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Friday, April 20, 2012

Post Surgery

Morning girls, I dunno what's wrong with me ... Tapi saye tersangatlah malas nak updet blog since the last few months ... Kalau hade pun, sebab aku hangin giler ... Tatau nak ckp kat sape, hahah ... So aku membebel kat blog, heh ...

Post ini ditulis dlm posisi duduk yg paling malas, mcm org sakit pinggang ... Dengan sebijik bantal ikea di antara tulang belakang dan kerusi depan laptop ni ... ;p Ok, tade hubung kait ...

So, as few of you may have known ... I just went thru surgery to remove fibroid last Monday ... AlhamduliLlah, dgn a bit complication yg xbape nak a bit sgt la sebenar nyer ... The surgery went well, & saye sedang enak berehat di rumah ... Atas tiket mc sampai pertengahan bulan depan ... Hoyehhh ...

Xpayah nak hoyehhh sgt, recovery itu adalah azab dunia ... Aku yg konon nyer berani sgt nak go thru the surgery atas tiket muda remaja la sgt, siap pegi buat manicure 2hrs before surgery ... Sampai dikritik hebat oleh calon Imam Muda next year yg terbang khas dr Kota Kinabalu, yeahhh ... Abg saye itu, yg mendapat hidayah lepas tgk The Arrival ... Last2 guling jugak atas katil recovery, yes ... Surgery tu tak sakit, lepas surgery itu adalah super sakit ...

My surgery was estimated for 2hours, somehow dragged to 5hours causing by a bit complication itu - which is bleeding ... & turned out they found another small fibroid, so they have to remove both ... Those yg visible mase scan & those they found during surgery ... & they have to cut a small incision, mcm C-section to stop the bleeding ...

The surgery pun started late, sebab doctor ade emergency ... So it started around 2pm, & dlm 7 o'clock baru abes ... Sempat la my brother watch me guling2, sampai die suh bagi pain killer lagi ... Padahal dah tak bole nak bagi any more meds after the 5hrs surgery ...

Xpayah nak buat post ngeri sgt, let me share a few things that I learnt from this experience ...

1. The Importance of Insurance

Saye tade insurance, yes ... Salah saye, tak disiplin membayar ... Padahal aku dah hade the perfect plan to cover this illness dgn AIG, for about rm80 jek per month ... Memang la  maximum dorang kaver 5k jek, tapi saper nak bagi ko 5k tu di kala everything need to be decided on the spot ??

After scan tu, nurse estimated 5-8k for laproscopy ... Ni dah termasuk cost admit, but because of a bit complication tu ... Cost pun melambung2 la mcm ombak menghempas pantai mase musim hujan kat Pantai Barat ... Geddit ?? Meh aku bagi numbers, baru korang paham ...

For the 5hrs operation, the operating theater cost rm1800 ... Same harge dgn anesthetic ntah pape which I understood as the bius thru out the surgery ... Divide rm3600 with 5hrs, instead of thousand five ... There's extra 2k for that 'a bit complication' ... Nasib baik saye ade bapak yg bnyk duit, bole bayar kan my surgery kat my gynea (private) ... Kalau tak ?? Bratur ah, tunggu turn kat government hospital ...

2. Try to Avoid Surgery


Xkesah la, untuk ape tujuan sekali pun ... Surgery is the last option, mcm aku nak branak ... Yeaaa, saye bole branak lagi ... Sebab my fibroid was found mase die kecik lagi, so far my rahim is just fine ... After operation pun, Dr. Jaswant informed me that my eggs are fine ... Abe, mimpi la nak kawen 2 ehhh ... Heheh ...

But yes, kalau bole push normally ... I prefer normal labour, dr surgery ... Right now ?? It's painful when I pee, every time lepas makan nak pegi toilet ... Sebab everything nearby that area is very sensitive ... It feel painful biler makan terlalu bnyk, dgn kate lain - I can't eat till I'm full ... Makan pun kene agak2 ...

Even my mum said, time branak ... Sakit mase tu jek la ... I can walk, but I have to walk slowly ... Right now doctor advice to move around, so xde la ngade2 nak bed rest sgt ... I do walk up & down the stair slowly, but everything kene agak2 sendiri ... How much my body can take ...

Mase kat recovery, tak payah ckp ... Nak duduk pun azab ... 2days kat ward, I'm having difficulty nak lift up my legs whenever nak lay down lepas pegi toilet & stuff ... But right now after discharged ni, I feel better la ... I gain power to control my legs, cume part nak bangun ... Dr position baring to sitting, & sitting to standing itu sakit ...

3. Period Cycle Itu Important

Bukan period cycle je la, take a good care of your health ... Orang ckp suntikan hpv tu menggalak kan sex kan ?? Kalau dah ade ketumbuhan, sampai kene go thru surgery ?? Still nak ckp suntikan hpv tu tak bagus, menggalakkan life style tak sihat ??

Bnyk jek health screen, mahupun utk ladies yg blom kawen ... They do provide breast scan to detect cancer & stuff ... In my case, sebab my period cycle xstable & sakit pinggang kronik during menstrual ... So they scan my womb, just like they scan ibu2 mengandung ...

& do go to see the specialist, sebab doctor clinic2 biase ni sometimes ntah pape ... Same ah kes mcm my eczema yg the family clinic doctors ckp fungus, padahal eczema ... & this time around, doctor ckp I stress ... Sebab tu my period cycle tak regular ... Padahal ??

Ok, dah penat ... Heheh ... Enuf with that ... I'll update more on my recovery later, if things went well next week ... I guess everything will be smooth for me these few weeks, insyaAllah ... Till then, take care ~

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Things About Me: Part V - Reality Check

Dah lame tak buat post muhasabah diri sendiri, been fooling around with my feelings for the past 2months ... Mostly adalah post gedix ala2 mintak penampar ... Dgn kate lain, entry double meaning nak tembak individu2 tertentu ... Sigh, sungguh mean girl diri ini ...

Being me, I always know sebenar nyer ... That I left my heart caught up somewhere, it's just a matter of time ... That I decided to wake up, & move on with my life ... Mcm perangai guling2 atas katil di waktu pagi, kul 6 dah bangun dah ... Tapi nak guling dulu, berangan jap ... Baru nak mandi, heh ... Itu contoh termudah ... ;p

So last 2months, I left my heart under the single bed dlm bilik tu ... Di celah2 bed frame yg ranap, sebab ntah sape pegi install bende alah tu secare songsang ... Secare logic nyer, camne katil tu nak handle the load ... Biler the 3pieces strut tu yg digunakan sebagai main beam, while the other 7pieces tu hanging freely ... Bijak !!!

Citer die, pagi tadi saye kemas la bilik kucing branak  tu ... Actually, kucing tu tak branak kat situ ... Die pindah masuk jap selepas dihalau keluar oleh pemilik bilik seblah tanpa tempat berteduh kat living area tingkat atas, sebelum mak bagi dorang hak milik kekal toilet kat bawah itu ... Heh, pandai aku divert cerita ...

So, I found back my heart this morning ... Itu care penceritaan dramatic seperti selalu la, sebab saye suke impact dramatic itu ... Heh ... Secare ringkas nyer - a simple new routine (kemas bilik pagi2), had given me the wake up call that I needed since the last 2months ... Yeah, that's me ... Aku memang malas berpikir, or dengan kate lain ... I prefer ignoring my feelings, rather than discussing it ... Even with myself, wadde F kan ??

I take things for granted these 2months ... I keep blaming AQ, I complaint he's not organized enough ... I blame him for staying around without intention to commit ... I blame him for everything ... Like always, I play victim ... But it's actually me, I'm the one who's not ready ...

I'm not ready to let KA go when it happened, & until this moment ... I didn't find a place in my heart to forgive KA ... Reason ?? Clear as a glass - I don't even seek for that forgiveness ... Remember how I managed to be strong without any man during my break up last July ?? I was single for 4months, then I found KA & feel blessed to have a man to share my ups & downs ...

Why ?? Sebab hati ni ikhlas, tak kesah la hati KA ikhlas ke tak kan ... Janji I did the right thing ... I forgive that person who broke my heart into pieces, from the very most bottom part of it ... That's how I managed to be happy, that's when I can be comfortable being single ... & that's how I felt so hard when someone offer me his heart ...

For the other party tu mintak maap, adalah tak perlu ... Sebab hati yang nak memaafkan & melupakan kan tu, ada dlm diri sendiri ... So, I'll go back to be who I was last Ramadhan ... I love who I am back then, more than who I am now ... :( Tenang, & definitely living a better life ...

So that's step one - forgiveness ... 2months ago, I jumped into the 2nd step ... Which letting AQ in ... While I should find that forgiveness in the 1st place, then I can start fresh ... Open arms & open heart, then baru I can give AQ the oppurtunity he deserve ... That's why I was so angry for the past 2months ... Everything is not good enough for me, nothing suits my needs ...

So this is it, 2months later ... Will it be too late for me to fix thing ?? I think so ... Sebab if it was for me, confirm aku dah carik bf lain ... Honestly ?? 2days with less attention already made me motivate myself to stay stronger, & I can find a better man ...

At the moment, I've already appeal rayuan to AQ ... Bukan rayuan la, more like a short term plan for us for the mean time ... Things didn't look good at the moment, but at least I tried ... Whatever will happened after this, akan saye conclude kan dlm Things About Me Part Six ... Yang ntah biler akan terhasil itu ...

For now, I should try to be that person who live a happy life since she hold no grudge upon nobody & her life is so much better sebab she have less important things to care ... Bukan nyer be mad sebab kene baling almari, or wish mamat yang ask her to marry him before he go to bed & pegi tengok Ombak Rindu kat Mesra Mall dgn perempuan lain in the morning tu mendapat pembalasan setimpal ...

I used to say, "I don't do revenge, that's in God's hand" ... Yes, for me to go serang pempuan lagi satu tu ... Adalah mustahil, far below my standard ... But, dlm hati ?? If he got dumped & perempuan tu kawen dgn jantan lain, comfirm aku lompat suker ??

So let it be, & I'll keep praying that one fine day ... I'll find a space in my heart to forgive all those who needed the forgiveness ... With, or without them to apologize ... It's not for them pun, it's for my own ketenangan & happiness ...

Ps: mase entry ni ditulis, aku tgh pujuk AQ ...
Updet: I've moved on with AK, I'm dating & happy ...

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