Wishlist 2011

I was trying to list down things i wish for next year, I'm very sure for every single thing I wish for ... I mean, realistically ... It's normally something I knew I can achieve, but need extra effort to make it true ...

For 2010, I successfully accomplished 6 out of 10 ... And those left in the list, are either things I don't really need by now ... Or, not much desired due to some others temptation ... Heheh ...

So, as I did last year ... I made enuf space for 10things, then I start filling those spaces ... Including one that I carry forward from 2010 ... Then I stuck at number 5., but the 9th and 10th wishes are already filled up (as it the things I wanted the most, and need extra x3 effort to achieve) ... Well, you know I love the drama ...

I found the 5th wishes a few mins later ...

So, at the moment I'm stuck with 3more wishes ... This made me realized, how lucky I am ... I have almost everything I wish for, stable career ... Loving bf, everything on the list was materials ...

Seriyesly, I'm running out of wish ?? Or maybe, I should wish for others joy & happiness ...

It's Gone ...

Hari ni hilang suda mood gedix & over exploiting, sebab perangai contracter yg mcm 'puaka' ... Just don't understand why orang Melayu ni still xnak maju kan diri sendiri ... Still berada di takuk yang lame, kalau takuk yang lame ... Xde la aku kesah sgt, ni lagi teruk dr what I used to receive ??

Seriously ?? My task ni, monthly report ... Can u imagine, doing the F'ing same thing ... Over n over again ?? Just tukar value, and check the details ... Make sure semua telly ... Memang ah, kene spend extra effort to focus ... But u've been here for 3years kot ?? Xkan xbole nak be good lagi in thing you did all these while ??

Seriously, xde mood dah nak finish the report ... While I shud have made it ready to be presented by tomorrow ... Haih, just tired la ... Being compared wif others, why org lain ade 2-3 report ... Bole jek siap on time, but my report yg satu always passed due date ...

Skali ok la, I gave reason to my boss I got late input ... 2x, 3x ?? I should already be able to handle the problem la ... Tapi masalah nyer skarang, it's human error all the way !!! I'm pissed ...

Cuti2 Malaysia ...

Mari sambung kegilaan tadi, hari ni memang giler ... Saye tido lambat mlm tadi, listing down things I need for my engagement ... Maybe sebab tu hari ni saye agak gedix ...

Dalam gedix2 pun, report saye siap ok ?? One of it ah, dah selamat di'forward' pd yg sepatutnya ...

Anyway, since 'Publicity Murahan' adalah mood utk minggu ini ... CUTI 5hari dah APPROVED !!! Yay !!!

Utk menyokong mood tersebut, saye serta kan gambar kucing omak den yg gedix ... Bukan omak den yg gedix, kucing die ... :D, sorry yea cik Tam2 ... Eh, puan ?? Anda pun dapat publicity murahan percuma minggu ini ...

Report2 ...

Ini adalah satu cubaan mengarut utk publicity murahan, rase nye ... Tu mood yg bole kite highlight kan utk minggu ini ...

Hahah, xpaham kenape saye sgt poyo skarang ... Yang sebenarnye, malu nak ckp ... Tapi ... SAYE DAH GATAL NAK KAWEN kot ... Hahah ...



Sebenarnye, saye tgh tension ... Carik pendrive xjumpe, softcopy sumer dlm tu ... Now stuck, xbuat pape ... Padahal sepanjang perjalanan ke sini last weekend dah b'azam xnak makan gaji bute lagi ...

Hahah, I'm a mess ... That's pile of work yg xsiap2, kalau chantek t'susun tu ... Makne nye saye buat keje, ;p ... Haih, pendrive ...

My Mum's Latest Charity Case ...

I went crazy last few weeks, being mad to my family ... For things that they do, and made me felt neglected ... But I'm tired of running, and breaking down ... So I'm taking the simplest solution ... Ignoring the issue ...

This thing happen over and over again in my family ... My mum prioritize other's kids more than hers, and my sister kept wasting money, time and feelings on stupid guys ...

I'm trying not to be emotional ... Somehow, the feeling of being unappreciated kept spinning around ... I always have issues with my sister's bf, ONCE the started acting stupid ...

Previously, I stopped talking to her ex ... When he kept resenting about my sister going to GMI, a school with lots of boys and a few girls ... And my sister, as usual ... Stupidly cry for silly fight ...

Why should I have to get emo@involved in my sister's fight ?? She's on the phone crying next to me every night when I have to wake up early tomorrow morning to attend my classes !!!

Her current bf, not talking to me at the moment ... But living on my property, well I can say most of it ... Since I bought almost everything in the house at the moment ... Of course it's daddie's money, but it's my allowance !!!

I'm not asking for them to spent me meal everyday, or buy me branded handbag now and then ... But have some respect to yourself, stop living on my allowance when you're not respecting me ...

A few friends who knew this issue, can simply say ... 'Die xtau malu ke ??' ... So, am I still being emotional on this ??

My mum, as well ah ... She's the greatest mum for me ... I know that, that's God's arrangement ... As things happen for a reason, I know there's plenty of good things that God sent me such a wonderful mum ...

She's too great that she NEVER stop doing charity work ... Helping THOSE WHO DON'T REALLY NEED HELP, prepare MORE THAN ENOUGH meals for us + OTHERS ...

I'm done making my points, because I've done this before ... And I'm sure it doesn't change anything ... So, I'm done fighting ... FOR THINGS THAT ARE NOT WORTH IT ...

It's not like I'm giving up on my family, I'm just giving space for them ... To do things that they like, and as a reply ... I expect them to understand my action, when I make my move later ... And respect my privacy ...

Family will always be family, but the meaning can be subjected to change ... I always love them, but I can love them more when they're done with their charity work ...

Thank you ...

Good People Don't Do Bad Things ...

I'm being emotional in my previous post ... I should write something general, based on experience of course ... But I'm still trying to control my emotions and action ... Avoid wasting my idea and time on something which is specifically meant for someone I'm mad at or hate ...

Once a very close friend told me that I have a noble heart, and I should share my thoughts with others ... That's when I started built my own blog ... But I'm being a monster all through the way ... Address my anger publicly, and humiliate others ... Well, I might not mention names ... But my close friends probably know who was it that I'm talking about ...

We do bad things, mistakes in our life ... As we grow older, we became more stubborn ... Refusing so many things, choices ... Refuse to admit our fault, and sometimes we're trying to be someone who wasn't ourselves ...

It is self denial, but at some point ... We do that anyway, because deep inside ... You want to believe that you're still a good person ... That one mistake, won't make you a bad person ... Because you want to believe you're capable to change, and you won't do the same mistake ... But what if it happen again ?? What if you did it again ??

It doesn't matter what you do, doesn't matter how much you screw up ... Everybody still deserve a fair chance in everything ... Everybody deserve to be happy, everybody deserve to start a new healthy life ... No matter how bad you screwed up in the past ...

All that matter is for you to hold on to what you believe ... If you want to think that you're still a good person even if you've done a few bad things, all you have to do is believe that you still a good person ... And good person don't do bad things ...

If you're confidence enough to think that you're a good person, you should have a strong hope that you are still a good person ... And that will drives you to avoid doing bad things ...

Life is precious, too precious to waste on thinking what others are thinking about you ... But still, you have to think about things you do and what it can do to others ...

Think about that, if you can consider one thing you do today ... And the effect of your action on people around you, and other will do the same thing too ... Would it make the world a better place for us ??

I Can't Forgive You ... Yet ...

I still couldn't find the reason to forgive my ex-bf ... We just broke up, and I know I have to forgive him ... And let all these go ... But I can't forgive him yet ... Maybe, because he don't even ask for my forgiveness ... Because he never think he did something wrong ...

I just have to let this out, can't keep it to myself ... I'm don't wish for his failure, 'Good luck in everything' ... That's the last words I said to him ... And I do wish him well ...

Somehow, as a human ... I still have to feel the hurts ... Maybe it's just my emotion talking, but I do think one day he'll know how much it hurt ... When you really want somebody, and your somebody is not even trying to want you ...

I'm doing this for myself ... As I stated in my previous post ... I have to be with someone who can appreciate me ... I won't do anything as a revenge, because it normally hurt both ways ...

I just want to let all this fade away, I just want to be happy ...

No More Confussion ...

I've calling a few friends lately ... Trying to get their opinion, about my future ?!!? Hahah, now it sound ridiculous ... Because it's my future, why do I let somebody else decide for me ...

Anyway, in this mission of finding the answer to the question, it's not about finding the right answer ... It's about finding the right answer, that you want ... Or you like ...

It's like, no matter how hard the government try to make you see ... The ugly effects of smoking ... But you still smoke, because that is what you wanted ... Because you mind didn't really get it, or you heart just don't really like the idea of stop smoking ...

So, no matter what my friends said ... No matter how good the advice they gave, but it's me ... My mind, and my heart who will decide ... It might be clearly not an easy path, but you willing to go with it ...

My relationship is like a roller-coaster at the moment ... We broke up almost every month ... I'm half way of my 23 already, my heart just can't deal with this unsafe feeling in a relationship ... This is the thing creating the complex hesitation in this whole situation ...

Somehow, I always stay ... And he always comeback ... And I kept waiting for him to come back ... And all my friends kept telling me I should be stronger, just move on ... Every time we broke up ...

It's my heart who tell me to stay ... And it's my mind who can't accept the idea of losing him ... That the thing that always make me stay ...

Now we came to another chapter of hesitation ... I have these choices, I can go back to my home town ... Build my future, and there is something waiting for me there ...

For those who don't really know me, it's hard to find me being single ... So, when I said there is something waiting for me there ... You should understand that it came in a complete package ... Future 'Career and Happiness' ...

And there's this guy from UiTM, I met back then during my diploma ... And he showed up recently, promote himself to me ... Hahah ...

So, the thing is ... I can go out, dating this UiTM guy ... Or build my new future ... Somehow, I hesitate ... If I really want to leave, there will be no hesitation ... I'll just leave ...

When my bf was about set for a date by his family, I asked him ... 'Do you wanted to go ?!!?' ... He didn't answer that ... But now I understand ...

Does it really matter, whether he wanted to go ?!!? Because the hesitation explain all ... If you wanted to go, try your luck with somebody else ... Why hesitate in leaving what you have now ?!!?

I know what I wanted, this is what I've been fighting for since last few months ... So I will keep fighting for it ...

I did, tell him that I'm done fighting for him ... I guess I am, just that I'm done making him to want me ... It's a different thing that I'm doing now ... I'm fighting to stick to what I wanted from the beginning ... Because this is what my heart tells me ...

No more mistake, cause in your eyes I like to stay ...