Another Weird Dream

Not that weird actually, I saw my so called very recent ex doing his other gf ... Slightly before that he was with me ... So the moment I woke up, bukak insta and saw something about forgiveness ... But I refused, because I think he's being so mean ... Almost cost me another job, cut down all my connections ... My friends, my activities was all in a controlled numbers the moment I start spending time with him ...

So I was looking for a title that will match the situation, A Weird Dream catch my attention ... Really huh ?? Reading it back made me mad at myself ... Just like 2 years ago, I let things interrupt my career ... The exact word - 'Even when I'm barely knew them, then they ended up messing my work' ... And as far as I'm concerned, my work is the only thing I cared about ... Besides my family, and I do keep my job/get a better one to make them happy ...

Boifren ?? That is somebody I toss away in every 6 weeks ... At average, haih ... Often when it happened, I'll play victim ... We broke up on Tuesday, I go chop of my hair on Thursday ... On Friday, I got the urge to buy 'Why Men Marry Bitches' ... The first chapter already upsets me, masuk second chapter I'm already became annoyed ... Motif ?? It describe women mcm powerless, too stupid and only thinks about getting married ...

Every single thing the writer wrote about things girls do wrong, is actually what my ex been doing for the past 6 weeks ... He talks about commitment, he talks about 'my' biological clock ... He even talks about marriage, while I'm just there enjoying my freedom from my previous relationship ... Which traumatized enough, even when it's over its still haunting me ... And darling, that 5th June I mentioned, was figured out before you were considered ... You're just there filling the spot ...

This might sound like a cocky post to boast up my ego, but to me it's just a post to muhasabah diri ... This is what I've been doing since day one, I put myself down to be at their level ... Make them feel even, while I always have more than everyone else ... Yes, maybe I'm not as rich ... But I'm lot better in so many ways ... Education level, family ties ... My family can accommodate me anytime needed ... I live in the heart of damansara, not because my family is rich ... I have a lovely aunt who gave me a room, so I don't have to rent a room in Kampung Baru ...

I got a car which I accidently bought in 2013, at least that what I've been telling people about my imported car all these while ... Truth is ?? The hell bitch, I can freaking afford that ... My loan got approved at 1st try, no guarantor ... So why do I have to low down myself for anybody else's satisfaction ?? You have problem with my achievement ?? You gotta work bitch ... And guys, please go deal with your ego somewhere else ...

I will never put down any of my previous post upon someone else's order, that's my memory ... So its up to me if I wanna put it down, in the case of Amirul Haqim - I left my insta account on his phone ... So I can't argue on the outcome ... For now, if you can't deal with it ... Just walk away ... But I bet this is not you league anyway ... Something might just be lost in translation 😊

As I mentioned in my instagram, 'it doesn't matter how far we can go, knowing you is a blessing' ... It is blessing, now that I can finally stand up for myself ... Eliminates all the negative influences, making my life better for no one but myself ... And I'm just not the type who trash my ex, address them jantan tak guna whatsoever ... If they do me wrong, I learn from that ... If I do them wrong ?? Yeah, it's my bad ?? Hehe ... No regrets, there's nothing to loose ...

So what's the point of saying things out publicly ?? To make myself feel better ?? Not really, I wanna stop being so mean ... It is all my game since day one, as I mentioned earlier - I play victim ... The power is all on me, he's the one needed my attention ... That's why I left him two weeks ago ... Took all my things out ... Because I have all the right to choose ... Then I choose to left him again on Tuesday ... Then I gave him a taste of what my life have been without him on Saturday,  then I crushed him again on Sunday ...

Why ?? I can handle everything well ... I can deal with the fact he's out with the other gf watching movie, and salam cium tangan before I left ... But the other gf ?? I crushed her in less than 2hrs with my public instagram profile ... Because the power is all in my hand, I know how powerful my personality are ... And I know how crazy she went over social media ... For that I'm sorry ... I'm truly sorry, for her ...

I can move on at any time, I can move on on Thursday ... I can be completely move on on Saturday ... But I choose to bully them, I do one thing ... And she follows thru as I planned ... So I'm going to stop now ... Stop being so mean, because my pain is nothing compares to hers ... I can find another him, I can find someone better from him ... Whatever we did was hurtful enough, so I'll end everything here ...

So I blocked them both from seeing my pictures ... I hope it helped her stop the pain ...

Camne Saya Tau Biler Ade Orang Stalk Saya

Warning - post ini adalah entry ala2 gedik, tapi sebenarnye directly utk org yg tak habes2 nak stalk aku ... Tak bagus utk ibu2 mengandung, especially yg baru kawen & mencube2 nak dpt anak tapi menyebok nak ambek tau hal org lain aku ... Duduk la rumah diam2 jage laki kau yeaaa ... Bukan ape, kot nanti terkenan muke aku kan ... Nanti kau jugak yg meroyan sorang2 ...

First of all, tengs sebab bagi aku feeling artist jap ... Femes mak nokkk, kau google ari2 ... Aku plak perasan lebey ?? Ke kau yg 'kurang pandai' ?? Ape2 pun kau buat dlm dunia ni, do it smartly la ... Jan memalukan diri sendiri ...

Meaning, jadik blogger (blogger ke ??) bukan bodoh nak kutuk kau gitu jek kalau aku xde proof ... Sebab aku memang feeling artist lebey kan, so aku tau la bile org dok google Reysha Mokhtar tu kluar ape ... Kau akan sampai kat welcoming note aku yg berabad tu, so aku tau la ade la yg gatai tangan pegi google name haku ...

So, insyaAllah lepas ni ... Kau google name haku lagi, ni la yg kau dpt ... Tak payah sebok nak tau aku kluar dgn jantan mane, aku pegi Sabah 18x ke ... Aku tak mintak duit laki kau ... OR, kalau kau risau sgt pasal aku, ade baik nye kau pegi la jage member/boipren kau tu ...

Kalau kau yakin die sayang giler kat kau, If you believe you guys are made for each other, kesetiaan tak berbelah bagi kannn ?? Then trust la boipren kesayangan kau tu ... Apsal nak check on me pulak kan ?? Hahah, pandai pakai pandai simpan la akak ehhh ...

Korang ni buang mase aku jek ~

Why I Hate Stalkers

Aku paling pantang, kalau aku tak usik org ... Pastu kau nak kacau aku lagi ... It's over, I get over it ... He's totally over it, why can't you ??

One of the problem in blogging, is stalkers ... There's 2 types of stalkers, a good stalkers & the envy stalkers ...
Good stalkers ni, normally are pure readers ... Yg found your blog while googling/searching for information, & felt in love with you blog ... They're definitely nice la, tak kacau org ...

While envy stalkers ni, is those normally who know you ... Might be a close friend (but they's actually just pretend to be friends), or a friend to a friend ... Or else, org yg memang dengki, busuk hati - org tak kenal pun nak main hentam jek kan ... Kalau kau bagus, buat jek la blog sendiri kan ...

I wanna talk about a friend to a friend, aku tak tau la ape yg kau nak emo sgt dgn aku ... Aku tak kenal kau, & you're obviously a twisted bitch - I figure that when they said you've already invited everybody to your wedding, somehow I didn't hear the announcement ?? The announcement was made when I'm away for a while, so I figure  - she don't want me to come ... This is just my judgement la, kau ni shady ...

Ok fine, we're not even friends ... Aku, dgn member kau dah broke up for months now ... Dr kau t'lompat2 clubbing dgn tunang kau (lets not mention you're using my connection), sampai kau dah kawin skarang ... Ade aku kacau kau ke ?? Aku 'pretend' to be nice, ambek barang aku kat rumah kau ... Then aku declare we broke up, tu pun just once ?? Lepas tu aku xpenah nak contact kau, or jantan kau ... Or jantan member kau, & aku xde pulak t'gedik2 mintak kene invite to ur wedding walaupun aku bole just send a msg kat kau ... Kau nak ape dowh ??

Aku kalau nak kutuk kau, melambak aku bole kutuk ... Your over did green wedding, your 'best friend' pun didn't attend your wedding ... Tapi aku tak penah kutuk kau kot ... The post about your friend yg obviously tak puas hati dgn aku tu, & condemn aku every single time we met - I've removed it the moment we broke up ...

Biler org kacau laki kau, kau pandai pulak meroyan kat fb kan ?? Kau kacau org kau tak pk ?? Kalau korang tak reti nak respect/layan org nicely, kenape nak harap org lain treat korang that way pulak ?? This is life, what goes around comes around ... & always remember karma is a bitch ... One day bile kene kat batang hidung sendiri, ingat2 sikit ape kau buat kat org ... Jangan nak menyesal & blame org lain pulak ... All the best to you guys ...

Aku dah block 1keturunan, puas hati aku ...

Dear Stalker

This is funneh, getting funnier as the drama developed ... Hahah, it's not my intention to expand the drama pun ... But this girl, I dunno la ... She just love me so much kot ?? Hahah, seems to me that she can't live her life without my attention ... She's loving this I guess, my response on her behavior ...

Remember this post a few days back ?? Heheh, it doesn't matter dear ... If you're less attractive, when you got the right attitude ... People love you no matter what ... I ade jek kawan yg less attractive, a good friend of mine mase kat UiTM ... A very good friend ...

We had lunch together, dinner ... Go shopping ... What make her amazing ?? Not a single second she falls under my shadow ... Standing next to me, doesn't make her any less of the person she is ... Dean list student ... She's a successful designer now, in one of the top international consulting firm in the country ...

You got what I mean ?? Muke cantek xmenjamin ape2 ... & less attractive won't make you any less than a human ... Tapi kalau dah la tak cantek, perangai pun teruk ... Ape aku nak cakap lagi ??

Because this is exactly for her, I have to write it in Malay ... The rest you guys figure out yourself ...

Penah tak terpikir, kenape MK sampai skarang xbole nak move on ?? Kenapa die xpenah ade perempuan lain, walaupun kitorang dah break lebih kurang tujuh bulan skarang ?? Penah tak pikir, dlm bnyk2 perempuan dalam hidup die ... Aku jek yg die bawak balik kampung ... Well, my job kat sini is one of the reason of course ... Ain yg die bangge2 kan mcm adik die tu, Linda best friend die kot ??

Nak kate perangai, kitorang same jek lebih kurang ... Ape Linda dgn Ain buat, aku buat jugak ... Terlompat2 nak kluar mlm, baju mcm tak cukup kain ... Tapi kenape MK still layan aku dengan baik ?? Kenape dah 7 bulan pun, die masih nak contact & share masalah die dgn aku ??

Cube la, bersih2 kan hati tu ... Brenti la, dengki kat aku ... Berat kot, tuduhan yang kau buat tu ... Walaupun kau tengok aku mcm ni, tapi selame aku dgn MK, aku xpenah kluar dgn jantan lain ... Maybe tu salah satu sebab die always carik aku balik ... But who knows kan ??

Kau nak hidup dlm dunia fantasi kau tu, aku xpenah sentuh pun ... Ape kau post kat status MK, aku xpenah usik ... Kenape skarang, kau nak kacau aku lagi ... Upload gambar yg dah berbulan2 tu ?? Pastu kau nak ckp aku yg tergugat ?? Kau biar betul ??

Aku tergugat sebab ?? Kau kapel dgn MK ?? Really ?? Tergugat sebab MK layan kau lebey ?? Layan ke ?? Pikir sendiri la, tak perlu aku nak bagitau semua kat sini ... Cukup la, jangan malu kan diri sendiri ...

Aku dah ckp - I'm not even competing ... Ayat itu bermaksud, aku xnak bersaing pun ... Aku nak jadik saingan kau utk ape, rebut MK ?? Aku xnak pun, kau ambek jek la ... & aku bole janji dgn kau, aku xkan balik kat die lagi ... Ok darling ?? (muntah)

Enough yeaaa, jangan kacau saye lagi ... Bole ?? Saye tak kacau awak pun, saye delete GAMBAR SAYE yg AWAK UPLOAD jek ... Cube pikir logical statement tu, but on second thought ... Mcm artis dah aku ni, org nak upload gambar scandal pulak nok !!! Hahah ...

Whatever it is, NI ... Aku doa kan pintu hati MK terbuke utk kau, kalau kau percaye die memang jodoh kau ... Mesti kau akan berusaha utk pasti kan hati die utk kau sorang, & insyaAllah die akan lupe kan aku ... Kau buat la smayang hajat bnyk2 utk korang berdua, dr kau sebok harap/ungkit bende yg bukan2 pasal aku ...

I'm not that same person who I was 6months ago ... Aku xkan ngamuk2 kat kau mcm dulu, sebab MK tu bukan bf aku pun ... So, please ... Please, please ... Delete jek la gambar tu, xpayah la nak simpan2 utk mengaibkan aku lagi di masa hadapan ... Please stop, tu jek yg aku mintak ...

Kau nak ckp aku tergugat, perangai aku tak senonoh ke ... Whatever you opinion is, go ahead ... It's a free country ... Dah la, buang mase jek ... Kalau kau tak paham, kau google translate la ...

K-thanks-bye xx

Ps: Kau tau stat aku bulan March hari tu sampai 1k ?? Hahah, skarang baru aku tau kenape ...

Untitled

Do you ever feel like someone's talking bad about you, judging you when they don't ever met you ... Somehow have a strong opinion of what type of person you are, base on their perception ... & no matter what you do, you can't change the way they think of you ... & it's just not worth it to stand up to those kind of people ... Since you're never really connected anyway ...

I'm that person, who often got misunderstood by my appearance ... I have this cold face towards someone I barely know, & I have no intention of getting rid of that ... Since that was me defense mechanism towards something I can't trust - like someone you just met ...

Seriously, I don't do that purposely so I can give them something to talk about ... It's just me, I'm not quite open to those I'm not comfortable with ... & I don't live to please others ... But I'm human as well, sometimes ... Or maybe each & every single time, it hurts when people judge ... It depends rather you care, or you don't & just move on ...

People said, "Xpe la, muke cantek ... Senang je" ... The truth is, it's not easy ... When you have a lot of talents, you collect pile of enemies as well ... Lets not address them as an enemy, they're envy ... Bukan senang to say, "I'm happy for you" when you really mean it ... Put yourself in your friend's shoes, do you really think they're really happy for you ?? I rather not say that, I'll came up with some other phrases if it didn't came from my heart ...

I was a different person back then, aku suke menyerang - voice out my opinion ... In an offensive way of course, aku suke humiliate person that messed with me in my blog ... But I promised myself that I won't do that again, since I have no idea who's my silent readers are ... Of course I wrote it to send a message to some particular individuals, but the whole world can read it ... It's just not right to do so ...

I see that as an appropriate & wiser step in making my writing inspirational & benefit others ... So, from previous drama ... Which I already wish it ended, it does ... Somehow, they still find ways to get my attention ... & here we go again ... My relationship ended up in March, can you imagine how long was that ?? It's been more than 6months now ... Why can't everybody just get over it ??

Nothing they do that really makes me care actually, until ... Someone uploaded our picture back in January ... I deserve to be mad over that, it's simply over the limit ... I even have that album deleted when I started a new relationship in June ... Memang la there's no harm since I'm single, but that's just too much ...

I'm not that mad to go scream at her, enough with a simple step of damage control - delete that picture & pretend like nothing happened ... Apart of me, tired of the drama actually ...

Honestly, I pity her ... I do go thru that phase at some point in my relationship ... That was when I was with Muiz, it's just me alone in the relationship ... But I'm going to say I'm hundred times luckier, sebab Muiz is actually existed ... His attention is there, just I can't have his heart ...

Of course, I'm jealous ... Tgk org lain declared themselves in a relationship, & they're happy with each other ... While I can't have that with Muiz, because he's not on Facebook ... But managing 'the boyfriend's' Facebook account ?? Update status sorang, like sorang2 ... Seriously ?? Kesian tau ... Actually I don't really care, but when you uploaded that picture of us ... That's my privacy you're messing with ...

I don't know what she's thinking, if she thinks I'm a competition ... That's rubbish because I'm not even competing ... & if you think by humiliating me will make you a better person, I suggest you think again ...

Actually the inner side of me still think it's that less attractive girl from previous drama yg made these up ... I do think she purposely create the chat log with herself, because she knows someone would have read it ... Even saying it made me feel bad, but I'm not going to elaborate on that ...

It's just made me think, no matter what happened ... I'm still lucky ... With all these mess in my life, I still manage to find way to be happy ... Around people who really loves me, instead of hoping for someone to love you ...

Don't worry about me, I'm starting to get comfortable being single now ... Till then, take care guys ...

~Lots of Luv~