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Friday, March 2, 2012

Another Negative Post

I've tried to find an interesting topic to share, like I've tried a few times nak post that entry on how much I adore AQ ... But rase hipokrit kat diri sendiri if I put that up, sebab it's shaky between us since he left last weekend ... Back to work ...


So, a few people addressed their concerns to me since yesterday ... After what I posted on facebook ... Yes, I admit ... Aku memang emo ... I'm lying if I tell you guys I'm just fine ... I went thru a break up 3weeks ago, & now there's another heart breaking moment that I have to deal with ...

I cried my heart out, hahah ... But only when I'm alone in the car, it's my ego ... Hahah ... I don't cry in public ... & I'm good in hiding my feelings ... But actually, when I think back ... Aku pun tak paham kenape nak nangis, ;p ... I guess it's the emotions clouded since the last heart break, that I left ignored ...

'Her/She' dlm context tersebut bukan la org ketiga like my previous relationship ... It's something I can't tell, only those I trusted jek I bagitau ... But I'm going to explain things in the most proper way I can do, in the same time trying my best utk tidak menyinggung mane2 pihak ...

So, over my conversation dgn P (nama sebenar dirahsiakan) ... I should forgive him, sebab 'her' didn't count ... Because it didn't involve feelings ... Then akan timbul argument, why kene forgive AQ ... But not KA ... As I said in my previous post, KA is a mistake ... & the situation is totally different ...

Then I had this conversation with my mum earlier this morning, she just got back from India on Wednesday ... & guess what ?? Instead of sharing her experiences visiting daddie, she asked - "How's ur abe doing" ?? Giler pissed of aku di situ, that's the 1st question she asked me ... Bukan "Did you went for holiday in these 2weeks" ke, die tanye bf aku sehat ke tak ?? Demn ...

My point is, my mum kind  of telling me ... It's a men's nature ... & I should forgive him ... Tu dah rephrase la, mamak told me in different sentence ... Indirectly ... It's just me actually, I dunno how to forgive him ... I know, I shouldn't compare them ... I can't compare what KA did, dgn AQ ... But why do I have to care about him feeling hurt being compared, while he don't try to understand my feelings when he repeat the same mistake KA did ??

So ... Right now, lets take things slow ... I can't really tell, what I wanna do ... Because honestly I dunno how to handle this ... Yes, I can forgive him ... But tell me how ?? Let's pray, with God's will ... My heart will be lebih tenang, & I can think about this in the whole picture ...

Give it some time, then I'll made up my mind ... Don't worry about me ... Yeah, things are rough for me ... But I have to deal with it, instead of running away ... Enough said, I'll update with you guys when I got the situation resolve ... Pray for me ~

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Reysha Itu Sexy

Actually, I'm tired of negative post ... Sebab been reading my blog generally a few days back, giler last 3post sgt depressive ... Tapi hati ni membare selepas ape yg baru lepas saye discover sebentar tadi ... So never mind la, negative ke ... Positive, this is something I wanted to share ... Citer ni dah basi sebenar nyer, dr last year - end of December ... That's when we had combined event dgn this one government bodies ... Jgn tanye siape ...

Aku takde la kejam mane, nak sampai nak reveal nama ... Masa & tempat kejadian ... Cukup sekadar gambaran individu tersebut, rumusan dari kejadian ... Serta pendapat & pandangan peribadi saye tentang ape yg saye faham dari tindak tanduk dan perlakuan tersebut ... Chewah, aku memang ade bakat jadik lawyer ... Hehe ...

Satu ketika dahulu, aku dihentam oleh salah seorang peserta combined event tersebut ... Quoted: Sakit telinge dgr org mengate aku berpakaian seksi ... Ekoran dr statement tersebut, kitorang gaduh2 over the phone ... Towards me blaming makcik2 government yg tak open minded ... Seriyesly ?? Aku pakai baju kurung pun dorang akan ckp aku pakai seksi2 ...

That's what I mean, knee length skirt + long sleeves shirt ... ++ Cardigan lagi ... Itu sexy ?? Seriously ??

Dalam masa yg same, berite minah pakai sexy2 mase event tersebut tersebar secare menyeluruh kat pusat operasi dorang ... Government kan ?? Paham2 jek la ... Aku tak dpt pasti kan sebenar nyer, sape kah penyebar cerita ... Until, aku pegi stalk sorang mamat ni ... Aku google name die, maka t'jumpe la saye akan carta organisasi office beliau ... Dgn name boss die skali ...

Kantoi di situ, skarang aku tau la sape pakcik yg gigih menyebarkan cerita keseksian itu ...

Bukan pasal he spread the gossip 200km away ... Tapi sebab I honestly admire him ... For the 1st time I was brought pegi meeting when I joint the project, was a meeting pasal CPM ... My heart was pouring for him, sebab pakcik tu mcm hebat giler ... Relaxed, cool ... Somehow came up wif killing question every now & then ... Yeah pakcik, that's how much I adore you ...

Adore & pouring my heart out, is strictly work related - charismatic & ability on delivering the task ... Kalau kau kecoh duduk site 2tahun, tapi aku tanye size culvert pun xbole nak jawap ?? Hahah, sendiri mau ingat la ... Tapi xde la sampai giler kat laki org, those who knows me ... Are well aware that I don't do married man, so does bf org ... KA is a mistake, aku tatau die ade gf ... If only I knew ?? I memang xkacau, sebab aku tak suke org kacau bf aku ...

I'm naturally attracted to a man that good at work, they got this level of confident that differ from those yg tau ckp jek ... But xbole deliver ... Tapi aku pun, entry level je kan ?? So tak yah la nak complaint sgt ... Yes, I'm attracted ... My the attraction is more to admiring & respect, bukan kejar nak buat calon suami ... Hokay ??

Mcm married guys, they have this particular extra attraction (to me la) compared to those single guys ... They're neat, & more relaxed from what I've seen ... Of course, sebab ade yg menjage ... So they're neat ... & maybe because the responsibilities to the family, made them look matured compared to the single guys ... Again, I don't do married guys ... All I have for them is respect ...

Bukan senang for me to grant my respect to an individual, unless die memang betul2 bagus ... Sebab honestly, aku memang judgemental ... :D ... So having someone that I really respect to things that I personally think unnecessary & so not his level to do so, just made me even more judgemental ... Like seriously, if earlier I will say - "Owh, pakcik tu ... Sgt hot, sebab die power giler buat CPM" ... Now there'll be an addition to that story - "Owh, pakcik tu memang hebat pun ... Tapi tu la, gatal" ... Geddit ??

Enough said, individual's behaviour is not something you can change ... No matter what you said ... All I can do, is be aware ... Mcm aku dah tau pakcik tu gatal, so be extra caution being around him ... Jage pemakaian, & watch out my words ... Make sure nothing come out from me yg bole make him use as an excuse ...

Like I always feel it's ok to join the guys' dirty talk every once in a while ... But it might make them simply judge aku ni easy ... So, be extra careful with words when dealing with these kind of guys ... I'm going to stop now ... People's attitude won't change for the world, so it's up to you to make the change that make world a better place ... Till then ~

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