x since 2pm & everything went out ... So terpaksa jugak menyusahkan die ... So he left his work, to drive me pegi klinik ... Dah la xsempat buka puasa, makan murtabak je ...

Sebab saye sakit, so bole request gi makan bubur kat Shah Alam ... Hahah ... Naseb la boipren nak membebel, jauh pun ... Tapi die bawak jugak, pastu die yg semangat lebih makan ... Hehe ...

7. Shopping Raya Bersama
Jarang sebenarnya, saya ada boipren yg busy with work ... Somehow ade mase to spend with me, hahah ... Am I complaining ?? Kekekkekekekeke ... Jakun ni sebenarnya ... Maybe seblom ni sumer long distance kot, tu la cam culture shock kejap biler dating 3x seminggu ...

Dalam kesibukan nak settle kan keje sblm raya ni, sempat lagi kitorang gi window shopping sampai Jalan TAR ... Kau ade ?? Hahahahahhahah ... Kitorang siap pusing 3x, sebab first round tu dah ternampak telekung yg cantik menarik tu ... Tapi gagah jugak nak gi survey sampai another end, so end up kene patah balik kat kedai mula2 ... Dgn sepenuh2 org kat Jalan TAR tu, & he can put up with that ...

8. Romantic Concern
He remembered the details, baju ape saye pakai when we met ... The pearl necklace I put on ... & he pays attention, I can call him tanye which colour of earrings he preferred ... & he'll make time to entertain me, mengade kan ?? Hahahahahah, tapi time nak raye hari tu jek la ... Kalau tiap2 kali beli baju ke, underware sumer nak call ... Itu bole mengundang kemarahan ... Hahahahhahhahah ...

He really pays attention, few weeks dating die dah well adapted to my habit of calling someone sementara tunggu engine kete panas on the way back from work ... Hahah ... Since last month was fasting month, biler saye tak call pukul 4stengah tu ... Nanti he'll complaint, hehe ... Every single moments/details matters to him ...

9. Communication is Easy
We declared almost everything, nak pakai baju ape ... Esok nak pegi mane, tgh hari lunch dgn saper ... & the list goes on ... I'm well informed of his work routine, so tade la saye risau & sebok nak call every hour ...

Even nak merajuk pun die bagitau, kekekekekekeke ... It actually work both ways ... Since it's easy to talk to each other, so we share almost everything ... Even I wanna go out lepak with my friends, xkire la lelaki ke perempuan ... I just have to tell him, like I said ... We lay everything on the table ...

10. It's Comfortable Being Around Each Other
When I'm stress, he knows the best how to deal wif that ... Of course I'm cranky & b!+c#y when I'm stress, somehow he'll manage to make me smile ... Siap tolong massage my neck, helping to ease the tense ... We never really have a fight, since he knows every cure to my problem ...

It's not easy for me to write this, I said million times ... Nothing is perfect ... At the moment I'm struggling with the attentions, since I'm a sucker for that one ... So when he's not around, it's hard for me to fight the attentions from others ...

I'm dealing with myself je sebenarnya, I think too much about people's perceptions ... Since everybody's concern kenapa asyik tukar boipren, & not to forget those who can't move on ... Said don't give a damn about me, somehow go every level to get my attention ...

My advice, move on la haters ... Seriously, giving advice to those people don't feel worth it pun ... It's better for me to care more on myself, rather than trying to fix their twisted mind ... Enuf said, life's good for me so far ... Enough to make me sticking to my roots ...

I'm happy, & blessed ... Till then ~

Things About Me: Part V - Reality Check

Dah lame tak buat post muhasabah diri sendiri, been fooling around with my feelings for the past 2months ... Mostly adalah post gedix ala2 mintak penampar ... Dgn kate lain, entry double meaning nak tembak individu2 tertentu ... Sigh, sungguh mean girl diri ini ...

Being me, I always know sebenar nyer ... That I left my heart caught up somewhere, it's just a matter of time ... That I decided to wake up, & move on with my life ... Mcm perangai guling2 atas katil di waktu pagi, kul 6 dah bangun dah ... Tapi nak guling dulu, berangan jap ... Baru nak mandi, heh ... Itu contoh termudah ... ;p

So last 2months, I left my heart under the single bed dlm bilik tu ... Di celah2 bed frame yg ranap, sebab ntah sape pegi install bende alah tu secare songsang ... Secare logic nyer, camne katil tu nak handle the load ... Biler the 3pieces strut tu yg digunakan sebagai main beam, while the other 7pieces tu hanging freely ... Bijak !!!

Citer die, pagi tadi saye kemas la bilik kucing branak  tu ... Actually, kucing tu tak branak kat situ ... Die pindah masuk jap selepas dihalau keluar oleh pemilik bilik seblah tanpa tempat berteduh kat living area tingkat atas, sebelum mak bagi dorang hak milik kekal toilet kat bawah itu ... Heh, pandai aku divert cerita ...

So, I found back my heart this morning ... Itu care penceritaan dramatic seperti selalu la, sebab saye suke impact dramatic itu ... Heh ... Secare ringkas nyer - a simple new routine (kemas bilik pagi2), had given me the wake up call that I needed since the last 2months ... Yeah, that's me ... Aku memang malas berpikir, or dengan kate lain ... I prefer ignoring my feelings, rather than discussing it ... Even with myself, wadde F kan ??

I take things for granted these 2months ... I keep blaming AQ, I complaint he's not organized enough ... I blame him for staying around without intention to commit ... I blame him for everything ... Like always, I play victim ... But it's actually me, I'm the one who's not ready ...

I'm not ready to let KA go when it happened, & until this moment ... I didn't find a place in my heart to forgive KA ... Reason ?? Clear as a glass - I don't even seek for that forgiveness ... Remember how I managed to be strong without any man during my break up last July ?? I was single for 4months, then I found KA & feel blessed to have a man to share my ups & downs ...

Why ?? Sebab hati ni ikhlas, tak kesah la hati KA ikhlas ke tak kan ... Janji I did the right thing ... I forgive that person who broke my heart into pieces, from the very most bottom part of it ... That's how I managed to be happy, that's when I can be comfortable being single ... & that's how I felt so hard when someone offer me his heart ...

For the other party tu mintak maap, adalah tak perlu ... Sebab hati yang nak memaafkan & melupakan kan tu, ada dlm diri sendiri ... So, I'll go back to be who I was last Ramadhan ... I love who I am back then, more than who I am now ... :( Tenang, & definitely living a better life ...

So that's step one - forgiveness ... 2months ago, I jumped into the 2nd step ... Which letting AQ in ... While I should find that forgiveness in the 1st place, then I can start fresh ... Open arms & open heart, then baru I can give AQ the oppurtunity he deserve ... That's why I was so angry for the past 2months ... Everything is not good enough for me, nothing suits my needs ...

So this is it, 2months later ... Will it be too late for me to fix thing ?? I think so ... Sebab if it was for me, confirm aku dah carik bf lain ... Honestly ?? 2days with less attention already made me motivate myself to stay stronger, & I can find a better man ...

At the moment, I've already appeal rayuan to AQ ... Bukan rayuan la, more like a short term plan for us for the mean time ... Things didn't look good at the moment, but at least I tried ... Whatever will happened after this, akan saye conclude kan dlm Things About Me Part Six ... Yang ntah biler akan terhasil itu ...

For now, I should try to be that person who live a happy life since she hold no grudge upon nobody & her life is so much better sebab she have less important things to care ... Bukan nyer be mad sebab kene baling almari, or wish mamat yang ask her to marry him before he go to bed & pegi tengok Ombak Rindu kat Mesra Mall dgn perempuan lain in the morning tu mendapat pembalasan setimpal ...

I used to say, "I don't do revenge, that's in God's hand" ... Yes, for me to go serang pempuan lagi satu tu ... Adalah mustahil, far below my standard ... But, dlm hati ?? If he got dumped & perempuan tu kawen dgn jantan lain, comfirm aku lompat suker ??

So let it be, & I'll keep praying that one fine day ... I'll find a space in my heart to forgive all those who needed the forgiveness ... With, or without them to apologize ... It's not for them pun, it's for my own ketenangan & happiness ...

Ps: mase entry ni ditulis, aku tgh pujuk AQ ...
Updet: I've moved on with AK, I'm dating & happy ...

Another Negative Post

I've tried to find an interesting topic to share, like I've tried a few times nak post that entry on how much I adore AQ ... But rase hipokrit kat diri sendiri if I put that up, sebab it's shaky between us since he left last weekend ... Back to work ...

So, a few people addressed their concerns to me since yesterday ... After what I posted on facebook ... Yes, I admit ... Aku memang emo ... I'm lying if I tell you guys I'm just fine ... I went thru a break up 3weeks ago, & now there's another heart breaking moment that I have to deal with ...

I cried my heart out, hahah ... But only when I'm alone in the car, it's my ego ... Hahah ... I don't cry in public ... & I'm good in hiding my feelings ... But actually, when I think back ... Aku pun tak paham kenape nak nangis, ;p ... I guess it's the emotions clouded since the last heart break, that I left ignored ...

'Her/She' dlm context tersebut bukan la org ketiga like my previous relationship ... It's something I can't tell, only those I trusted jek I bagitau ... But I'm going to explain things in the most proper way I can do, in the same time trying my best utk tidak menyinggung mane2 pihak ...

So, over my conversation dgn P (nama sebenar dirahsiakan) ... I should forgive him, sebab 'her' didn't count ... Because it didn't involve feelings ... Then akan timbul argument, why kene forgive AQ ... But not KA ... As I said in my previous post, KA is a mistake ... & the situation is totally different ...

Then I had this conversation with my mum earlier this morning, she just got back from India on Wednesday ... & guess what ?? Instead of sharing her experiences visiting daddie, she asked - "How's ur abe doing" ?? Giler pissed of aku di situ, that's the 1st question she asked me ... Bukan "Did you went for holiday in these 2weeks" ke, die tanye bf aku sehat ke tak ?? Demn ...

My point is, my mum kind  of telling me ... It's a men's nature ... & I should forgive him ... Tu dah rephrase la, mamak told me in different sentence ... Indirectly ... It's just me actually, I dunno how to forgive him ... I know, I shouldn't compare them ... I can't compare what KA did, dgn AQ ... But why do I have to care about him feeling hurt being compared, while he don't try to understand my feelings when he repeat the same mistake KA did ??

So ... Right now, lets take things slow ... I can't really tell, what I wanna do ... Because honestly I dunno how to handle this ... Yes, I can forgive him ... But tell me how ?? Let's pray, with God's will ... My heart will be lebih tenang, & I can think about this in the whole picture ...

Give it some time, then I'll made up my mind ... Don't worry about me ... Yeah, things are rough for me ... But I have to deal with it, instead of running away ... Enough said, I'll update with you guys when I got the situation resolve ... Pray for me ~

Things About Me: Part IV - Another Break Up

Hoyehhh, aku tukar bf lagi ... Laju giler hapdet, hak hak ... But this is a general update la, so that people who care ... & generously pouring advises on me, well informed of my current status ... I really appreciate korang nyer advice, cume kadang2 emo sendiri kerana stress ... Please forgive me, kalau tibe2 t'marah ... Or tibe2 I went silent, xreply ur text/bbm/wassapp ...

So I officially left KA, for my own good ... Bukan sebab aku dah ade AG AQ (cait, camne bole sala ni), or aku pegi jumpe FA & he called me darling ... Heh, bukan2 ... Sebab kepentingan diri sendiri terlalu bnyk terabai sebulan ni, it's time for me to treat myself better ... Details ?? Xdo ehhh den nak publish sumer kek cni ...

Nak gossip, siler call or bbm ... Heh ...

Forget he's a good husband, forget my mum really likes him ... When it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be ... & aku xde la desperate sgt, like some other people tu ckp - aku desperate sgt nak kawen sebab tade org nak kat aku ... I'm willing to take the risk, leave everything I have & start fresh ... When I'm not happy, I'll leave ... Bukan stay, makan hati every now & then ... Utk happy ending yg aku sendiri tak pasti ...

Part of it, I'm dealing wif my biggest fear ... So I know, that bukan sebab barang aku worth 5k kat rumah die ... Or bukan my superstitious believe over the sequences of signs that I got from my own judgement yg make me stay all these while ...

For the other side of support team, yg percaye I shud perjuang kan my love ... I'm sorry, bukan xmakan saman dgn ur advice ... But I've done begging, tolerating ... Sumer dah ... I cudn't find my ego at some point ... I've tried for a month now,  now it's time already ...

Xde citer sedih nak share2 d cni, nanti I'll update camne I deal wif the break up ... Buat mase ni I'm fine, ikut lagu fav adik Cherry pun ... Dah puas menangis semalam, heh ... Rite now, dunno how to smile & tell my mum - "Mak, I nak tukar abe baru ... Bole" ?? Demn ...

Till then, please don't worry 'bout me I'm fine (pastu korang sambung nyanyi lagu Neyo ramai2, heh) ...

Hijrah

Walaupun sebok nak balik, nak kene settle this post jugak ... Because it's a good thing, nothing to be ashamed of ... & better to do it right away before I left it on the back of my mind ...

So, t'lihat kan gambar a friend of mine kat fb yg cantek molek ini ...

It just hit me, one day I'm gonna be there ... Answering the call ... Bukan kerana abe semate-mate, but for myself & my parents ... Cume skarang, saye belum cukup sempurna utk itu ...

All I can do for now, kurang kan perkara2 yg tak baik ... & tambah ape yg patut ... Sampai saye rase, pemakaian selaras dgn amalan hidup seharian ... Honestly ?? Bnyk lagi yg kurang ... But insyaAllah, I'll be there someday ...

Lots of luv ~

What Happened in 2011

Lambat giler aku update blog, everything was in a slow phase now ... Heheh, chilling in the new year ... Or maybe it's just me who being too hard on myself, I just started a new job scope ... New life, new home ... New bf, hehe ... & it's only been like what ?? 2weeks of 2012, chill la kan ...

So lets start with last year's review ... It started bumpy, with unstable relationship ... I wasn't happy, but bertahan ... Hehe, nothing to regret on things I've done ... It's a good experience tho, I've learnt a lot from my mistakes ...

1st Half - 

I managed to stay in a relationship, till the max I can stand it ... Half way through, I started to explore more options ... Opened up a little bit more, & tried not to tie myself down to an option ... Stop thinking that I have less time, & limited options ...

The best lesson learnt - never get myself settle to an idea that I'm not pleased with ... In other word - never settle with something that I don't feel worth it, & start to think more about me rather than to please others ...

My career was also in a slow phase back then, since I'm still under contract & there's not much I can do except to learnt & get the most valuable experiences from my current position ...

2nd Half -

I made a lot of bold moves towards the past 6months of last year ... Which I can mostly said, out of my comfort box ... :D - Found a bf who cheated on me 2months after (or even earlier than that, not that I knew ?? heh), somehow I managed to get backed up & became stronger ... Wiser, I must say ...

Towards the end of my service kat Kerteh, I always said this - "I'm a different person than who I am, the moment I stepped in there" ... It is, experiences thought me to be stronger ... In more rational way, I must say - I'm a meaner person now ... But as I said, I not here ... Live to please others, my needs is more important than others to me now ...

But I bet you guys knew me well, I can always said that ... But deep inside, I'm still that person ... You guys love being around, been comfortable with & nice to those who treated me nicely ... Especially my true friends, near or far ... No matter how long we never see each other ...

When I left KK on my November visit, I was so determined to leave KL ... & moved to KK, that's my plan actually ... I've asked quotations to move my things to KK, & start my life there ... Living my biggest fear, that I can't find a decent guy to get married to once I've moved there ...

It's a huge decision, somehow I kept it to myself ... Sebab daddie give me a condition - I have to find a job before I can move there ... All I can think of - I wanna be happy with the person I loved the most ... My bestfriends, my brother ... & part of me, tired of people who kept sticking their noses in my business ... So I needed something bold for a fresh start ...

Do I regret that my plans didn't turned up as I planned ?? Not really, sebab I believe rezeki ade di mana2 ... Maybe this is the best, since I wasn't completely ready ...

But something amazing happened to me by end of November, which left me blessed & extremely happy ... Cancelled all my bold plan in mid November ... Sebab tu update sumer slow since November, hehe ... Too personal utk digembar gembur kan at the moment, enough that you guys know that I'm happy ...

I've learnt a lot in 2011, & yahhh ... It's a good year, relationship & career wise ... Walaupun actually bnyk giler drama & adegan emo, hahah ... But lets leave them behind ... & wish for a better year ... & I've discovered my own ability, which I never knew I could do ...

Finally, let's close the curtain ... & plan a better future ahead ... To my dear Anis, no matter how far apart ... I'll always be by your side ...

Luv u darl ~

Hello 2012

Lame giler dah tak update blog ... Sgt, sgt bz ... Dgn transfer, & new job scope ... Now tgh pecah kepale nak crack balik all the formulas from the past 3years, heh ... It's not a wonderful week to start the year, but not going to elaborate on that ... No sorrows to share to start the year ...

Lets start the year with new resolutions:

1. Get Rid of the Less Important

2011 ended penuh dramatic, kene baling cabinet ... Hahah, but not going to elaborate on that either ... Sebab dah masuk kes polis, xbole bagi statement lebih2 ...

But I've already get rid of unnecessary people, those yg b'masalah & causing more problems - already got totally disconnected & left behind by end 2011 oredy ... Dengan harapan, less drama ...

2. Let Bygone be Bygone


Ex boiprengs, former friends sumer I left behind in 2011 ... Together with all the dramas, xkuase nak ingat2 ... Tapi kalau ko nak menyibuk lagi, nanti aku kutuk la kat blog ... Heheh, cam tetibe my block list came up with a name yg dulu xde dlm list ... Rupe2 nyer dah kene dump, heheh ... Dah tu, kau unblock aku buat ape ?? Nak bukak persatuan ?? Sorry dear, just move on yahhh ??


3. Savings, Savings

Started end 2011, savings pun agak maju & laju ... Bangge jugak la dgn diri sendiri, credit cards debts pun looking good ... Less swipe & more payment ... Harap2 by mid 2012 dah bole go shopping seperti suatu ketika dahulu ... Wee ...

4. Relationship 210 - Take Things Slow

Hah, post about Relationship 101 xsettle lagi ... Hahah, tape2 ... Slowly, now with a more promising candidates ... I can elaborate it in a better way ...

When I said 'I take things slow', I never stop sebenar nyer ... Tu la sampai ade those yang don't try to understand me call me desperate ... But then, lets leave them out of the picture ... The most thing I can  take slow is my heart, but my commitment will never stops ...

Tell me how can I take it slow, when I know him for a month ... & I can sent all my stuff in my whole house to him ?? But I have my considerations jugak, xde la aku bute2 bagi org barang rumah aku kan ... It took a lot of trust, & of course he's a good man to take the responsibility when he agreed to accept it ...

people who really care ~

5. Healthier Life Style

So far, bole duduk office the whole day without a puff cigarettes ... No matter how stressful it is, cume sometimes pagi2 tu stress sebab jem nak gi keje ... So smoking before, or after work only ... Shud try leaving the cigarettes box kat rumah ... Supaye tangan xbole nak capai2 time driving ...

No more after mid night activities, so far 2012 ni tak penah pegi lagi ... Befday dinner pun, healthy dinner with my dearest family at my happy place - Ole2 Bali, Solaris Mont Kiara ... :D - Hopefully things will remains the same sampai biler2 ...

Took a greater care on personal care, been thru all kind of necessary tests since July 2011 ... AlhamduliLlah sumer went well ... Since I completely moved to KL area, so I can seek better help for my allergies ... About 3times taking anti allergies shots from doctor in Kerteh, sampai specialist kat Taipan finally they declared it Eczema ehhh ... Memang best la ...

Spend a couple hundreds ++ on that, but things are looking good after a couple days of treatment so far ... Itchy2 pun dah kurang, doctor perempuan ... So she worries about the scars more, heheh ... Siap suruh go for acne treatment ... ;p - Sabar2, one step at a time ... Budget tgh tight ...

6. Work, Work & Work

Focusing more on work, really wanted to excel myself ... Learn the most selagi ade peluang, a week ni things agak slow ... But I'm willing to seek for help, maybe nak gi study balik dgn my dearest bff Naqia ... Dear, please bear my stupid questions ... Before I present myself to my superior ... Hehe, sebab dah tahap kronik dah my design skill ni ...

7. My Power Animal

Tatau la aku ni superstitious ke hape, but I realized that my life really gets better with E-bit & Demok ... Yeah, the metal rebbit year is over ... But I'll always love them, lagi la tuan dorang ckp their family member dah goal ... & hope I can breed them, let them be the prime generation plak ... Dah branak nanti, bole bagi balik kat tuan die ... :D

Memang about a week I took them in, trus dpt boipren ... Then rezeki mencurah2, since they're around ... Imagine one of my credit cards, dr almost 2k ... Now dah tinggal rm800 ++ ...

Dear E-bit & Demok, walaupun it wasn't you guys nyer year anymore ... I'll always love you guys ... I'll put my best effort to take care of both of you ... Nanti aku carik kan aweks, hehe ...

8. More Patience, More Love

I'll try my best not to be a complainer, rase nyer ... My friends pun dah boring dgr citer pasal those who dunno how to appreciate me ... Kalau dah sebakul complaint jek, baik tinggal jek kan ... Buat ape nak complaint2 lagi ...

So I'll took more advice from those who really care, & to show my gratitude on that - I'll make a decision for myself ... So tak payah la nak ngadu2 lagi on things that wasn't important kan ... Better use their time giving me other useful advises ...

More loves are definately there, my wall penuh with my dear friends & families thoughtful wishes on my birthday ... Sampai tak larat nak comment satu2 ... Thanks guys, I really appreciate that ... God bless every single one of you ...
                                                                                             
Enough with 8 la, ni resolutions aite ?? Wishlist aku buat 12 ... Hehehh ... Till then, have a blast in 2012 ... Live like there's no tomorrow ...

~ Lots of Luv ~

People Talk

I always think, people will always think of you the way the wanted to think about you ... & I still do ... It's like, regardless what you've done for them ... Put aside all your positive efforts, they'll always remember you by the one (or maybe more) thing they hate about you ...

Yes, I do have things I hate about someone else ... But I always tolerate the weakness with that person's best personality ... Or even there's only a few things to appreciate compare to their pile of weaknesses pun, I always consider them as a friend ... & friends stick together for better or for worse, even when there's a few times I'm ashamed by their behavior towards my another circle of friends ... I apologized for them said, "she's a b!+ch but she's my best friend" ...

Growing up, people became even more mean & heartless ... Those selfish enough, will only think about themselves ... Their happiness, & protecting what the consider their's ... Friends or no friends, most of the time money is more important than making your friends happy ...

For instance, you'll feel left out when your friend went out for vacation with her other circle of friends ... Nak kecik hati sebab you're not invited, or she didn't put effort to initiate that kind of hangouts with you ... But if you got invited pun, you'll put on a face when you're around her other circle of friends ... Make it difficult for her to choose between her other friends, or you ...

If it's was for me, maybe I'll get jealous for a while ... In time, I'll heal & move on ... & most probably, I never voice out my feelings ... I keep it to myself, let her have her moment ... & wait patiently, because one day I'll have what I dreamt of ... Yet, there's still people out there who go around telling people that I always have hidden agendas ... Base on what, I totally have no idea ... & my life is too precious to care more about them & their negative thoughts ...

The best thing I can do for my own good, leave all these people who dunno how to appreciate me behind ... & cherish those who's willing to do all it takes to spend time with me ... Seriously, recently I found out that I've wasted too much time chasing people who'd taken me for granted ... While actually there's a lot of other amazing people who actually appreciate it if I give them a chance to hangout/catch up ...

& those who dunno to appreciate ni la, yg normally go around stalk my facebook la ... Keep an update on my blog, do I have a bf ?? If I did then, when will this next guy dump me ... For what, God knows kan ... But base on my understanding, you know deep inside what you said about me is not true ... That's why you kept trying to find a reason to prove it, stalk me thru fb & blog ... Hoping, one day you'll find the reason to prove I'm worth all the things you said ...

My advice, just move on ... If you hated me that much, buat ape keep an update about me ?? For your own good, stop stalking me ... & focus more on your current life/relationship ... Again, move on !!!

I can't be around people who keep telling me it's wrong to be happy, & I just can't stand those who made me feel guilty when I'm doing the right thing ... While there's other people who kept telling me I'm too kind & sweet that it make it hard for you to be around me when you're just not good enough ... It's just confusing ...

Once a friend told me that I have a noble heart, that I should share my thoughts with others ... Because it's beautiful, the way I think about it ... My perspective towards things happened in life, that's the reason I started blogging in the 1st place ... But since things didn't really turn out as planned, it scares me ... It's just feel like sharing is not a good thing (this is what I mean, certain people just make it feel wrong to do the right thing) ...

But I'm not going to let others change me, I'll be sharing my experiences & approach in my daily life ... It's just a matter of time ... Till then, this <3 is for those who really care ...

Have a great weekend ahead ~

Lost in Words

I'm back in sanity, AlhamduliLlah ... No need an expensive vacation, or getaway to some fancy island to ease my mind ... Just enough being around people who really cares, instead of some fake friends ... I did - promised I won't curse again in my blog, somehow I'm just a human ... Punya kelemahan & pertimbangan pun berkurang bila kesabaran diuji ... Yeah, bahase Melayu saye masih credit ... Thanks ...

Kalau korang rase, menyakitkan hati aku itu satu sumber inspirasi utk menjamin kebahagiaan korang ... Go ahead, I'll stay in silence like I always do ... & kalau korang rase, check my blog everyday itu satu kemestian utk meyakinkan diri sendiri yg bf korang tidak curang ... It'll be my pleasure ...

For what it's worth, I'm no less than who I really am ... I'm still here, holding on to the best I have left ... Setelah sesi lepak 4jam with my bestie yg dah 3thn xjumpe, I realize something (which I'm not comfortable to share with you) ... Somehow got me thinking - I'll find a decent guy someday, & I don't mind waiting ...

Just that, enough is enough ... Let me move on & live my life, stop trying to hurt me ... Maybe saye tak perasan, dr pertuturan atau perilaku ... Ade yg menyinggung mane2 pihak, sometimes when I talk about something - some may find it interesting while others might think that's annoying ...

I had enough, living under the microscope ... Where you feel like every single move will be closely observed, & every single words I said will be judge by those who I don't even know ... But life's unfair, & I'm trying my best not to complaint ...

For the 2nd time, I wish you guys good luck & all the best in every single thing you do ... Have a good life with your loved ones ... I'm not going to say 'leave me alone' since it's not going to make any change ... My advice - for you own good, stop trying to get to me since it's only going to hurt you back ...

Enjoy your holiday, my dear readers ...

Untitled

Do you ever feel like someone's talking bad about you, judging you when they don't ever met you ... Somehow have a strong opinion of what type of person you are, base on their perception ... & no matter what you do, you can't change the way they think of you ... & it's just not worth it to stand up to those kind of people ... Since you're never really connected anyway ...

I'm that person, who often got misunderstood by my appearance ... I have this cold face towards someone I barely know, & I have no intention of getting rid of that ... Since that was me defense mechanism towards something I can't trust - like someone you just met ...

Seriously, I don't do that purposely so I can give them something to talk about ... It's just me, I'm not quite open to those I'm not comfortable with ... & I don't live to please others ... But I'm human as well, sometimes ... Or maybe each & every single time, it hurts when people judge ... It depends rather you care, or you don't & just move on ...

People said, "Xpe la, muke cantek ... Senang je" ... The truth is, it's not easy ... When you have a lot of talents, you collect pile of enemies as well ... Lets not address them as an enemy, they're envy ... Bukan senang to say, "I'm happy for you" when you really mean it ... Put yourself in your friend's shoes, do you really think they're really happy for you ?? I rather not say that, I'll came up with some other phrases if it didn't came from my heart ...

I was a different person back then, aku suke menyerang - voice out my opinion ... In an offensive way of course, aku suke humiliate person that messed with me in my blog ... But I promised myself that I won't do that again, since I have no idea who's my silent readers are ... Of course I wrote it to send a message to some particular individuals, but the whole world can read it ... It's just not right to do so ...

I see that as an appropriate & wiser step in making my writing inspirational & benefit others ... So, from previous drama ... Which I already wish it ended, it does ... Somehow, they still find ways to get my attention ... & here we go again ... My relationship ended up in March, can you imagine how long was that ?? It's been more than 6months now ... Why can't everybody just get over it ??

Nothing they do that really makes me care actually, until ... Someone uploaded our picture back in January ... I deserve to be mad over that, it's simply over the limit ... I even have that album deleted when I started a new relationship in June ... Memang la there's no harm since I'm single, but that's just too much ...

I'm not that mad to go scream at her, enough with a simple step of damage control - delete that picture & pretend like nothing happened ... Apart of me, tired of the drama actually ...

Honestly, I pity her ... I do go thru that phase at some point in my relationship ... That was when I was with Muiz, it's just me alone in the relationship ... But I'm going to say I'm hundred times luckier, sebab Muiz is actually existed ... His attention is there, just I can't have his heart ...

Of course, I'm jealous ... Tgk org lain declared themselves in a relationship, & they're happy with each other ... While I can't have that with Muiz, because he's not on Facebook ... But managing 'the boyfriend's' Facebook account ?? Update status sorang, like sorang2 ... Seriously ?? Kesian tau ... Actually I don't really care, but when you uploaded that picture of us ... That's my privacy you're messing with ...

I don't know what she's thinking, if she thinks I'm a competition ... That's rubbish because I'm not even competing ... & if you think by humiliating me will make you a better person, I suggest you think again ...

Actually the inner side of me still think it's that less attractive girl from previous drama yg made these up ... I do think she purposely create the chat log with herself, because she knows someone would have read it ... Even saying it made me feel bad, but I'm not going to elaborate on that ...

It's just made me think, no matter what happened ... I'm still lucky ... With all these mess in my life, I still manage to find way to be happy ... Around people who really loves me, instead of hoping for someone to love you ...

Don't worry about me, I'm starting to get comfortable being single now ... Till then, take care guys ...

~Lots of Luv~

Blessed

Somewhere in the dawn, when the sun started to shine out very few amount of the morning ray ... I found a place in my broken heart to forgive them ...

I forgive you Fariz, & her ... & your friends too ~

It feel like a relieve of burden to finally get there, & clear my chest from all the pain I've been carrying around ... I feel blessed, alhamduliLlah ...

I can see his name on the side bar, without feeling mad or annoyed ... You guys have a good life ...

Morning everyone, have a blessed Friday ...

Sharing Love

I've remove a post, Staying Strong ... Which I wrote about my ex's friend, who's constantly being rude to me ... Bukan sebab we've broke up ... Tapi sebab gambar die made a big statement ... Since I have a conversation recently ...

Me: I dah break off last week ...

M: Ni bf yg yg mane ni, yg gambar dekat karaoke tu ehhh ??

And another conversation a few weeks earlier ...

Mek: Mu pakai baju ape tu mokcik ... Mcm (ape bende ntah die ckp, aku dah lupe) ...

Tapi her point is, baju ke ... Memang kau xpakai sluar mokcik ?? Heheh, ok ... Gambar itu too much !!! Sebab tu saye remove the post, ok fine ... Tipu la kan kalau I nak ckp xde kene mengena langsung with the break up ... So now it's over, that post mean nothing ... Heheh ...

But I won't remove the post about how we met ke & the datings ... What's done is done la kan, it's just a break up ... Nobody's dying ... Later I'll elaborate more on the break ups ... Sebab post tu akan jadi depressing, so I need to get in the mood ... Right now, xrase mcm nak men'depress'kan diri anytime soon ... Thank you ...

Ade jugak I read someone else's blog, quite femes la ... Follower ramai, that how we define famous in blogger world kan ?? He kept on condemning girls who extremely express their happiness on blog ... Those who post gambar2 romantic dgn bf ... Salah ke ??

I mean, memang salah la ... Kalau belum kawin, posing peluk2 dgn bf ... He was trying to point out that, kalau people judge you social ke hape ... Jangan nak melenting la ... Actually his word is more extreme, I rephrase it in a very polite manner dah tu ...

But that what most girls do kot, trying to share her happiness with the whole world ... & what's wrong with that ... Cume cara masing-masing berbeza ... Ade yg show off gambar visits to relatives place mase raye, & those yg extreme akan post gambar when they're on vacation or something like that ...

So, yg b'gambar peluk2 tu perempuan jahat ?? Yg ambik gambar with her girlfriends, pegi island vacation ... Padahal yg snap the picture tu her bf, itu yang t'baik ?? This is all human's behavior ... Sgt subjective, & I don't wanna go in too deep about it ... Sebab my life is too precious to care that much about what other people want to do ...

I'm one of the girl, yg show off her bf to the whole world ... Sebab for me, that who I am ... I'm not going to pretend to be someone else, just sebab makcik seblah xsuke tgk aku pakai skirt kluar rumah ... But I will put on a proper jeans, so that jiran seblah xpikir yg enga'2 towards my family ...

So, in case for my picture dlm post yg I delete tu ... It's better be removed sebab my close friends sumer bagi -ve feed back ... Utk myself, & those who really care about me ...

I'm not the girl yang made up fairy tales stories, I didn't just tell you guys the happy moments to brag ... But I did share my problems, the down side of my relationship ... Reality lies behind the needs of being in the comfort zone, & things are just not as easy as you imagine ...

Ok, just saying yg dah jadi sangat panjang ... I'll spill more details in the next entry ... Thanks for all the love & support girls, luv u guys ...

Things About Me: Part III

Little angel that will always remind me of things I really wanted in life ...

After a successful pre open house last night, my house mcm dah raye now ... With my grandma & auntie ... At the moment, tgh tunggu turn mandi ... So update blog jap, hahahahahhahahah ... Pasni kene bawak dorang pegi jln TAR tau !!! Sorry wani, aku pegi dulu servey2 ... Nanti next week kita pigi jugak ...

Thanks for all my friends that hav been supportive thru my 2months relationship ... Which now I can clearly announce (or understood) - it's OVER ... Thanks to those who been asking me to hang on there, & to those who's been telling me he's not the guy jugak ... I appreciate both +ve & -ve advices ...

It's time for me to move on, I'm taking a baby step on it ... At the moment, I already delete all the sms ... & pictures, just ade 2pictures left ... Later la, I'll transfer ... Hahah ... His special setting on phone book pun already cleared ... The only thing that haven't been removed - is the idea of he's coming back ... Hahaahahahahahaah ... Sorry la, saye memang sgt b'terus terang ... Sorry if u hate that, kalau menyampah ... Jangan bace blog aku ...

Tipu la kan, if I said I can erase him just like that ... I WISH, I can honestly be doing all the good things for myself ... Without wishing for him to realized it, will be working on that from now on ...

~ 'Untuk bakal suami tercinta' ~ that's my latest approach ... Everything I did, trying to quit smoking ... Skipping 'opera' session ... Staying home, instead of somebody else's home ... Hahah, I really wish I can honestly be doing it for myself ... Honestly ?? I don't think I hav any intention of running back to him ... Or is it just my ego, clouding my judgment ...

When we broke up, he said ... He still wants me around ... But I know this kind of guy, they always have issues wif commitment ... Said he's not ready for you ... Ugly truth ?? He don't think u're the one, he deserve someone else better ... Jangan jadi hipokrit la, sgt cliche kot ... 'U deserve someone else better than me', 'I'm not the guy for you' ... 'There's nothing wrong with u, it's me' ... Tu sumer bullshit ... Find ur balls & said it ... "Kau xcukup bagus utk aku" ... Kan senang citer ...

A few weeks back, I've been thinking ... How do we survive this, when I hate his friends ... & he hates mine ... I was pretending all the time, when I have to go pick up his friend before we went to opera ... Sgt xikhlas sebenar nyer, tapi buat jugak ... Ok, enuf ... Don't make this a kutuk mengutuk session ...

I'll be fine, you shud know I'm very resilient ... Hahah, tahap bouncing aku memang sgt tinggi ... I can cry the whole night, & be fine the next day ... Hahah, but there are times when I got down on my knees over a break up ... Setahun ok, aku nanges ... But I'll never forget that, so I'll always be thankful for the peace of mind & soul blessed by God ... Never be over confident sgt, & don't get too weak over the down turns ... Bnyk2 b'sabar dgn dugaan2 from God ...

Tibe2 t'ingat kat a friend's dad, who always advice me on work & life ... That was during my life changing broke up in 2008, quote "if you think God have tested you to the most you can handle, don't get comfortable but be prepared because there's greater test for u in future" ... So, always be prepared ... For any kind of test ... & always remember, that life can turn upside down complete 180 every single day ... Just don't get too comfortable dgn nikmat yg Tuhan pinjam kan sementara ...

Ok, not going to elaborate more on that ... Sebab xrase diri ini cukup bagus lagi utk bagi nasihat2 seumpama itu ... So, enuf merepek ... I'm gonna be fine ... Dr bangi, sampai jln TAR jugak la baru siap this post ... Hahahahhahahahah ...

Hav a good weekend ...

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Things About Me: Part II

Ini adalah kesinambungan dr previous post ... Something I would like to share with my readers, sebab I know my readers are my close friends (& stalker of course) ... On my current status, progress on my relationship ...

Many of you already know, that I love weddings ... I love the dress, I love the tiny little gifts ... I just love it ... But, not so many of you don't really understand me actually ... Whenever I talk about weddings, they assume I'm desperate to get married ...

Lemme tell you my opinion on wedding, please prepare a pack of tissue if you're a sensitive person ... Heheh ... I only can start thinking about marrying a guy, when I can see him clearly in my picture of future ... Kissing my forehead, right after akad nikah ...

Because for me, it's a sign of a brand new life ... A vow he proudly announce, taking all the responsibilities regardless what happen in the future ... & forgiving the past ... Then salam cium tangan, respect & thankful for his willingness ... & a kiss on the forehead, represent the forgiveness ...

Got me ?? It's big, to me ... Bukan stakat designer dress, or invitation card from Jakarta ... Bukan jugak utk wedding by the lake or hantaran 50k ... That's how I managed to walk away from a guy who's willing to spend 80k on me, just for the wedding ... Because money is not everything ...

& right after marriage, aku nak branak terus ... So I need somebody who can deal wif that ... Kalau xmampu nak beli baby seat recaro ... Or baby walker ala2 jet ski for my baby boy, don't talk to me about getting married ... Yes, memang aku materialistic ... So ??

Rumah saye memang ade Pesona Pengantin since 2008, that's my collection ... Asal beli Pesona Pengantin jek, desperate nak kawen ke ?? When you buy Apartment, xde pulak org ckp dah excited nak beli apartment kan ?? Still menyewa jek ...

Xcaye tanye Nani, she'd been to my house ... & enjoying my collection of magazines, & most of it ... I make full use of it when my bestfriend is getting married ... All the ideas for the dresses, it came from there ...

Kalau korang rase, I just made up this stories ... To cover my S whenever I got dumped, go ahead & feel good about yourself ... It's my personal opinion on my future I laid bare naked ... & I'm taking full responsibility on choices I made ... I don't care what people said, it will go down to my own judgement eventually ...

Do you think I can consider marrying a guy who still put himself out there hugging other girls ?? Think again ... I'm not that girl who's willing to wait & swallow your lack of confidence until you say you're ready in few years time, because in the next 10years I'm gonna hav to swallow your shit thru you're middle age crisis ... But by then, you're a husband ... It's my responsibility to stay by your side, don't make me elaborate more ... Just don't make me go there ...

What the hell I'm doing now ?? I'm DATING ... It's not a relationship yet, ok I admit ... last few weeks yg t'gedik2 tu hape kan ?? That my weakness ... Over excited dgn new bf ... But we haven't passed the stage 'mengenali each other' yet ...

I admit, I like him ... Ok fine, I love him !!! But I have to be realistic, love have to work both ways ... I have to be prepared, & consider possibilities that things might not turn as I wish ... & always remember to 'Cintai dia yang mencintaiku' ... We're not breaking up, don't worry ... We're just taking things slow ...

Enough of the 'bile nak kawen' question, sebab memang jauh lagi ... Xnampak pape, ape kah lagi date ... Ok ?? Saye xtarget pun bile nak kawen ... I'll get married when I feel comfortable enough about it, bukan sebab my friends sumer dah kawen ... When the time come, I'll let you know ... Aku bukan artis pun nak kawen senyap2 annn ?? Heheh ...

Bawak2 la bersabar, nak tgk mokcik nyer wedding meletop ke xkan ?? Sorry you have to wait ...

Being Busy

Saye sangat bz rupe nye lately, baru perasan ... Since I notice my game kat facebook I left unattended ... Xde dah masak, b'kebun pun dah jarang skarang ... Now bile log in, either the food spoiled ... Or the pig dah kotor giler coz dah lame xcuci ... Heheh ...

That means I spent less time at home, hadap laptop ... & more outings ... Which is good, sebab kalau x I'll be out clubbing je ... Now that I have something to do during daytime, like watching movies & tempah baju ... Hahah ... So xde la I went all out clubbing all weekend ...

So, after party hard ... I have to go back & finish my work ... In a bulk la kan, sape suruh buat rilek2 ... Bile sampai due date, mengelabah ... That's the reason why I think, I went thru massive stress bile danak meeting ...

Then bile stress I nak balik kl, enjoy lagi ... Pastu restless over the weekend, then come back to pile of works ... Then tambah stress lagi ... Hahah ... Pastu claim myself in depression ... Xbole nak stay any longer la ... Bla x3 ... Drama queen ... Hahah ...

This is a post meeting stress, mcm biase la ... Lepas meeting, gedix nak buat entry ... Now I'm all in for material report pulak ... Restless night again I guess, xpe ... Submit sumer, nanti bole duk rilek goyang kaki ... Yolahhh tu ...

Oh, bukan ini matlamat post saya ... Tadi tibe2 ade hit my post pasal my assistant ... Tu post tahun biler ?? Hahah, ape hal dowh ?? Terase ke ?? Everytime sakit hati, nak post kat blog ?? Meroyan ke ape ??

Seriously ?? Bnyk lagi keje lain dr nak buat post pasal ko, tau ?? You know you're wrong, sebab tu mengelabah check my blog ?? Rite ?? Xkesah la, I'm looking forward for a better tomorrow ... Kau nak stay in the past (I mean dgn perangai kau dr dulu secare kasar nye), that's ur choice dude ...

Baik aku buat report wire rope ... Wish me luck guys ...

Things About Me

I nak put 'Current Status' as the title, pastu mcm ... To straight forward ... Engineered sgt, chillax la kan ... Hari Sunday ni ... Heheh ... So di pagi Sunday yg panas ni, I stayed home ... Infected by flu + fever ... From socializing too much I guess ...

So I have all these time to check my fb, blog ... Then ... Hahah, I'm being dramatic ... Sorry ... Then tibe2 stat naik post yg dah lame giler - I Decided to Marry Him: Part II ... & Bintulu - Day 2 and the sequent Bintulu - Day 3 ... FYI, there's 2different guy in the 3stories stories ... :D

Xde la lame sgt pun kan, 2months ... But for me dah lame, I get over it quite fast ... Dunno, it's good for me kan ?? That I'm resilient ?? I bounced back after a few weeks (or days ??) after break ups ... >malu< ...

I appreciate the thoughts, I know people around me really care about me ... Tanye bile nak kawen, every now & then ... It's not like I'm pissed ke ape, no ... Not at all ... For now, I only can say - it's not the time yet ... Haven't found the right person yet ...

Thanks for all the thoughts, advices ... I appreciate that, but I think I can wait a little more longer ... It's a hectic time for this year, & I can't loose my focus on another relationship ... I'm moving back to kl in 10weeks ... When I'm settled wif that, then we start talking yahhh ...

I'm trying to make used of all the advice, for now ... It's time to give some space to 'me', trying not to be to hard myself ... Too determined to achieve my goals ... Tapi Linda, aku memang xpaham ape yg kau cube nak sampai kan smalam ... Hahah ...

Have a nice Sunday guys ...