Best Man's Outfit

Yang base tu, for the best man ... Yg b'kilat2 tu my dress ...

I just got back from Terengganu, then I figured ... Kene settle kan baju utk pengapit lelaki, sebab wedding in exactly 5weeks !!! Ecehhh, mcm aku pulak yg kawen !!! Hahahahahhaah ... I'm the bride's maid, that's my job ... Tolong ape yg patut ...

Baju pengapit lelaki xsettle lagi, sebab 1st candidate bailed out ... & rase nak lempang, sebab care decline the job tu mcm bikin panas ... Find reason supaye xbole attend kot ?? Kalau xnak, ckp jek la xbole since we open the suggestion kan ...

So, lucky for us ... The new best man ade in house tailor at work, so I just have to find the materials ... & passed it to him ... Tapi danak raye ni, takut xsempat ... Dgn org sebok nak balik kampung in few weeks time kan ... Hopefully, thing will work out just fine ...

Niat di hati, nak tgk2 jek kat Kajang dulu ... Kalau xpuas hati, nak pegi Jln TAR lagi esok ... Tapi standard ah, t'over excited jumpe crepe ... & t'pesona dgn SA yg baik, heheh ...

Mule2 I went up to Euro Moda, Metro Point ... Masuk2, SA die buat bodoh ... The 1st person approached me, tgh sapu sampah when I walk in ... She did show me some shiny2, ala2 crepe (dah lupe what type, sebab tgk bnyk sgt tadi) ... Tapi sgt mahal kot, rm132 /m ... Sgt suke, tapi sgt mahal ... Lupekan ...

So sementare tunggu respond from the bride & best man, t'ingat nak pegi MayaSilk kat sblh CIMB tu ... So I went there, walaupun sebok layan ade 1family tu test baju raye ... They still have time to entertain me, heheh ... Suke !!!

SA tu kluar kan segale jenis kain possible for baju melayu, dr satin yg b'kilat barat ... Sampai segale jenis cotton ... Then she adviced to take the crepe ... Sebab xpanas, & cantik ... I love it the most, sebab xsexy ... Hahah, risau sebab it's pastel ... Takut bole see thru, ;p ... Dengan sinaran cahaye yg xcukup, I agreed ... Skali sampai rumah, kaler lari sikit ... Heheh ...

Xpe la kan, pengapit jek kot ... Lebih pulak kau, xpayah la nak matching sgt kan ...

Heheh, xpayah la nak progress2 sgt ... Nanti dah siap baru post the picture ... Kalau xsiap, that's a different story ... Heheheheheheheheh ...

Good night everyone ...

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Relationship in My Shoes

Gambar nak market, xbole blah ... Hahah ...

I'm such a loser in relationship, but I love to talk about it ... I guess, I just want people to understand ... My opinion, & the reason behind every move I made in my relationship ...

There's a few opinion, about me when I'm in a relationship ... & currently, I receive tonnes of advises ... Either about to hang on there, or move on ... From people I respected, you should know ... That I'm one hell of a stone headed, I didn't really took advice from people ... Normally only from those who really impress me, & it's not easy to impress me ...

So, 2 of good friends of mine ... One is married, & another one getting married in few weeks time ... So, they're people I respected ... People I admire, who inspire me in so many ways ... & a few other colleagues who mostly are older than me ...

So here are some comments, that got stuck in my head ... Upon my recent relationship ...

Opinion A1: Your action didn't look like you meant those things you said ...

Opinion A2: When you started a relationship, you gave in 120% ... But when something went wrong, you just gave up ...

Case of Study: Mase mule2 dating, memang lovey dovey la ... Pastu after a few months, when he touches my hair ... I said, "I feel retarded" ...

Defense: Hahah, malas nak defense !!! Guilty as charge !!!

The Truth is: Sometimes, there's a few things that I can't forget ... Like a mistake he made, that remains in my mind ... Because we left things unsaid ... So instead of solving the problem, I just ignore it ... At some point my heart jadi tepu, lali dgn segale mistakes ... Nanti I elaborate more on Opinion C.

Opinion B: When you said, you prefer shoes that look good ... & don't mind to suffer, wearing a size smaller ... That's reflect who you are in your relationship, you'll bare the pain to look good ...

Case of Study: I just stay, sampai kene dump ...

Defense: Xreti nak defense ...

The Truth is: I guess, I'm so afraid of being alone ... I just stay as far as I can, & put my future in other people's hand ...

Opinion C: You kept everything to yourself, bare all the pain ... Until you find a mistake, & use all the other mistakes as a weapon ...

Case of Study: Bape kali dah my ex tu xjawap phone, a few times jugak la jadik mcm tu ... To that extend I said, "When I asked, you'll said - Smalam balik keje lambat, pastu sampai rumah terus tido ... So I malas nak tanye, because I know the answer" ...

Defense: It look like I didn't care is it ?? I just don't want to be the crazy girlfriend ...

The Truth is: Sometimes I do feel bad, for not trusting my bf ... I shouldn't hav any doubts, I should trust my bf unconditionally ... Sometimes I malas nak tanye, sebab I know the answers will hurt me ... So I left things unsaid ...

But there's a limit la, xbole jugak percaye membute tuli sampai being foolish kan ... I think, women memang ade that instinct ... You just know, when things started to go wrong ... It's up to you to admit it, & translate that instinct into action ...

Opinion D1: Mokcik, dah ade bf molek ni ... Mu jangan buat hal pulak ...

Opinion D2: You don't mind your partner making mistakes, because you're doing the same mistake ...

Case of Study: Aku mengamuk my ex pegi clubbing dgn his ex, I said - "I nak kluar dgn lelaki ensem, I wanna hurt you" ...

Defense: I think I'm being loyal enough, I think telling my bf about going out with another guy is not cheating ...

The Truth is: I should never let it happened, I shouldn't be seeing another guy ... When I declared myself in a relationship ... Maybe sebab I'm open, I clearly feel nothing for the another guy ... So I declare it as 'professional' hangouts, but deep down ... I know those guys are hitting on me, & I kept letting them in ...

When there's a problem in my relationship, normally I don't give up just like that ... Biase nye saye akan bnyk b'sabar, & memberi peluang ... & kebiasaan nye, peluang2 tersebut akan d taken for granted ... Again, & over again ... Sebab it seems like I don't care ...

Normally when I started a relationship, I'll forget everything about his past ... No matter how terrible he'd been ... As long as, you didn't repeat the same mistake ... These leads me to the next session of Pn. Wani's motivasi ... Appreciating yourself ...

~ Love yourself, before you love someone else ...

~ Don't hurt yourself, for a person who mean nothing ...

But I can't, love myself too much ... Before I love someone else, that's the reason why my friends love me ... Because I really, prioritized others ... Before my needs ... I feel selfish, making other people miserable for myself ...

Mcm bile I went back to Kerteh, arrival around 4am in the morning ... & t'tinggal kunci kat Bangi, I didn't rang my housemate ... I took the trouble mengait kunci spare dari celahan grill pakai penyapu ... Nasib baik ade penyapu, kalau xmemang saye akan tunggu die kluar pegi keje baru masuk rumah ...

Maybe, it look like even I don't appreciate myself for letting myself being used ... But that's who I am, it's too bad for those who can't see that ... & taking me for granted for my kindness ...

I'm not going to change, go against my principle ... All I can promise, is to be more careful ... Make sure I won't get hurt again in future ... Because so far, being kind still do me justice ... I got invited again & again to parties, & have amazing people around me every now & then ...

Sorry this post jadi mcm nak menghentam my ex, but that's the most recent ... The easiest example ... & I got my ears menanah from Subang <---> Kepong, kene ceramah dgn Pn. Wani pasal ni ... I'm almost there, reaching serenity to forgive him ...

Esok dah thursday, jom balik !!! Muahxxx !!!

Pointing Fingers

Manusia ni, akan gune kan semua kelemahan yang ade ... Untuk menjatuhkan satu pihak yang lain ... So bile ade satu ruang, utk mereka2 yg berkenaan point fingers ... Mereka akan gunakan sebaiknya ...

When you're the weakest player, org2 yang more experienced in the game ... Akan manipulate the game, to make you look bad ... So they look efficient & flawless ... Padahal, you know what he put on the table xde la sehebat mane ... Tapi aku ni bukan la manusia yg menindas orang lain, untuk membuatkan diri aku nampak bagus ...

Kalau kau bagus, kau tetap bagus ... Tak perlu nak jatuhkan orang lain ... Sometimes aku akan nampak mcm loser, sebab biar jek org pijak2 aku ... Sebab for me, xde makne nak menang dgn orang2 perangai mcm ni ... Just to make yourself look good, really ??

If making me look bad, feels so good that can entitle you untuk bones 3bln ... Go ahead ... But deep inside, kau pun tau kau xde la sebagus mane ... Really, aku harap kau boleh pegi jauh dengan skill point finger tu ...

Weird Dreams

Baru jap tadi, google diri sendiri ... & orang2 t'tentu ... Hahah, hasil carian google saya masih suci ... Mostly gambar2 decent, hahah ... & I'm quite google friendly jugak rupe nye, sebab org lain punye search lagi merepek2 ... Hahah ...

Bukan itu matlamat post ini, ;p ... I had a weird dream, for 2nights in a row now ... Of course you remember your dream clearly bln2 puase ni, sebab org tua2 ckp ... Mimpi tu mainan syaitan ... So bulan2 puase ni xde setan, so suspen la kan ... Nak tau ape makne di sebalik mimpi tu, yg konon2 nya tidak dipengaruhi anasir2 jahat ...

Mimpi tu, dua2 xde kene mengena ... But I know well both person from my dreams ... Bukan setakat figure, & agak2 sape kah itu ... I remember the details which particularly referring to the 2 persons ...

Mimpi 1: Aku mimpi pegi honeymoon dgn laki orang okeh ?? Siap pegang tangan tepi pantai ... Hish, selisih !!!

Mimpi 2: Seseorang memberikan saye tarikh, melalui text blackBerry ... Tidak dapat dipastikan tarikh utk ape ... Tapi jelas sape yg hantar, & tarikh nyer ...

Sape, sape ?? Biar la saye sorang jek yg tau ... Tapi mcm xlogic pun yea jugak, sebab that person dlm mimpi 2 tu xde blackBerry ... Hahahahahaahhahahah, mimpi jek la mokcik !!!

Hmm, it's not like I really wanted to know what the dreams mean ... Tapi mcm geli, nak simpan sorang2 ... Especially Mimpi 1 tu, yaiksss ... & Mimpi 2, hahah ... Nampak sgt aku ni gatal ... Hahahahahahahah ...

Post ni utk hiburan semate2, xde kene mengena dgn samada yg hidup ... Mahupun yg telah meninggal dunia ... :D

The Break Up

Hahah, xtau la ini post break up yang ke berapa ... Biase nye dlm draft jek, xsempat nak publish ... From the moment I broke up, sampai the next bf ... Xsiap2, hahah ... Bile dah ade new bf, mcm xperlu la kan ... Nak post about the break up ... So better I get it done sementare masih panas ...

I broke up about 2weeks ago, tomorrow will be exactly 2weeks ... & I'm doing just fine ... Last week I was surround by my families, & a friend of mine spent her weekend in KL recently ... So we're busy shopping, heheh ...

Ok, enough diverting ... Heheh ... The 1st week, I'm doing just fine ... I'm practicing silent therapy for myself ... & it works, for me it is ... Heheh, I can drive back from Kerteh ... Without thinking, 'Fariz busy tak mlm ni, sempat tak jumpe' ?? Or, calling him every now & then ... Then he won't gave any confirmed deal, dah sampai Gombak baru he'll say - "You balik la dulu, I banyak keje ni" ...

That's how our relationship works actually ... He never confirm anything, sampai kene force ... Baru nak make a move ... But what I found out last weekend, shockingly surprising ... Hahah, how can I make it more dramatic ?? It is, very dramatic ... But lemme explain on the break up chronology, so the post didn't get all over the place ...

16th June - He ignored my sms/call the whole night ... When I'm around, he ignored all others' sms & calls ... So what you expect me to expect ??

17th June - Called him, tgh hari baru he responded ... Said, "I xsedap hati" ... But I didn't confront him right away ... Then I send him a text, 'I rase you curang' ... Then he spilled, he went out clubbing dgn his ex ...

22nd June - We still went out together ... This is when I figured, sumer org tgk I mcm kesian ... & he left pictures of him hugging another girl in his phone ... When he knows I check his phone all the time ...

26th June - He kept avoiding to talk about it, but I said "I tak nak carik gaduh, I just nak bende ni settle" ... We broke up that night ...

30th June - Hang out with my friends, and suke2 asked "Ada jak kan, c Fariz dtg dengan perempuan lain" ... Answered: "Yahhh, tapi xkan la kami mau menyibuk terus call kestau kau" ...

6th July - I found out, his ex is dating a good friend of my brother ...

7th July - He sms'ed, sampai call2 ... Nak tau, ape yg people tell me about him ... He even said, I made the situation worse ... Siap ckp, "I dengan u, xde isu org ketige" ... Giler ahhh, kala2 bha kfcm ... Hahah ...

I didn't ask for any of these to happen pun, tapi Tuhan nak tunjuk kan ?? Tibe2 I jadik sgt malas nak elaborate on the details, sebab obvious kot ?? All I know now, ape2 pun yg he's trying to explain ... Don't mean a thing now, he should explain to me 2weeks earlier ... Kenape skarang baru nak mengelabah explain kan ??

Saye sangat malas sebenar nye, nak layan org mcm ni ... Because I'll tend to became emotional, & say things I shouldn't say ... Making myself low, maki2 just to be even ... It made me feel uncivilized ... That's why I prefer silent treatment, because I don't want anymore explanation ... Buat sakit hati jek kot ?? I was your gf back then, it was my responsibility to hear your problem ... But now ?? Why should I care, about things he did a month ago ??

I decided not to be in touch with him ... I took the trouble to contact his friend, & collect my things ... Sebab xnak b'harap ape2 dr die, & I passed his sweater to his friend ... So I don't have to see him ... That's how determined I am, to get over him ...

I don't go, ask around ... To find out what he did, it just come to me ... Every time, like a reminder to me ... Why we shouldn't be together from the very 1st day ...

It suppose to be a clean break up, I don't feel good putting up this post pun ... It's not healthy for me when I wanted to move on, it's not healthy for my future relationship ... I should been focusing on the future, instead of looking back on the past ...

I'm moving on, he should do the same ... I'm waiting for that moment, to wake up in the morning ... & forgive everything he did ... I can go further & write down every single drama, & lies he came up wif ... But it's not necessary, sebab dah xde ape2 kepentingan ...

I want a life, with people who knows how to appreciate me ... Bukan create more drama around me, to cover the fact that you've taken me for granted ... Cube fahami itu ... & respect my decision ... I admit I want him badly, but that was back then ... I don't want him around, that's what happen now ...

Sharing Love

I've remove a post, Staying Strong ... Which I wrote about my ex's friend, who's constantly being rude to me ... Bukan sebab we've broke up ... Tapi sebab gambar die made a big statement ... Since I have a conversation recently ...

Me: I dah break off last week ...

M: Ni bf yg yg mane ni, yg gambar dekat karaoke tu ehhh ??

And another conversation a few weeks earlier ...

Mek: Mu pakai baju ape tu mokcik ... Mcm (ape bende ntah die ckp, aku dah lupe) ...

Tapi her point is, baju ke ... Memang kau xpakai sluar mokcik ?? Heheh, ok ... Gambar itu too much !!! Sebab tu saye remove the post, ok fine ... Tipu la kan kalau I nak ckp xde kene mengena langsung with the break up ... So now it's over, that post mean nothing ... Heheh ...

But I won't remove the post about how we met ke & the datings ... What's done is done la kan, it's just a break up ... Nobody's dying ... Later I'll elaborate more on the break ups ... Sebab post tu akan jadi depressing, so I need to get in the mood ... Right now, xrase mcm nak men'depress'kan diri anytime soon ... Thank you ...

Ade jugak I read someone else's blog, quite femes la ... Follower ramai, that how we define famous in blogger world kan ?? He kept on condemning girls who extremely express their happiness on blog ... Those who post gambar2 romantic dgn bf ... Salah ke ??

I mean, memang salah la ... Kalau belum kawin, posing peluk2 dgn bf ... He was trying to point out that, kalau people judge you social ke hape ... Jangan nak melenting la ... Actually his word is more extreme, I rephrase it in a very polite manner dah tu ...

But that what most girls do kot, trying to share her happiness with the whole world ... & what's wrong with that ... Cume cara masing-masing berbeza ... Ade yg show off gambar visits to relatives place mase raye, & those yg extreme akan post gambar when they're on vacation or something like that ...

So, yg b'gambar peluk2 tu perempuan jahat ?? Yg ambik gambar with her girlfriends, pegi island vacation ... Padahal yg snap the picture tu her bf, itu yang t'baik ?? This is all human's behavior ... Sgt subjective, & I don't wanna go in too deep about it ... Sebab my life is too precious to care that much about what other people want to do ...

I'm one of the girl, yg show off her bf to the whole world ... Sebab for me, that who I am ... I'm not going to pretend to be someone else, just sebab makcik seblah xsuke tgk aku pakai skirt kluar rumah ... But I will put on a proper jeans, so that jiran seblah xpikir yg enga'2 towards my family ...

So, in case for my picture dlm post yg I delete tu ... It's better be removed sebab my close friends sumer bagi -ve feed back ... Utk myself, & those who really care about me ...

I'm not the girl yang made up fairy tales stories, I didn't just tell you guys the happy moments to brag ... But I did share my problems, the down side of my relationship ... Reality lies behind the needs of being in the comfort zone, & things are just not as easy as you imagine ...

Ok, just saying yg dah jadi sangat panjang ... I'll spill more details in the next entry ... Thanks for all the love & support girls, luv u guys ...

Sleeping Disorder

Morning my lovely readers ...

I have a problem sleeping in my own house, yg kat Kerteh ni ... When I'm in my parents' house kat Bangi, I jadik myself balik ... A good daughter/morning person, chewahhh ... Seriyesly, I can wake up ... & berada di Giant/Tesco/Pasar Pagi, or done with my bakery shopping by 10am ... Tapi kat cni (Kerteh), I woke up at 11am ??

I just found out hari ni, I have a lot of things to do ... Preparation utk meeting on Sunday, normally kalau bnyk keje ... I memang susah tido ... I akan terjage dlm odd hours, like 2-4am ... Paling lambat pun, normally sebab t'lampau penat/tak cukup tido ... I akan t'jage by 6am ... & my working gear akan terus kick in to the max ... Now, sgt risau ok ...

It was the break up last week, that's when I woke up at 11am ... Tu pun, I have to tell myself ... 'Reysha, you can't be like this ... It's not the end of the world, you have work to do' ... I was sleeping since 11pm that night, 12hours ?? That's crazy la ...

Then this morning, I woke up at 4am ... T'tido balik, then I t'jage around 5am ... Still, I t'tido balik ... I woke up again around 6am, until ... T'bangun tibe2 tadi, 7.30am !!! Oh my ... Sgt tak selesa dgn perangai diri sendiri, I really think I have to change my sleeping habit ... Next week, I'll stop sleeping on my cheap sofa ... Get a proper rest in my room ...

Is it influenced by the break up ?? Or it's just me who don't have enough sleep from traveling from Kerteh-KL almost every week ?? I've been sleeping dr pukul 9 mlm tadi, & I have enough sleep the night before ... Mcm pelik that I need to sleep like crazy ...

Now I'm in my parents' house, xbole nak tido pulak ... Haih ... Maybe, most probably ... It was the travelling, that got me exhausted ... & keterlebihan 'hyper' when I'm driving back ... Memang sgt hyper, I admit ... After driving from Kerteh, I can manage to lepak2 1st ... Before I went back home ...

Better get myself organized real soon, sebab dah rase my life in a massive mess ... Balik tido kat rumah Kerteh, xsempat buat ape2 ... & just angkut balik what I've bring from Bangi a few days earlier ... I'm going to buy something for my bedroom next week ... Will let u know, heheh ...

Good morning everyone ...

Ps: see, told u ... I slept at almost 4am, but terbangun by 8am ... Kalau kat Kerteh, mesti overslept sampai lambat pegi keje ... Haih ...

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Gedix

Just sebab aku letak gambar pakai skirt dlm fb, so aku ni social ... Aite ?? Pempuan2 yg letak gambar ala2 suci + budget korea ... Org puji2, said ade value buat calon bini ... Padahal pempuan tu la yg ex-bf aku peluk dlm club, tapi still org ckp terbaek ??

Sometimes memang rase life ni unfair, kenape pempuan lain ade bf ... Siap pasang, yet her bf still marrying her ... While aku yg setia giler babi, dpt bf mcm shit ... Ok, aku memilih ... Fine, guilty as charged di sana ... Memang aku nak yg ensem jek, heheh ...

I'm not going to change myself, lost the values I've been holding on to since zaman Friendster lagi ... I exposed who I really am, bukan who you expect me to be ... Bukan aku xnak remove gambar aku pakai bikini dlm fb tu, but that's me ... Nak letak gambar pakai baju kurung or tudung so that your friends think kau ni perempuan melayu t'akhir ... That's hypocrite ...

Conclusion - "I wish i can be wit u syg..sabar ya syg.ni smua dugaan dan cabran." ... Bace msg tu balik2, sejuk kan ati ... & yes, ingat2 la Tuhan ... 'Bersyukur dgn nikmat & kelebihan yg Tuhan beri' ... Makin bnyk nikmat & kelebihan tu, makin bnyk la dugaan nyer ...

Have a good week, it's Wednesday already ... Make it a productive week mokcik !!! Heheh ...