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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Another Weird Dream

Not that weird actually, I saw my so called very recent ex doing his other gf ... Slightly before that he was with me ... So the moment I woke up, bukak insta and saw something about forgiveness ... But I refused, because I think he's being so mean ... Almost cost me another job, cut down all my connections ... My friends, my activities was all in a controlled numbers the moment I start spending time with him ...

So I was looking for a title that will match the situation, A Weird Dream catch my attention ... Really huh ?? Reading it back made me mad at myself ... Just like 2 years ago, I let things interrupt my career ... The exact word - 'Even when I'm barely knew them, then they ended up messing my work' ... And as far as I'm concerned, my work is the only thing I cared about ... Besides my family, and I do keep my job/get a better one to make them happy ...

Boifren ?? That is somebody I toss away in every 6 weeks ... At average, haih ... Often when it happened, I'll play victim ... We broke up on Tuesday, I go chop of my hair on Thursday ... On Friday, I got the urge to buy 'Why Men Marry Bitches' ... The first chapter already upsets me, masuk second chapter I'm already became annoyed ... Motif ?? It describe women mcm powerless, too stupid and only thinks about getting married ...

Every single thing the writer wrote about things girls do wrong, is actually what my ex been doing for the past 6 weeks ... He talks about commitment, he talks about 'my' biological clock ... He even talks about marriage, while I'm just there enjoying my freedom from my previous relationship ... Which traumatized enough, even when it's over its still haunting me ... And darling, that 5th June I mentioned, was figured out before you were considered ... You're just there filling the spot ...

This might sound like a cocky post to boast up my ego, but to me it's just a post to muhasabah diri ... This is what I've been doing since day one, I put myself down to be at their level ... Make them feel even, while I always have more than everyone else ... Yes, maybe I'm not as rich ... But I'm lot better in so many ways ... Education level, family ties ... My family can accommodate me anytime needed ... I live in the heart of damansara, not because my family is rich ... I have a lovely aunt who gave me a room, so I don't have to rent a room in Kampung Baru ...

I got a car which I accidently bought in 2013, at least that what I've been telling people about my imported car all these while ... Truth is ?? The hell bitch, I can freaking afford that ... My loan got approved at 1st try, no guarantor ... So why do I have to low down myself for anybody else's satisfaction ?? You have problem with my achievement ?? You gotta work bitch ... And guys, please go deal with your ego somewhere else ...

I will never put down any of my previous post upon someone else's order, that's my memory ... So its up to me if I wanna put it down, in the case of Amirul Haqim - I left my insta account on his phone ... So I can't argue on the outcome ... For now, if you can't deal with it ... Just walk away ... But I bet this is not you league anyway ... Something might just be lost in translation 😊

As I mentioned in my instagram, 'it doesn't matter how far we can go, knowing you is a blessing' ... It is blessing, now that I can finally stand up for myself ... Eliminates all the negative influences, making my life better for no one but myself ... And I'm just not the type who trash my ex, address them jantan tak guna whatsoever ... If they do me wrong, I learn from that ... If I do them wrong ?? Yeah, it's my bad ?? Hehe ... No regrets, there's nothing to loose ...

So what's the point of saying things out publicly ?? To make myself feel better ?? Not really, I wanna stop being so mean ... It is all my game since day one, as I mentioned earlier - I play victim ... The power is all on me, he's the one needed my attention ... That's why I left him two weeks ago ... Took all my things out ... Because I have all the right to choose ... Then I choose to left him again on Tuesday ... Then I gave him a taste of what my life have been without him on Saturday,  then I crushed him again on Sunday ...

Why ?? I can handle everything well ... I can deal with the fact he's out with the other gf watching movie, and salam cium tangan before I left ... But the other gf ?? I crushed her in less than 2hrs with my public instagram profile ... Because the power is all in my hand, I know how powerful my personality are ... And I know how crazy she went over social media ... For that I'm sorry ... I'm truly sorry, for her ...

I can move on at any time, I can move on on Thursday ... I can be completely move on on Saturday ... But I choose to bully them, I do one thing ... And she follows thru as I planned ... So I'm going to stop now ... Stop being so mean, because my pain is nothing compares to hers ... I can find another him, I can find someone better from him ... Whatever we did was hurtful enough, so I'll end everything here ...

So I blocked them both from seeing my pictures ... I hope it helped her stop the pain ...

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