Another Weird Dream

Not that weird actually, I saw my so called very recent ex doing his other gf ... Slightly before that he was with me ... So the moment I woke up, bukak insta and saw something about forgiveness ... But I refused, because I think he's being so mean ... Almost cost me another job, cut down all my connections ... My friends, my activities was all in a controlled numbers the moment I start spending time with him ...

So I was looking for a title that will match the situation, A Weird Dream catch my attention ... Really huh ?? Reading it back made me mad at myself ... Just like 2 years ago, I let things interrupt my career ... The exact word - 'Even when I'm barely knew them, then they ended up messing my work' ... And as far as I'm concerned, my work is the only thing I cared about ... Besides my family, and I do keep my job/get a better one to make them happy ...

Boifren ?? That is somebody I toss away in every 6 weeks ... At average, haih ... Often when it happened, I'll play victim ... We broke up on Tuesday, I go chop of my hair on Thursday ... On Friday, I got the urge to buy 'Why Men Marry Bitches' ... The first chapter already upsets me, masuk second chapter I'm already became annoyed ... Motif ?? It describe women mcm powerless, too stupid and only thinks about getting married ...

Every single thing the writer wrote about things girls do wrong, is actually what my ex been doing for the past 6 weeks ... He talks about commitment, he talks about 'my' biological clock ... He even talks about marriage, while I'm just there enjoying my freedom from my previous relationship ... Which traumatized enough, even when it's over its still haunting me ... And darling, that 5th June I mentioned, was figured out before you were considered ... You're just there filling the spot ...

This might sound like a cocky post to boast up my ego, but to me it's just a post to muhasabah diri ... This is what I've been doing since day one, I put myself down to be at their level ... Make them feel even, while I always have more than everyone else ... Yes, maybe I'm not as rich ... But I'm lot better in so many ways ... Education level, family ties ... My family can accommodate me anytime needed ... I live in the heart of damansara, not because my family is rich ... I have a lovely aunt who gave me a room, so I don't have to rent a room in Kampung Baru ...

I got a car which I accidently bought in 2013, at least that what I've been telling people about my imported car all these while ... Truth is ?? The hell bitch, I can freaking afford that ... My loan got approved at 1st try, no guarantor ... So why do I have to low down myself for anybody else's satisfaction ?? You have problem with my achievement ?? You gotta work bitch ... And guys, please go deal with your ego somewhere else ...

I will never put down any of my previous post upon someone else's order, that's my memory ... So its up to me if I wanna put it down, in the case of Amirul Haqim - I left my insta account on his phone ... So I can't argue on the outcome ... For now, if you can't deal with it ... Just walk away ... But I bet this is not you league anyway ... Something might just be lost in translation 😊

As I mentioned in my instagram, 'it doesn't matter how far we can go, knowing you is a blessing' ... It is blessing, now that I can finally stand up for myself ... Eliminates all the negative influences, making my life better for no one but myself ... And I'm just not the type who trash my ex, address them jantan tak guna whatsoever ... If they do me wrong, I learn from that ... If I do them wrong ?? Yeah, it's my bad ?? Hehe ... No regrets, there's nothing to loose ...

So what's the point of saying things out publicly ?? To make myself feel better ?? Not really, I wanna stop being so mean ... It is all my game since day one, as I mentioned earlier - I play victim ... The power is all on me, he's the one needed my attention ... That's why I left him two weeks ago ... Took all my things out ... Because I have all the right to choose ... Then I choose to left him again on Tuesday ... Then I gave him a taste of what my life have been without him on Saturday,  then I crushed him again on Sunday ...

Why ?? I can handle everything well ... I can deal with the fact he's out with the other gf watching movie, and salam cium tangan before I left ... But the other gf ?? I crushed her in less than 2hrs with my public instagram profile ... Because the power is all in my hand, I know how powerful my personality are ... And I know how crazy she went over social media ... For that I'm sorry ... I'm truly sorry, for her ...

I can move on at any time, I can move on on Thursday ... I can be completely move on on Saturday ... But I choose to bully them, I do one thing ... And she follows thru as I planned ... So I'm going to stop now ... Stop being so mean, because my pain is nothing compares to hers ... I can find another him, I can find someone better from him ... Whatever we did was hurtful enough, so I'll end everything here ...

So I blocked them both from seeing my pictures ... I hope it helped her stop the pain ...

This is Manjung: Work Hard, Play Hard

This is the job that I decline back in 2012, korang bole refer entry Suratan atau Kebetulan & Loosing Your Values ... About a year later, I gave the HR department a call ... Notify them that I'm available to join them now ... The HR lady trus arrange for an appointment the day after, somehow I have to attend another session of interview sebab the head of planning department yg handle technical staff tade ... I've already forgot when was that last interview, I think that was before raya ... Yeahhh, sebab I attended a course in the office mase bulan puasa ... They offered me a drink, but I declined sebab respecting Ramadhan walaupun saye xpuase ... :D

During the last interview, that was when I had a crush on my boss ... Haha, a year ago mamat tu ntah baru balik dr site mane kan ... Selekeh je, now dah boss duk attend meeting tu la bole pakai smart2 kot ... Haha ... The next day mase attend the training course, I googled him & found out that he's married ... Then everything stops there, you guys know I had a strong crappy policy on married guys kan ?? & I still hold on to that very principle strongly, will never ruin someone's marriage ... Chewahhh ...

But ade jugak la fikiran jahat, 'will it change anything if I join them last year' ?? 'Did I made the move a year too late' ?? Jawapan nya ialah tidak !!! Memang boss aku dah kawen, xde effect pun saye join bile ... Last year when I'm about to join tu, he's having his first born ... Paragraph ini wujud semata2 mengelak kan rasa hipokrit dlm diri, kekkekkekeekkeke ...

Interview seblom raye, was waiting for their respond kengkonon nak kene tender resignation kan ... This part I will explain in my next entry why the word kenkonon tu even existed ... After raye also dorang diam je, sampai putus harapan la tunggu dorang offer ... After my brother's reception on end of September pun senyap lagi, mase tu still menaruh harapan la since I declared I'll be available by October ... Sampai kene carik other option to survive, sewa rumah pun dah delay sampai a month in stead of 1-2 weeks on August & September ...

Sampai ... 17th of October, I received a phone call ... Tanye biler free, I said I'm available immediately ... Trus kene gi kj, sign appointment letter ... Esok kene gi Manjung dgn boss ... Aku ni seronot sgt dpt keje, gi celebrate 'farewell' party la sgt ... Pagi bgn2 je dah 8stengah ... So I missed my first ever site visit, & late for my 1st day ... Sabtu masuk office jumpe boss, trus sign allocation letter kene hantar to Manjung ... 

Mase tu memang xpikir ape, boipren sumer ku tolak ke tepi ... Dlm kepale otak cume ade satu bende, nak balik umah pack barang ... Mengikut perjanjian asal, kene duduk Manjung 3weeks je ... Tu yg mcm eksaited je kan, keng konon weekend je nak gi Pangkor la ... 3weeks later ?? Here I am, still in Manjung ... Extended for another month, katenyer ...

None of the introduction above related to my main point in this post, but at least I give you guys an interesting start kan ?? Hihi ... So, same thing happened this year ... As I just joined the company, dpt another offer ... Rm 650 extra from my current salary, kau ade ?? Hehe ... But I declined atas bnyk faktor ... & bnyk jugak reference & good advice from people around me ...

Sebagai contoh, my father pun advice - 'more money normally come with more responsibilities, less hours for yourself' ... And someone I just knew share a very good advice - 'it's a test either you're greedy or being thankful' ... 

This year's choice not as stressful as last year's decision that I made ... Reason being - I always feel this job was meant for me ... Imagine, I went for 4 interviews before I finally join them ... & after a year, masih lagi rezeki utk saya ... Complete with penantian 2bulan for the job offer, fair & square la with the fact that I turned down their offer last year kan ?? Heh ...

As I claimed this was meant for me, it's not that easy for me to take care of it actually ... Kadang2 kite rase, 'sape la nak dengki, bukan bnyk pun gaji saye kalau nak banding dgn pengarah cawangan jalan JKR daerah Manjung' ... Tapi kite berurusan dgn manusia, ade manusia yg xpuas hati dgn semua bende ... Jadi kalau die dah nak dengki, die tetap akan dengki jugak walaupun kelebihan tu sebesar zarah ...

So nak kire mcm mane ?? Die tabur pasir kat rezeki awak, pastu awak tabur pasir balik kat die ?? Tu sebenar nyer terpulang pd individu terbabit ... Mcm saye, saye pk die ade anak ... Tinggal anak die kat rumah, sebab nak keje tolong suami ... Sampai hati tak kau ?? Kalau aku memang xsampai dik !!!

Question - "kenape awak nak pk pasal die, die pk pasal awak ke" ?? "Die tak pk ke, mcm mane awak rase kalau org buat mcm tu kat die" ?? Ok, kalau aku tambah lagi 1 soalan ia akan jadik menambah2 ... Haha ... So, jawapan - kan saya dah ckp tadi ... Tu lumrah manusia ... 

Saya pakai swift, die pakai myvi ... Die dengki la, walaupun instalment swift tu bole kaver pampers anak die sebulan + instalment myvi ... Kalau saye kene beli pampers ngan susu anak mcm die, mungkin saye tak mampu bayar swift ... Owh, & die xtau pun swift tu dah sangkut sebulan lebih ... Haha ...

Saya ade iPad + nokia 80 ringgit, die ade samsung ... Die tetap nak dengki, walaupun iPad tu sebenar nyer org sedekah je kat I ... Sebab susah itu org tak nampak, biler nampak org lain lebih ... Kite akan jealous ... Biler saye balik lunch bersama paper cup starbucks tu, org tak kan tau saye hulur reward card kat kaunter sambil berkata dlm key paling rendah - "dik, tolong check ... Ade free drinks tak, kalau ade saye nak redeem" ...

Nampak tak permainan nyer di situ ?? Saye penah pegi curve without spending a single cent ... Parking depan maybank - free ... Pastu pegi makan kat marche ... Bnyk duit mak makan kat marche ?? Memang takde, that was balance credit I've top up in few months ... Just swipe membership, 1sen pun xbayar ... :)

Got what I'm trying to say ?? Org tak kan tau susah kita, or maybe they know ... But they won't care that much ... Plus, I don't think people enjoy your story during hard time that much kan ?? They appreciate the the fancy food photos on instagram more, or the beautiful pictures of your vacation on private resort rather than the snap shot of balance in your acc ... Yelah, manade org upload gambar transfer duit bayar hutang ke hape kan ?? Sebok upload gambar duit berkepuk2, letak kat fb ... Motif ?? Tatau ... Padahal pegang duit tu 5mins je, boss suruh tolong cash kan duit nak bayar gaji bangla T_T ...

And another thing, biler kite terlalu obsess cerita/ambil tahu pasal org ... Awak jadik paranoid, biler nampak org discuss je ... Awak akan perasan mcm org discuss pasal awak, padahal tade ape pun ... Sebab that's what you do behind other's back, so you expect people's doing the same thing as you do ... 

Utk kesekian kali nya, it's a time utk muhasabah diri sebenar nyer ... Maybe saye pun xbole berterusan begini, open myself to the possibility utk org dengki ... But how low shud I put myself down in order to please people ?? It's your call, draw your own limit ... :) Boss saye slalu ckp, 'stay positive' ... Always think positive about others, world will be a better place tomorrow with one less negative thought in the morning ...

Ps: for the first time ever in my whole life, I felt nothing when someone confront me ... Maybe because I've already knew what's going on, so I'm well aware of what she's capable of ... :D

Halloween Party Turned Nightmare

Segan plak nak post pasal my party di kala org lain bz raye ni lepas bace blog En. Akmal tadi, I really love his latest post ... Some kind of nasihat dgn approach yg rasional ... Tidak terlalu mengkritik, somehow msg tu sampai ... Ye lah, lawyer kan ... Tetibe aku nak ckp melayu plak, hahah ...

Dah lame tak buat post menghentam a specific individu, but I'm at that point to go back there smalam ... Maybe seeing someone that I've been trying so hard to avoid for the past 12months yesterday, bring back all the negative energy ...

But let's keep myself in sanity, I'll make this post general ... I think most of my readers tau sape I'm talking about, & as usual ... I'll never advice korang utk stop berkawan dgn die or whatsoever, just berhati-hati ... This is my story to share ...

I left the house early yesterday, baik hati sangat nak ambek a 'friend' ni kat Kota Warisan, Salak Tinggi ... From my point of view, it's not that far from my house ... Kalau mek sue or someone else yg have to go fetch her, kan lagi jauh ... Since dorang stay somewhere around KL, pastu nak pegi Kota Warisan & go back KL ... So it's just something I always do, tolong org ... As long as it still in my convenience ...

So from Kota Warisan, we went to Damansara Damai ... Drop her son there, hantar her stuff somewhere nearby ... & pegi my house kat Kota Damansara kejap ambek barang ... Later on we trus head KL, sebab dah consider lambat since I'm kind of the organizer ... Nak kene check in bagai ...

Somehow the 'friend' claim she's meeting someone kat Time Square, so I dropped her there & went to the service apartment to check in ... Dgn drama booking 2rooms apartment ended up dapat 2units 1 bedroom apartment ... About an hour jugak la nak solve kan ketidak puasan hati di situ ... Then it's time to make the payment ...

Guess what ?? Duit aku tinggal 50ringgit je dlm wallet ... While I just spent rm50 kat Plaza Tol Kajang utk topup touch & go ... & takde brenti mane2 for meal or beli barang all the way from my house in Bangi - Kota Warisan - Damansara Damai - Kota Damansara - the hotel ... Toilet break pun takde ...

The worst part is, my limited addition rm50 note pun hilang ... All together, at least rm400 yg hilang ... Before my event started, dlm kereta ... All the way from Kota Warisan to KL ?? Imagine how I get thru the night ?? Stress kot ?? Memang hilang trus mood nak happy2 ... Trus lepak bilik tgk tv, mlm baru siap2 jumpe mek Sue sumer ...

Suppose I planned to go & get my make up & hair done somewhere in Ampang, konon2 nak jadik kathy peri ... Last2 I end up being Reysha Mokhtar jugak ... No special2 effect ... & terpakse hadap muka dia lagi for the rest of the night, sebab tak nak timbul kan uncomfortable feeling within member2 ...
 
Before I left the home, dah terpikir sebenarnya ... Nak inform my boyfriend, and others ... It's a party, don't trust anyone in the room ... Sebab pernah experienced duit hilang mase vacation kat PD dulu ... Nak main tuduh2 memang xbole, sebab semua pun member2 ...

Ape nak buat, bende dah jadi ... My boyfriend memang pissed off giler, sebab pelaku ade depan mate ... Somehow I didn't do anything ... Actually ade jugak perasaan nak sound die direct, but a friend of my boyfriend already said it to her face - "dorang ni ke yg rembat barang you" ?? Somehow memang muke die slamber je mcm tak bersalah ... So I guess, no matter what you say ... You'll never get your money back ... Since die pun dah joli katak kat Time Square tu ...

I learned my lesson, never trust a someone you just met, even she's/he's really friendly mcm dah 10tahun kenal ... & never leave your money sepah2, bukan tak nak percaye org ... But anything can happen, & people will go to all levels when money is involve ... My fault - I left my handbag in my own car mase naik ambek barang kat rumah tu ...


Muhasabah diri kejap, maybe ade something yg tak berkat dgn rezeki saye di tempat baru ni ... Dah 2bulan berturut2 duit saye hilang rm300 - 400 ni ... Mungkin careless, or maybe I should start bayar zakat & deduct income tax utk berkat kan rezeki tu ...

I think a few of my stalker kenal die, dr kronologi cerita dr tgh hari smalam ... Korang bole tangkap die sape ... Maybe smalam she's desperate, perlu kan duit tu utk shopping Halloween costume for the night ... Or nak beli pampers anak die ... & memang dah nasib saye terkena ...

To my friends & those who knows her, just be careful ... As I said, maybe smalam hari malang saya ... Mungkin dgn korang she'll bahave, so saye cume mengingat kan ... Prevention is better than cure, so berhati-hati la sebelum terkena ...

& to you, someone who I called a 'friend' ... Saye tau ape awak buat, awak lagi tau ape yg awak buat ...Tak perlu saye nak cerita kat org ape yg awak buat, sedar2 la diri tu ... Tak payah nak carik duit halal bagi anak makan, or "You have to respect me if you want me to respect you" kalau perangai dah mcm tu ... Just so you know, I never wanna see you face again ... Tak payah terhegeh2 nak call, aku malas nak layan ...

Kbye ~

Reysha Itu Sexy

Actually, I'm tired of negative post ... Sebab been reading my blog generally a few days back, giler last 3post sgt depressive ... Tapi hati ni membare selepas ape yg baru lepas saye discover sebentar tadi ... So never mind la, negative ke ... Positive, this is something I wanted to share ... Citer ni dah basi sebenar nyer, dr last year - end of December ... That's when we had combined event dgn this one government bodies ... Jgn tanye siape ...

Aku takde la kejam mane, nak sampai nak reveal nama ... Masa & tempat kejadian ... Cukup sekadar gambaran individu tersebut, rumusan dari kejadian ... Serta pendapat & pandangan peribadi saye tentang ape yg saye faham dari tindak tanduk dan perlakuan tersebut ... Chewah, aku memang ade bakat jadik lawyer ... Hehe ...

Satu ketika dahulu, aku dihentam oleh salah seorang peserta combined event tersebut ... Quoted: Sakit telinge dgr org mengate aku berpakaian seksi ... Ekoran dr statement tersebut, kitorang gaduh2 over the phone ... Towards me blaming makcik2 government yg tak open minded ... Seriyesly ?? Aku pakai baju kurung pun dorang akan ckp aku pakai seksi2 ...

That's what I mean, knee length skirt + long sleeves shirt ... ++ Cardigan lagi ... Itu sexy ?? Seriously ??

Dalam masa yg same, berite minah pakai sexy2 mase event tersebut tersebar secare menyeluruh kat pusat operasi dorang ... Government kan ?? Paham2 jek la ... Aku tak dpt pasti kan sebenar nyer, sape kah penyebar cerita ... Until, aku pegi stalk sorang mamat ni ... Aku google name die, maka t'jumpe la saye akan carta organisasi office beliau ... Dgn name boss die skali ...

Kantoi di situ, skarang aku tau la sape pakcik yg gigih menyebarkan cerita keseksian itu ...

Bukan pasal he spread the gossip 200km away ... Tapi sebab I honestly admire him ... For the 1st time I was brought pegi meeting when I joint the project, was a meeting pasal CPM ... My heart was pouring for him, sebab pakcik tu mcm hebat giler ... Relaxed, cool ... Somehow came up wif killing question every now & then ... Yeah pakcik, that's how much I adore you ...

Adore & pouring my heart out, is strictly work related - charismatic & ability on delivering the task ... Kalau kau kecoh duduk site 2tahun, tapi aku tanye size culvert pun xbole nak jawap ?? Hahah, sendiri mau ingat la ... Tapi xde la sampai giler kat laki org, those who knows me ... Are well aware that I don't do married man, so does bf org ... KA is a mistake, aku tatau die ade gf ... If only I knew ?? I memang xkacau, sebab aku tak suke org kacau bf aku ...

I'm naturally attracted to a man that good at work, they got this level of confident that differ from those yg tau ckp jek ... But xbole deliver ... Tapi aku pun, entry level je kan ?? So tak yah la nak complaint sgt ... Yes, I'm attracted ... My the attraction is more to admiring & respect, bukan kejar nak buat calon suami ... Hokay ??

Mcm married guys, they have this particular extra attraction (to me la) compared to those single guys ... They're neat, & more relaxed from what I've seen ... Of course, sebab ade yg menjage ... So they're neat ... & maybe because the responsibilities to the family, made them look matured compared to the single guys ... Again, I don't do married guys ... All I have for them is respect ...

Bukan senang for me to grant my respect to an individual, unless die memang betul2 bagus ... Sebab honestly, aku memang judgemental ... :D ... So having someone that I really respect to things that I personally think unnecessary & so not his level to do so, just made me even more judgemental ... Like seriously, if earlier I will say - "Owh, pakcik tu ... Sgt hot, sebab die power giler buat CPM" ... Now there'll be an addition to that story - "Owh, pakcik tu memang hebat pun ... Tapi tu la, gatal" ... Geddit ??

Enough said, individual's behaviour is not something you can change ... No matter what you said ... All I can do, is be aware ... Mcm aku dah tau pakcik tu gatal, so be extra caution being around him ... Jage pemakaian, & watch out my words ... Make sure nothing come out from me yg bole make him use as an excuse ...

Like I always feel it's ok to join the guys' dirty talk every once in a while ... But it might make them simply judge aku ni easy ... So, be extra careful with words when dealing with these kind of guys ... I'm going to stop now ... People's attitude won't change for the world, so it's up to you to make the change that make world a better place ... Till then ~

Minggu Ex Boipren

All these week, I have this instinct that I'll bump into this one particular ex ... Rase terancam jugak sebenar nyer, biler dah full time menetap around KL ni ... I love to do this to myself, imagining the worst case scenario that cud possibly happened ...

Like when I have a heaven sent bf, which I'm well aware he's not capable of cheating ... But I always have this imagination of coming back home, caught him red handed with someone else ... Hahah, giler drama queen aku ni ... But tu dulu, when things doesn't mean anything when I'm in a relationship ...

Funny, that I thought of bump into him & said - "It's good to see you" [long pause] ... "are still a loser" ... Kekekkekekekkeke ... Then coming back home to see his x-gfs both berebut2 display gambar another bf on profile picture ... Heh, waddehell ...

Tapi tu bukan masalah utame sebenar nyer, what happened to them is none of my business ... Not anymore, cume sometimes it's fun ... Tgk gelagat manusia ni, do anything to win over each other ... While there's no prize to offer pun ... To me, cukup la I'm happy ... I know it, abe knows it ... & our family's happy with it ...

Then came another ex boipren ... Yg memang aku mengetan2 nak maki ... Tapi malas nak ambek pot, sebab menyemak kot ?? Kau ade lah seorang ex boipren, kalau aku maki kau pun ... Ia dah tak membawe sebarang erti dlm hidup aku ...

Mcm mane lagi aku nak terang kan, supaye kau paham ?? Yang aku tanak ade ape2 hubung kait lagi dgn kau, kawan2 kau ... Anything, related to you ... Sebab ape ?? You know why ... Tak perlu nak share dgn semua org ... But my life is better without you ...

Kau tak payah call aku, sebab aku tak kan angkat ... & aku tade kene mengena dengan drama password kau ... Elok2 aku tatau pape, dah terbongkar gambar2 scandel kau ... Thinking about it, gambar aku dengan kau yg panas itu ... Do no harm to me pun, I look good I must say ... Hahhahahahahhaah ...

So, kau settle la hal ko sendiri eh ?? Kau kan hebat, "lu sape gua mo goyang kan" ?? Hahahhahahahhahah ...  Ok, lawak tu tak klakar ...

Let's look at it sebagai seorang yg matang, sebab aku rase masing2 dah 25 ++ ... I'm doing this, sebagai kerja amal sebenar nye ... Menyampaikan msg utk, org yg kau tak reti nak reach tu ... Kalau kau tanye aku, aku pegi report police jek ... Sumer bole trace, dr mane dorang upload gambar tu ... IP address sumer  bole trace ...

Tapi tak payah la jadik manusia yg menghancurkan hidup org lain, walaupun tindakan tu masih dlm istilah memelihara kehormatan diri ... Tapi cube kau tanye diri kau sendiri, kenape kau nak sentap biler org buat mcm tu ?? Sebab kau tak dpt terima pandangan org lain biler tgk kau mcm tu ??

I always said this when I'm around you guys - "You're responsible for your own action" ... Meaning, biler kau buat sesuatu tu ... Pikir la, baik & buruk ... Ni tak, nak yg sedap jek ... Biler org sentuh sikit keburukan yg sensitif tu, kau sentap ... Cube jangan jadik self denial, bukan nye kau kene fitnah ke hape ... Memang ade bukti dlm gambar, itu la yg kau buat ... Kenape nak mengamuk mcm kau tak buat ape2 salah ??

Aku pun bukan nye baik sgt, nak nasihat kan org lebih2 ... Tapi at least, jadik la org yg disenangi ... Supaye tade org nak dengki kau mcm ni, sampai kau rase mcm org nak jatuh kan aib kau ... Biar la ape yg didengar dr mulut tu, selaras dengan ape yg tangan & kaki kau buat ... & yg paling penting, bersih kan lah hati tu ...

Aku kalau nak dengki kau, mcm2 aku bole buat ... Quotation kau tu ?? Bole jek aku extract, bagi kat sape2 yg nak ... Tapi ade aku kesah tentang keje kau lepas kite break-up ?? Please, utk kesekian kali nye aku ckp ... Aku tanak ade pape hubung kait dgn korang ...

Biler kau b'niat, nak tgk aku tersungkur ... Sampai duduk dlm longkang, kau sepatut nyer sedar level mane hati kau tu ... Aku tak penah doa ape2 yg tak elok utk kau, mahupun kawan kau yg sorang tu ... All I know, rezeki aku ... Jodoh aku, Tuhan yg tentu kan ... Bukan kau ...

Good luck ~

What Happened in 2011

Lambat giler aku update blog, everything was in a slow phase now ... Heheh, chilling in the new year ... Or maybe it's just me who being too hard on myself, I just started a new job scope ... New life, new home ... New bf, hehe ... & it's only been like what ?? 2weeks of 2012, chill la kan ...

So lets start with last year's review ... It started bumpy, with unstable relationship ... I wasn't happy, but bertahan ... Hehe, nothing to regret on things I've done ... It's a good experience tho, I've learnt a lot from my mistakes ...

1st Half - 

I managed to stay in a relationship, till the max I can stand it ... Half way through, I started to explore more options ... Opened up a little bit more, & tried not to tie myself down to an option ... Stop thinking that I have less time, & limited options ...

The best lesson learnt - never get myself settle to an idea that I'm not pleased with ... In other word - never settle with something that I don't feel worth it, & start to think more about me rather than to please others ...

My career was also in a slow phase back then, since I'm still under contract & there's not much I can do except to learnt & get the most valuable experiences from my current position ...

2nd Half -

I made a lot of bold moves towards the past 6months of last year ... Which I can mostly said, out of my comfort box ... :D - Found a bf who cheated on me 2months after (or even earlier than that, not that I knew ?? heh), somehow I managed to get backed up & became stronger ... Wiser, I must say ...

Towards the end of my service kat Kerteh, I always said this - "I'm a different person than who I am, the moment I stepped in there" ... It is, experiences thought me to be stronger ... In more rational way, I must say - I'm a meaner person now ... But as I said, I not here ... Live to please others, my needs is more important than others to me now ...

But I bet you guys knew me well, I can always said that ... But deep inside, I'm still that person ... You guys love being around, been comfortable with & nice to those who treated me nicely ... Especially my true friends, near or far ... No matter how long we never see each other ...

When I left KK on my November visit, I was so determined to leave KL ... & moved to KK, that's my plan actually ... I've asked quotations to move my things to KK, & start my life there ... Living my biggest fear, that I can't find a decent guy to get married to once I've moved there ...

It's a huge decision, somehow I kept it to myself ... Sebab daddie give me a condition - I have to find a job before I can move there ... All I can think of - I wanna be happy with the person I loved the most ... My bestfriends, my brother ... & part of me, tired of people who kept sticking their noses in my business ... So I needed something bold for a fresh start ...

Do I regret that my plans didn't turned up as I planned ?? Not really, sebab I believe rezeki ade di mana2 ... Maybe this is the best, since I wasn't completely ready ...

But something amazing happened to me by end of November, which left me blessed & extremely happy ... Cancelled all my bold plan in mid November ... Sebab tu update sumer slow since November, hehe ... Too personal utk digembar gembur kan at the moment, enough that you guys know that I'm happy ...

I've learnt a lot in 2011, & yahhh ... It's a good year, relationship & career wise ... Walaupun actually bnyk giler drama & adegan emo, hahah ... But lets leave them behind ... & wish for a better year ... & I've discovered my own ability, which I never knew I could do ...

Finally, let's close the curtain ... & plan a better future ahead ... To my dear Anis, no matter how far apart ... I'll always be by your side ...

Luv u darl ~

People Talk

I always think, people will always think of you the way the wanted to think about you ... & I still do ... It's like, regardless what you've done for them ... Put aside all your positive efforts, they'll always remember you by the one (or maybe more) thing they hate about you ...

Yes, I do have things I hate about someone else ... But I always tolerate the weakness with that person's best personality ... Or even there's only a few things to appreciate compare to their pile of weaknesses pun, I always consider them as a friend ... & friends stick together for better or for worse, even when there's a few times I'm ashamed by their behavior towards my another circle of friends ... I apologized for them said, "she's a b!+ch but she's my best friend" ...

Growing up, people became even more mean & heartless ... Those selfish enough, will only think about themselves ... Their happiness, & protecting what the consider their's ... Friends or no friends, most of the time money is more important than making your friends happy ...

For instance, you'll feel left out when your friend went out for vacation with her other circle of friends ... Nak kecik hati sebab you're not invited, or she didn't put effort to initiate that kind of hangouts with you ... But if you got invited pun, you'll put on a face when you're around her other circle of friends ... Make it difficult for her to choose between her other friends, or you ...

If it's was for me, maybe I'll get jealous for a while ... In time, I'll heal & move on ... & most probably, I never voice out my feelings ... I keep it to myself, let her have her moment ... & wait patiently, because one day I'll have what I dreamt of ... Yet, there's still people out there who go around telling people that I always have hidden agendas ... Base on what, I totally have no idea ... & my life is too precious to care more about them & their negative thoughts ...

The best thing I can do for my own good, leave all these people who dunno how to appreciate me behind ... & cherish those who's willing to do all it takes to spend time with me ... Seriously, recently I found out that I've wasted too much time chasing people who'd taken me for granted ... While actually there's a lot of other amazing people who actually appreciate it if I give them a chance to hangout/catch up ...

& those who dunno to appreciate ni la, yg normally go around stalk my facebook la ... Keep an update on my blog, do I have a bf ?? If I did then, when will this next guy dump me ... For what, God knows kan ... But base on my understanding, you know deep inside what you said about me is not true ... That's why you kept trying to find a reason to prove it, stalk me thru fb & blog ... Hoping, one day you'll find the reason to prove I'm worth all the things you said ...

My advice, just move on ... If you hated me that much, buat ape keep an update about me ?? For your own good, stop stalking me ... & focus more on your current life/relationship ... Again, move on !!!

I can't be around people who keep telling me it's wrong to be happy, & I just can't stand those who made me feel guilty when I'm doing the right thing ... While there's other people who kept telling me I'm too kind & sweet that it make it hard for you to be around me when you're just not good enough ... It's just confusing ...

Once a friend told me that I have a noble heart, that I should share my thoughts with others ... Because it's beautiful, the way I think about it ... My perspective towards things happened in life, that's the reason I started blogging in the 1st place ... But since things didn't really turn out as planned, it scares me ... It's just feel like sharing is not a good thing (this is what I mean, certain people just make it feel wrong to do the right thing) ...

But I'm not going to let others change me, I'll be sharing my experiences & approach in my daily life ... It's just a matter of time ... Till then, this <3 is for those who really care ...

Have a great weekend ahead ~

Ugly Thought

For one second, terlintas niat jahat dlm hati - 'I can simply post a comment & screw someone's life' ... But I didn't, because I'm just not that type of person ...

Go ahead, satisfy yourself ... Call me a coward ... I admit, I don't have the guts to do so ... Even I do feel everything is so unfair to me, even I feel like all they do is disrespecting me ... 

But all that matters to me is that I can sleep at night, without worrying about what I said might cause to other person ... & not feeling guilty for the rest of my life for destroying someone else's life ...

You guys enjoy the rest of the night, bye ~

When You Need To Ring A Friend

I just don't understand, or is it me yang memang cold-hearted ?? I mean, perlu ke nak say 'hi' kat fb everyweek ?? When you're actually miles away ?? There's a few acceptance la, in staying in contact with your friends ... Being a good friend didn't necessary mean you have to kiss S every now & then, there's a thing we called 'privacy' ...

I Only Contact A Friend When ...

1. When I Need Help

Tak kesah la, thru facebook ke ... Sms ke, when you need help on things ... That you know your friends can score at it ... Mcm kau pegi Penang, nak carik Queens Bay Mall ... Masuk akal ke kalau kau call aku yg kerja kat Kerteh ni ??

Lets say -

Nik: Eh, aku lepas raye ni kene station kat Kerteh ...
Haku: Gimme a call then ...

Itu pun, Nik never called ... & to me, tu bukan sombong kot ?? Tu name nye 'mind your own business' ... Unless, memang nak suruh tolong carik kan rumah ke ... Really need help on transport arrangement, or something important ...

2. Bile Kau Kawen


When my bestfriend mase kat skolah kawen, this is when I asked for her phone number ... Sebab - senang nak call time nak dtg nanti ... Tu pun, sebab die dah post her invitation card kat fb ... Pandai2 la save to phone book  xpayah gedik nak sms ke say hi dah tau org tu bz nak kawen ...

3. Bile Nak Beli Rumah

This is when I called my lawyer friend, tanye pasal nak beli rumah ... Tu pun sebab nak beli rumah second hand, kalau stakat nak beli brand new house ... Letak duit booking jek, pastu settle ... Xpayah nak gedik2 text him all day, when you all ready know he's bz with work & stuff ...

4. Bile Aku Dah Bosan Giler, & Realistically Orang yg di Contact Bole Ajak Lepak

Lets say, aku kat Kerteh ... Bosan giler, pastu aku pegi msg Adam yg MENETAP di Ampang ... Masuk akal ke x ?? Mcm kau dah tau kau kat jb kan, gedix nak msg konon2 caring tanye dah makan ke belum ... Xkluar ke mlm ni, lempang mau ??

Aku memang camni, sometimes kalau ade bf tu ... Aku bole meroyan jap kalau die tanye dah makan ke belom (dgn intonasi yg menyakitkan hati of course) ... Bukan la xbole tanye langsung, tapi tengah hari dah tanye - "you xpegi makan ke" ?? Malam tanye lagi, "kenape belom makan lagi" ??

Cube relate soalan tu dengan sedikit statement yg intelligent kan ...

Contoh:

En. Bf: What you cook for dinner sayang ??
Haku: Hari ni I malas, stress tadi buat report sampai malam ... I makan kat kedai jek ...

Paham ?? Bukan bile aku ckp aku kat office lagi buat report kau get b!+c#y - "Eh, kenape you xbalik lagi ?? Dah mlm ni, bahaye la" !!! Sebab - 1. Xde hubung kait dgn kau pun, walaupun kau bf haku ... Tapi aku drive sendiri kot balik rumah, kecoh lebey ape hal ?? 2. My work is my work, unless kau bagi aku 10k 1bln then I'll shut up & stay home like a good wife ...

Ok, terlebih sudah my rage ni ... Dah towards expectations from a bf, heh ... But get my point x ?? We're not 17 ... Or still in college, nak exchange text every night ... We're independent individual now, who have to go to work in the morning ... & have limited time on our own personal life ...

Unless you're mutually connected, like you're heaven sent best buddies ... Went out to the gym together, or bowling partners ... That's a different story ... Even I didn't text my bestfriend Anis on weekly basis, but we're still best friends ... I only called Suraya when I'm in KL, & we're just cool that way ...

It just letih, nak layan couple years ago old friends ... Yg kept bugging kat fb chat, pastu kalau bz sket ... Trus kene tembak, "Owh, kau skarang dah sombong" ... Tak ke aku meroyan jap di situ ?? Pastu keep saying, "nanti kalau I pegi KL I call" ... Ade kau call ?? HARAM ...

If you wanna talk about how things going, wait for reunion ... Then from reunion, you'll get yourself tagged ... Pastu sementare panas, korang comment2 la kat sane ... & after a few while, you'll go your own sweet way jugak ... Only for those who put extra effort, then you'll stay in contact sebab he's/she's being nice ...

Add ---> Stalk ---> Comment Bile Perlu

That's what fb for, bile kau sebok suruh org like gambar kau hari2 ... Lame2 org naik meluat la, masuk 3kali confirm aku hide hapdet kau ... If you need some help in winning contest ke ape, just drop some simple msg ... Bagitau straight forward ape kau nak, xpayah nak goreng2 tanye skarang kau keje kat mane ?? Dah kawen ke belom ?? Memang aku meroyan di situ ...

Whatever it is, life you life smartly ... In other words - stop making annoying things ... Till then, good night ~

Ugly Truth

laki klu busy mana pu KALAU dia nak reply.. AKAN reply

KALAU dia NAK kau

Ok, thanks a lot ... Walaupun it hurts to know, or accept ... Tapi kene terima jugak, realistic sikit kan ... Sebab dah penat buang mase chasing wrong person, xpayah degil sgt nak 'I still believe he's a good person' ...

conclusionnya. carilah mamt yg stable

tp ammt yg stable slalunya membosankannn

*ammt - he means 'mamat'

Ok, time kasih atas nasihat2 ikhlas anda sekalian ... Saye akan lebih berhati-hati ... Saye akan pegi dating mlm ni, tanpe nak rase b'salah kat sape2 ...

Nanti hapdate lagi ... :D

Pointing Fingers

Manusia ni, akan gune kan semua kelemahan yang ade ... Untuk menjatuhkan satu pihak yang lain ... So bile ade satu ruang, utk mereka2 yg berkenaan point fingers ... Mereka akan gunakan sebaiknya ...

When you're the weakest player, org2 yang more experienced in the game ... Akan manipulate the game, to make you look bad ... So they look efficient & flawless ... Padahal, you know what he put on the table xde la sehebat mane ... Tapi aku ni bukan la manusia yg menindas orang lain, untuk membuatkan diri aku nampak bagus ...

Kalau kau bagus, kau tetap bagus ... Tak perlu nak jatuhkan orang lain ... Sometimes aku akan nampak mcm loser, sebab biar jek org pijak2 aku ... Sebab for me, xde makne nak menang dgn orang2 perangai mcm ni ... Just to make yourself look good, really ??

If making me look bad, feels so good that can entitle you untuk bones 3bln ... Go ahead ... But deep inside, kau pun tau kau xde la sebagus mane ... Really, aku harap kau boleh pegi jauh dengan skill point finger tu ...

Sharing Love

I've remove a post, Staying Strong ... Which I wrote about my ex's friend, who's constantly being rude to me ... Bukan sebab we've broke up ... Tapi sebab gambar die made a big statement ... Since I have a conversation recently ...

Me: I dah break off last week ...

M: Ni bf yg yg mane ni, yg gambar dekat karaoke tu ehhh ??

And another conversation a few weeks earlier ...

Mek: Mu pakai baju ape tu mokcik ... Mcm (ape bende ntah die ckp, aku dah lupe) ...

Tapi her point is, baju ke ... Memang kau xpakai sluar mokcik ?? Heheh, ok ... Gambar itu too much !!! Sebab tu saye remove the post, ok fine ... Tipu la kan kalau I nak ckp xde kene mengena langsung with the break up ... So now it's over, that post mean nothing ... Heheh ...

But I won't remove the post about how we met ke & the datings ... What's done is done la kan, it's just a break up ... Nobody's dying ... Later I'll elaborate more on the break ups ... Sebab post tu akan jadi depressing, so I need to get in the mood ... Right now, xrase mcm nak men'depress'kan diri anytime soon ... Thank you ...

Ade jugak I read someone else's blog, quite femes la ... Follower ramai, that how we define famous in blogger world kan ?? He kept on condemning girls who extremely express their happiness on blog ... Those who post gambar2 romantic dgn bf ... Salah ke ??

I mean, memang salah la ... Kalau belum kawin, posing peluk2 dgn bf ... He was trying to point out that, kalau people judge you social ke hape ... Jangan nak melenting la ... Actually his word is more extreme, I rephrase it in a very polite manner dah tu ...

But that what most girls do kot, trying to share her happiness with the whole world ... & what's wrong with that ... Cume cara masing-masing berbeza ... Ade yg show off gambar visits to relatives place mase raye, & those yg extreme akan post gambar when they're on vacation or something like that ...

So, yg b'gambar peluk2 tu perempuan jahat ?? Yg ambik gambar with her girlfriends, pegi island vacation ... Padahal yg snap the picture tu her bf, itu yang t'baik ?? This is all human's behavior ... Sgt subjective, & I don't wanna go in too deep about it ... Sebab my life is too precious to care that much about what other people want to do ...

I'm one of the girl, yg show off her bf to the whole world ... Sebab for me, that who I am ... I'm not going to pretend to be someone else, just sebab makcik seblah xsuke tgk aku pakai skirt kluar rumah ... But I will put on a proper jeans, so that jiran seblah xpikir yg enga'2 towards my family ...

So, in case for my picture dlm post yg I delete tu ... It's better be removed sebab my close friends sumer bagi -ve feed back ... Utk myself, & those who really care about me ...

I'm not the girl yang made up fairy tales stories, I didn't just tell you guys the happy moments to brag ... But I did share my problems, the down side of my relationship ... Reality lies behind the needs of being in the comfort zone, & things are just not as easy as you imagine ...

Ok, just saying yg dah jadi sangat panjang ... I'll spill more details in the next entry ... Thanks for all the love & support girls, luv u guys ...

Gedix

Just sebab aku letak gambar pakai skirt dlm fb, so aku ni social ... Aite ?? Pempuan2 yg letak gambar ala2 suci + budget korea ... Org puji2, said ade value buat calon bini ... Padahal pempuan tu la yg ex-bf aku peluk dlm club, tapi still org ckp terbaek ??

Sometimes memang rase life ni unfair, kenape pempuan lain ade bf ... Siap pasang, yet her bf still marrying her ... While aku yg setia giler babi, dpt bf mcm shit ... Ok, aku memilih ... Fine, guilty as charged di sana ... Memang aku nak yg ensem jek, heheh ...

I'm not going to change myself, lost the values I've been holding on to since zaman Friendster lagi ... I exposed who I really am, bukan who you expect me to be ... Bukan aku xnak remove gambar aku pakai bikini dlm fb tu, but that's me ... Nak letak gambar pakai baju kurung or tudung so that your friends think kau ni perempuan melayu t'akhir ... That's hypocrite ...

Conclusion - "I wish i can be wit u syg..sabar ya syg.ni smua dugaan dan cabran." ... Bace msg tu balik2, sejuk kan ati ... & yes, ingat2 la Tuhan ... 'Bersyukur dgn nikmat & kelebihan yg Tuhan beri' ... Makin bnyk nikmat & kelebihan tu, makin bnyk la dugaan nyer ...

Have a good week, it's Wednesday already ... Make it a productive week mokcik !!! Heheh ...