I did mentioned about my job offer with a MRT related company recently, the over dramatic title post ... Heh, & I promised I'll share my decision with you guys ... The decision that have made me suffer gastric for a week long, kind of regretting it at the moment ... But somehow I choose to stay positive ...
I turned down the offer, memang ramai yg menyuarakan pendapat secara lantang - "Bodoh, pegi je la" ... But what I'm facing is not as easy as you can see on the surface ... Bnyk bende2 yg saye kene consider ... & most importantly, people that I love are happy ...
To be honest ?? My mum, dad ... Even my boyfriend, masing2 point out the pros & cons if I took the job ... Somehow they'd gave me an indirect message that they actually expecting me to stay ... Mcm, "but if you stay, your house & car interest sumer bole claim" ... And 'But xxx (my current company) bnyk benefit la' ...
Let's not go on & elaborate on that, I took my favorite doctor cum psychiatrist kat Kota Damansara's tu punye advice ... "XXX is a big company, & your still young ... There will be other offers, more promising" ... That's a really good advice actually, I told that to myself all the time to manage the stress ...
I never notice it actually, until I came across this job offer recently ... That actually I'm stressed, my work is stressful ... Bnyk kali sebenarnya, cubaan mewujudkan semangat kekeluargaan dlm office tu gagal ... Event my killer chicken rendang pun tak mampu meng'house-warming'kan my team ...
Mungkin sebab dah terbiase dgn cara kerja kat projek kat Kerteh dulu, atau mungkin saya yg terlalu membandingkan ... So everything seems to be not good enough for me ... Or maybe I'm the one who should get adapted with this new environment ...
But as long as I remember, it is not appropriate for a Project Engineer to say - "Owh, I dunno la ... Bukan I yg jage M&E" - contoh ... Even kerja org lain, you should know at least ... The progress, major problems ... But tu la, as I said ... Maybe I'm the one who should get adapted ... It's a big company, can afford sufficient staff ... So masing2 just focus on your own job scope ...
Maybe that's one of the reasons why I always feel like my teammates are cold to each other ... But then, I can't find one day that i can actually have a nice rest on my leave ... Kalau I didn't show up, 9am somebody will call ... By 10am, if i didn't reach the office ... I'll definitely have the phone call from my boss ...
Bukan la saya nak ckp saya ni bagus sgt, sampai kalau takde 1hari bole terbalik office tu ... My point is, if someone else not around ... I'll definitely give them a hand to make sure nothing get delayed or not complete ... But if I'm not around ?? Mengelabah masing2 call, wanna make sure that I have my part done somehow ...
I was raised this way, thru life ... Thru working experience, that team work is important ... If my other engineer are short one leg, I'll definitely lend her a hand ... Somehow it's impossible to happen to me for a return ... Sebab masing2 buat keje utk lepas kan diri sendiri ...
So, as me ... Someone who came in highly enthusiastic with strong firm on work ethic, will you loose your values just to be fair with others ?? I even say, "gaji same je, tak payah tunjuk rajin lebih" ... But somehow now I have to bear in mind that - if nobody will do the job, then who's gonna get the blame ?? Nak suruh boss buat semua ??
All I can do now, is hold on to those good attitude I've been practicing ... As long as it won't effect my own work and life ... I'll still be around, lending a hand ... Even if I won't got anything in return, for the sake of the team ... To complete the project with a good reputation ... Somehow I have to draw my limit, so that it still fall under helping instead of instructed ...
I have another 3years to deal with all these ... Since I'm both foot in now ... At the moment, trying to enjoy my half day off ... Somehow dah kene call since 10am, reminded about all those work that have to be done ... Dlm hati memang ade perasaan - 'tinggal nak scan & email je, yg tu pun tade org bole tolong ke' ?? So yes, I have to deal with all these craps for the next 3years ...
I was advised to manage the stress, I guess I have to learn how to enjoy my work ... Even with all the pressure, I should manage to get them done without forgetting how to enjoy myself ... Maybe my previous & current approach is not working, so I should try it differently ...
The new year's approaching, it's a good start for a change in whatever you do ...
Till then ~
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