I'm Waiting for a Train ...

You're waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don't know for sure. But it doesn't matter, because we'll be together.

Haha, giler poyo ... Tujuan sebenar nak bagitau I'm bored as hell dalam office ni ... Since tomorrow will be my last day in the office, & sebab dah tender resignation letter ... Yes, I'm resigning by the end of the month ... Which is end of this week .. So I don't got any task since then, dah tak tau nak buat ni ...

I dunno, to some people ... Resignation tu cam a huge thing, mcm making decision nak kawen ... Back then when I moved back from Kerteh pun, ade la jugak rase sayu2 sket nak pindah KL ... Hahah ... But this time around, I just feel like it's a routine ... Something that I have to do ...

I resign atas tiket 'masalah kesihatan' ... Which is bukan la tak bole jalan ke hape, but my attendance was down hill ... Few days earlier, dengan azam & semangat berkobar-kobar ... I leave home around 6.45am since Monday, for 2days in a row ... Going back home yesterday, I dah bole raser my body tak sedap ... Mcm nak demam ...

I end up waking up at 7am this morning, I leave home before 8 ... Naseb Sungai Besi tak jem giler this morning, so I manage to reach the office ngam2 9am ... Berjaya jugak mengekalkan record above the red line for this week, yeahhh ...

My feet is freezing at the moment, as I'm sitting here writing this ... My point is, I'm still pushing myself to do things beyond my capability ... Sebab my mum sumer advised me not to push myself, since they know how I've been living my life all these while ...

For instance aku ade order cupcakes on Tuesday, balik keje from Subang I'll go shopping siap2 before I went back ... Sampai rumah around 8, get simple dinner then start baking ... Depends on flavour, kalau dorang request yg filling2 tu leceh sikit la my work ... & will take longer time, normally everything will be done around mid night ...

Then I'll wake early the day after, & keje mcm biase ... Whenever I got time to replace my sleep, then I'll do ... Even there are times when my mood swing dah start to go crazy, my sister will ask - "Kau dah tido ke belum" ?? Yup, that's so me ... So after this medical condition, I was advised not to do those kind of things ... I have to love my body, pamper myself ...

Pamper dalam konteks berikut bukan la bermaksud aku nak pegi spa every week, it's just that I'm doing things that my body can actually do ... Bukan minum red bull, kacip patimah bagai cam dulu ... Reason being - my oven is still working, & I have plan to make babies in this oven body ... So yes, people bole cakap ikut sedap mulut dorang ... "Ala, akak tu ok jek lepas operation" or "Minah tu xde pun mcm tu dulu" ... But this is my body, my future ... So, I'll decide what I can do & what I can't ...

"You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don't know for sure" ... I do have plans for the future, what I don't know is that will it work or not ... All I can do is work hard to carry out my plans, & pray for the best to happen ...

So, before my service ended here ... I would like to thank everybody for their  help & kindness, selama saya bekerja di sini ... & I'm sorry if I ever do anything wrong to any of you guys ... It's been nice working with everybody here, I'll take all the sweet memories with me & left the unwanted behind ... Hehe, esok aku post kat wall group ... No worries ...

Till then, wish me luck !!!

Lie, Make it Real ... If it Doesn't Work, Blame Someone ...

Recently a major drama exploded among my circle of friends ... Korang pun tau, kawan aku bukan ramai sgt pun kan ?? I have no intention of revealing the details, sebab from my point of view ... It's something huge, maruah kau ... Maruah family kau ... & I'm not God to punish you ... It's all on you baby, you decide on your own all those things you did ...

No need to explain myself, neither to cover my S ... I apologized for things I did wrong, & I won't apologized for things I believe I do right ... Especially in something related to my religion, there's no tolerance in that ... Memang aku bukan baik sangat pun, but I know what's right & what's wrong ...

What you guys do is actually the same, you both created a lie ... & build more lies around your story to make people (or maybe yourself too) believe your lie is REAL ... So I stand strongly by my principle, I won't lie for any of you ... Friends or not, you shouldn't put anyone in the position to choose ...

Leave all those others out side the picture, just between me & you ... We both know who the hell is lying ... I choose to stay silent in this drama, & it's not like it's a kiss & tell contest ... I'm not going to trash her, just to make you feel better ... It's a sincere apology, just that ... So don't get ahead of yourself ...

I have a lot to say, since I've lost a lot for the past couples years ... But it's just not right to channel my anger publicly, even some other people already did - trash every single aspect of my life publicly ... They said 'God will do all the punishment for you, & if your lucky enough ... You'll be around to see how they got punished' ...

Just like what happened recently to someone who broke my heart, God took something from him as well ... & I'm lucky enough to have someone told me he lost that one thing he put all his faith in ... Sounds evil kan ?? But just don't be the reason for any of the bad things happened ...

p/s: find someone else to blame next time you come around a problem & stumble ... You did a fine job pointing finger for the past few events ~

Weddings-Marriage Personally

I've been attending weddings every fortnightly on average since last year, especially on school holidays ... Being in kk on 1 of my best friend's anniversary, light up the memories we had a year back ... Dulu kecik2, I attended weddings ikut my parents ... When I was little, I enjoyed it very much when they let the kids to put on 'inai' ... & I really2 love taking photos with the bride, REALLY ... Sampai jumpe bride yg tak kenal kat hotel lobby pun, I'll ask my mum to snap a photo for me ...

When u're a teenagers, u prefer to hangout with ur friends on weekends rather than following ur parents to weddings ... & during that transition from teenagers to a grown up women, weddings are something interesting to take part in ... Especially close friend's, since ur grew up together ... & it's interesting to be a part of one of their important event throughout ur stages in life ...

As a women, we always look forward on the wedding ... What u're going to wear, how you want your hair done ... U wanna find the perfect shoes to compliment the outfit, you go all around the city to find the right hand bouquet that will stand out ... For me ?? I would like a perfect husband to fit in all the beautiful details, yes ... I am that selfish, ;p ... But then u realize, that it's not that simple ...

Someone that look good, might not be so perfect to share your life with ... Because of different interests, & financial capability probably ... Someone who can make you happy, might not provide you the kind of wedding/life you've been dreaming of since you're little ... But someone who can give you all, might just not make you happy ... Maybe he'll spend more time on work, instead of spending time wif you ...

My opinion personally, it's something you tolerate when you decided to get married ... Quoted from a friend - "If I'm not that religious & have no family to care about, I would have marry the other guy who can give me almost everything" ... But she married the person she loves instead, & tolerate long distance marriage some more ...

While for me ?? Some might argue my current bf's capability, but I always refer back to my roots ... Pesan Nabi Muhammad SAW, pilih pasangan b'dasar kan 4 perkara - harta, keturunan, rupa paras & agama ... Tapi pilih agama, nescaya kamu akan bahagia ... My bf memang xbole nak provide harta walaupun die ensem, or b'kelakuan baik2 to be the ideal future husband ... But I can simply argue a topic, & he'll came in strong & clear on hukum ... Complete with the exact arabic term for the situation ...

That's what made him on the top of my list ... No matter what other people think or say ... So where do you stand in this argument ?? Will u marry your sweetheart even it's clear he can't provide u financially or spiritually, or a guy struggling to give you the best he could provide but somehow guide u to a better life each & every single day ... Or u prefer someone who drives sports cars, but spend 2hrs a day wif u because he's busy all day chasing business deal ...

For whatever you choose to prioritize, the most important thing is to deal with it ... You should well aware of those choices u made when u go for ur bridal gown fitting, prepare your mind & soul for the ups & downs in marriage when u pick up your wedding rings at the jewelry store ... & don't forget to pray & ask for guidance along the way, & seek for help when u come into obstacle instead of running away ...

As much as I love weddings, that's how much I adore my happily married friends ... Lots of luv ~

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Pack & Leave

We always said - as we grow older, things get complicated ... It is, but I just realize that I have this one thing I can go easy ... Or in other words, something that might be complicated for others ... But I'm good at it, which is - pack & leave ...

Some people find it difficult, to leave home ... To work hundred miles away from home, married or single ... Then I realize how fast things went back then in 2010, when I decided to leave home & work in Kerteh ... It was like, I went for interview on Friday ... Get on the plane for a week long vacation in KK, went back beli tilam kat ikea wif my former bf ... & leave at 4am in the morning on the next Monday dgn Ahmad Faliq ...

Even when I told my dad, "I'll leave for Kerteh the moment we get back from KK, if I get the job" ... My dad kind of shock to hear that, but for me it was easy ... By that I mean, I don't get sentimental packing my things & leave ... Maybe sebab I was trained dr kecik2, since my dad travel around the country for his work ... Imagine he gave 2hrs notice to pack, when we're moving from Tawau to Papar ...

Somehow, to move back from Kerteh to Bangi ... I got emotional packing my things ... Haha ... Maybe because every single thing in the house are personally mine, compared to those in my parent's house which are mostly shared ...

So, here I am now ... About to do the same thing, pack & leave ... Honestly ?? I'm excited, to get my own place ... & get committed to my job ... Just like back then in Kerteh, keje ... Go back home, tgk astro ... Sleep, & the repeat that routine everyday ...

Bf ?? Kalau bole masuk bag bungkus, I'm pretty sure I will ... Haha ... But that's not the point now, I'm not worried about 'hanging on' to my bf ... Because to me, bf is not a husband ... Yet ... But it got me thiking, what will happen when I'm married ?? Will I still be packing my things & leave for my job, from my own judgment at the moment - YES ... I'll definitely do the same thing, pack my things ... Grab my kids, transfer them to my new job place ...

But will that do justice to my partner ?? I think I'll be very lucky to have a partner who agreed with my career plan, but chances are ?? It's quite impossible to find someone who can just find a new job somewhere else, every time I move for a new project aite ?? Unless I get married to a teacher, tu pun jarang nak dgr a male teacher mintak tukar skolah sebab nak ikut wife kan ??

All these, just reminded me that I had a long way to go in planning my future ... More things to take into consideration, more responsibilities ... Right now I should just focus on my work, dr looking forward on planning for things that wasn't sure ... Pour my effort on things more important than thinking, whether my future husband will fit right in my plan ...

Oh, btw ... I haven't get back to work since my surgery, feeling a little bit under the weather these few days ... Right now, susah nak predict either I can stay fit for the whole week or not since I can easily get tired after an outing depend on how much energy I spent ... & staying out over night is the most likely activity that can cause the pain to re-occurred ... I might have to go back to the clinic to get things check up & extend my medical leave ... Hihi ... Till then ~

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Post Surgery

Morning girls, I dunno what's wrong with me ... Tapi saye tersangatlah malas nak updet blog since the last few months ... Kalau hade pun, sebab aku hangin giler ... Tatau nak ckp kat sape, hahah ... So aku membebel kat blog, heh ...

Post ini ditulis dlm posisi duduk yg paling malas, mcm org sakit pinggang ... Dengan sebijik bantal ikea di antara tulang belakang dan kerusi depan laptop ni ... ;p Ok, tade hubung kait ...

So, as few of you may have known ... I just went thru surgery to remove fibroid last Monday ... AlhamduliLlah, dgn a bit complication yg xbape nak a bit sgt la sebenar nyer ... The surgery went well, & saye sedang enak berehat di rumah ... Atas tiket mc sampai pertengahan bulan depan ... Hoyehhh ...

Xpayah nak hoyehhh sgt, recovery itu adalah azab dunia ... Aku yg konon nyer berani sgt nak go thru the surgery atas tiket muda remaja la sgt, siap pegi buat manicure 2hrs before surgery ... Sampai dikritik hebat oleh calon Imam Muda next year yg terbang khas dr Kota Kinabalu, yeahhh ... Abg saye itu, yg mendapat hidayah lepas tgk The Arrival ... Last2 guling jugak atas katil recovery, yes ... Surgery tu tak sakit, lepas surgery itu adalah super sakit ...

My surgery was estimated for 2hours, somehow dragged to 5hours causing by a bit complication itu - which is bleeding ... & turned out they found another small fibroid, so they have to remove both ... Those yg visible mase scan & those they found during surgery ... & they have to cut a small incision, mcm C-section to stop the bleeding ...

The surgery pun started late, sebab doctor ade emergency ... So it started around 2pm, & dlm 7 o'clock baru abes ... Sempat la my brother watch me guling2, sampai die suh bagi pain killer lagi ... Padahal dah tak bole nak bagi any more meds after the 5hrs surgery ...

Xpayah nak buat post ngeri sgt, let me share a few things that I learnt from this experience ...

1. The Importance of Insurance

Saye tade insurance, yes ... Salah saye, tak disiplin membayar ... Padahal aku dah hade the perfect plan to cover this illness dgn AIG, for about rm80 jek per month ... Memang la  maximum dorang kaver 5k jek, tapi saper nak bagi ko 5k tu di kala everything need to be decided on the spot ??

After scan tu, nurse estimated 5-8k for laproscopy ... Ni dah termasuk cost admit, but because of a bit complication tu ... Cost pun melambung2 la mcm ombak menghempas pantai mase musim hujan kat Pantai Barat ... Geddit ?? Meh aku bagi numbers, baru korang paham ...

For the 5hrs operation, the operating theater cost rm1800 ... Same harge dgn anesthetic ntah pape which I understood as the bius thru out the surgery ... Divide rm3600 with 5hrs, instead of thousand five ... There's extra 2k for that 'a bit complication' ... Nasib baik saye ade bapak yg bnyk duit, bole bayar kan my surgery kat my gynea (private) ... Kalau tak ?? Bratur ah, tunggu turn kat government hospital ...

2. Try to Avoid Surgery


Xkesah la, untuk ape tujuan sekali pun ... Surgery is the last option, mcm aku nak branak ... Yeaaa, saye bole branak lagi ... Sebab my fibroid was found mase die kecik lagi, so far my rahim is just fine ... After operation pun, Dr. Jaswant informed me that my eggs are fine ... Abe, mimpi la nak kawen 2 ehhh ... Heheh ...

But yes, kalau bole push normally ... I prefer normal labour, dr surgery ... Right now ?? It's painful when I pee, every time lepas makan nak pegi toilet ... Sebab everything nearby that area is very sensitive ... It feel painful biler makan terlalu bnyk, dgn kate lain - I can't eat till I'm full ... Makan pun kene agak2 ...

Even my mum said, time branak ... Sakit mase tu jek la ... I can walk, but I have to walk slowly ... Right now doctor advice to move around, so xde la ngade2 nak bed rest sgt ... I do walk up & down the stair slowly, but everything kene agak2 sendiri ... How much my body can take ...

Mase kat recovery, tak payah ckp ... Nak duduk pun azab ... 2days kat ward, I'm having difficulty nak lift up my legs whenever nak lay down lepas pegi toilet & stuff ... But right now after discharged ni, I feel better la ... I gain power to control my legs, cume part nak bangun ... Dr position baring to sitting, & sitting to standing itu sakit ...

3. Period Cycle Itu Important

Bukan period cycle je la, take a good care of your health ... Orang ckp suntikan hpv tu menggalak kan sex kan ?? Kalau dah ade ketumbuhan, sampai kene go thru surgery ?? Still nak ckp suntikan hpv tu tak bagus, menggalakkan life style tak sihat ??

Bnyk jek health screen, mahupun utk ladies yg blom kawen ... They do provide breast scan to detect cancer & stuff ... In my case, sebab my period cycle xstable & sakit pinggang kronik during menstrual ... So they scan my womb, just like they scan ibu2 mengandung ...

& do go to see the specialist, sebab doctor clinic2 biase ni sometimes ntah pape ... Same ah kes mcm my eczema yg the family clinic doctors ckp fungus, padahal eczema ... & this time around, doctor ckp I stress ... Sebab tu my period cycle tak regular ... Padahal ??

Ok, dah penat ... Heheh ... Enuf with that ... I'll update more on my recovery later, if things went well next week ... I guess everything will be smooth for me these few weeks, insyaAllah ... Till then, take care ~

Things About Me: Part V - Reality Check

Dah lame tak buat post muhasabah diri sendiri, been fooling around with my feelings for the past 2months ... Mostly adalah post gedix ala2 mintak penampar ... Dgn kate lain, entry double meaning nak tembak individu2 tertentu ... Sigh, sungguh mean girl diri ini ...

Being me, I always know sebenar nyer ... That I left my heart caught up somewhere, it's just a matter of time ... That I decided to wake up, & move on with my life ... Mcm perangai guling2 atas katil di waktu pagi, kul 6 dah bangun dah ... Tapi nak guling dulu, berangan jap ... Baru nak mandi, heh ... Itu contoh termudah ... ;p

So last 2months, I left my heart under the single bed dlm bilik tu ... Di celah2 bed frame yg ranap, sebab ntah sape pegi install bende alah tu secare songsang ... Secare logic nyer, camne katil tu nak handle the load ... Biler the 3pieces strut tu yg digunakan sebagai main beam, while the other 7pieces tu hanging freely ... Bijak !!!

Citer die, pagi tadi saye kemas la bilik kucing branak  tu ... Actually, kucing tu tak branak kat situ ... Die pindah masuk jap selepas dihalau keluar oleh pemilik bilik seblah tanpa tempat berteduh kat living area tingkat atas, sebelum mak bagi dorang hak milik kekal toilet kat bawah itu ... Heh, pandai aku divert cerita ...

So, I found back my heart this morning ... Itu care penceritaan dramatic seperti selalu la, sebab saye suke impact dramatic itu ... Heh ... Secare ringkas nyer - a simple new routine (kemas bilik pagi2), had given me the wake up call that I needed since the last 2months ... Yeah, that's me ... Aku memang malas berpikir, or dengan kate lain ... I prefer ignoring my feelings, rather than discussing it ... Even with myself, wadde F kan ??

I take things for granted these 2months ... I keep blaming AQ, I complaint he's not organized enough ... I blame him for staying around without intention to commit ... I blame him for everything ... Like always, I play victim ... But it's actually me, I'm the one who's not ready ...

I'm not ready to let KA go when it happened, & until this moment ... I didn't find a place in my heart to forgive KA ... Reason ?? Clear as a glass - I don't even seek for that forgiveness ... Remember how I managed to be strong without any man during my break up last July ?? I was single for 4months, then I found KA & feel blessed to have a man to share my ups & downs ...

Why ?? Sebab hati ni ikhlas, tak kesah la hati KA ikhlas ke tak kan ... Janji I did the right thing ... I forgive that person who broke my heart into pieces, from the very most bottom part of it ... That's how I managed to be happy, that's when I can be comfortable being single ... & that's how I felt so hard when someone offer me his heart ...

For the other party tu mintak maap, adalah tak perlu ... Sebab hati yang nak memaafkan & melupakan kan tu, ada dlm diri sendiri ... So, I'll go back to be who I was last Ramadhan ... I love who I am back then, more than who I am now ... :( Tenang, & definitely living a better life ...

So that's step one - forgiveness ... 2months ago, I jumped into the 2nd step ... Which letting AQ in ... While I should find that forgiveness in the 1st place, then I can start fresh ... Open arms & open heart, then baru I can give AQ the oppurtunity he deserve ... That's why I was so angry for the past 2months ... Everything is not good enough for me, nothing suits my needs ...

So this is it, 2months later ... Will it be too late for me to fix thing ?? I think so ... Sebab if it was for me, confirm aku dah carik bf lain ... Honestly ?? 2days with less attention already made me motivate myself to stay stronger, & I can find a better man ...

At the moment, I've already appeal rayuan to AQ ... Bukan rayuan la, more like a short term plan for us for the mean time ... Things didn't look good at the moment, but at least I tried ... Whatever will happened after this, akan saye conclude kan dlm Things About Me Part Six ... Yang ntah biler akan terhasil itu ...

For now, I should try to be that person who live a happy life since she hold no grudge upon nobody & her life is so much better sebab she have less important things to care ... Bukan nyer be mad sebab kene baling almari, or wish mamat yang ask her to marry him before he go to bed & pegi tengok Ombak Rindu kat Mesra Mall dgn perempuan lain in the morning tu mendapat pembalasan setimpal ...

I used to say, "I don't do revenge, that's in God's hand" ... Yes, for me to go serang pempuan lagi satu tu ... Adalah mustahil, far below my standard ... But, dlm hati ?? If he got dumped & perempuan tu kawen dgn jantan lain, comfirm aku lompat suker ??

So let it be, & I'll keep praying that one fine day ... I'll find a space in my heart to forgive all those who needed the forgiveness ... With, or without them to apologize ... It's not for them pun, it's for my own ketenangan & happiness ...

Ps: mase entry ni ditulis, aku tgh pujuk AQ ...
Updet: I've moved on with AK, I'm dating & happy ...

Another Negative Post

I've tried to find an interesting topic to share, like I've tried a few times nak post that entry on how much I adore AQ ... But rase hipokrit kat diri sendiri if I put that up, sebab it's shaky between us since he left last weekend ... Back to work ...

So, a few people addressed their concerns to me since yesterday ... After what I posted on facebook ... Yes, I admit ... Aku memang emo ... I'm lying if I tell you guys I'm just fine ... I went thru a break up 3weeks ago, & now there's another heart breaking moment that I have to deal with ...

I cried my heart out, hahah ... But only when I'm alone in the car, it's my ego ... Hahah ... I don't cry in public ... & I'm good in hiding my feelings ... But actually, when I think back ... Aku pun tak paham kenape nak nangis, ;p ... I guess it's the emotions clouded since the last heart break, that I left ignored ...

'Her/She' dlm context tersebut bukan la org ketiga like my previous relationship ... It's something I can't tell, only those I trusted jek I bagitau ... But I'm going to explain things in the most proper way I can do, in the same time trying my best utk tidak menyinggung mane2 pihak ...

So, over my conversation dgn P (nama sebenar dirahsiakan) ... I should forgive him, sebab 'her' didn't count ... Because it didn't involve feelings ... Then akan timbul argument, why kene forgive AQ ... But not KA ... As I said in my previous post, KA is a mistake ... & the situation is totally different ...

Then I had this conversation with my mum earlier this morning, she just got back from India on Wednesday ... & guess what ?? Instead of sharing her experiences visiting daddie, she asked - "How's ur abe doing" ?? Giler pissed of aku di situ, that's the 1st question she asked me ... Bukan "Did you went for holiday in these 2weeks" ke, die tanye bf aku sehat ke tak ?? Demn ...

My point is, my mum kind  of telling me ... It's a men's nature ... & I should forgive him ... Tu dah rephrase la, mamak told me in different sentence ... Indirectly ... It's just me actually, I dunno how to forgive him ... I know, I shouldn't compare them ... I can't compare what KA did, dgn AQ ... But why do I have to care about him feeling hurt being compared, while he don't try to understand my feelings when he repeat the same mistake KA did ??

So ... Right now, lets take things slow ... I can't really tell, what I wanna do ... Because honestly I dunno how to handle this ... Yes, I can forgive him ... But tell me how ?? Let's pray, with God's will ... My heart will be lebih tenang, & I can think about this in the whole picture ...

Give it some time, then I'll made up my mind ... Don't worry about me ... Yeah, things are rough for me ... But I have to deal with it, instead of running away ... Enough said, I'll update with you guys when I got the situation resolve ... Pray for me ~

Reysha Itu Sexy

Actually, I'm tired of negative post ... Sebab been reading my blog generally a few days back, giler last 3post sgt depressive ... Tapi hati ni membare selepas ape yg baru lepas saye discover sebentar tadi ... So never mind la, negative ke ... Positive, this is something I wanted to share ... Citer ni dah basi sebenar nyer, dr last year - end of December ... That's when we had combined event dgn this one government bodies ... Jgn tanye siape ...

Aku takde la kejam mane, nak sampai nak reveal nama ... Masa & tempat kejadian ... Cukup sekadar gambaran individu tersebut, rumusan dari kejadian ... Serta pendapat & pandangan peribadi saye tentang ape yg saye faham dari tindak tanduk dan perlakuan tersebut ... Chewah, aku memang ade bakat jadik lawyer ... Hehe ...

Satu ketika dahulu, aku dihentam oleh salah seorang peserta combined event tersebut ... Quoted: Sakit telinge dgr org mengate aku berpakaian seksi ... Ekoran dr statement tersebut, kitorang gaduh2 over the phone ... Towards me blaming makcik2 government yg tak open minded ... Seriyesly ?? Aku pakai baju kurung pun dorang akan ckp aku pakai seksi2 ...

That's what I mean, knee length skirt + long sleeves shirt ... ++ Cardigan lagi ... Itu sexy ?? Seriously ??

Dalam masa yg same, berite minah pakai sexy2 mase event tersebut tersebar secare menyeluruh kat pusat operasi dorang ... Government kan ?? Paham2 jek la ... Aku tak dpt pasti kan sebenar nyer, sape kah penyebar cerita ... Until, aku pegi stalk sorang mamat ni ... Aku google name die, maka t'jumpe la saye akan carta organisasi office beliau ... Dgn name boss die skali ...

Kantoi di situ, skarang aku tau la sape pakcik yg gigih menyebarkan cerita keseksian itu ...

Bukan pasal he spread the gossip 200km away ... Tapi sebab I honestly admire him ... For the 1st time I was brought pegi meeting when I joint the project, was a meeting pasal CPM ... My heart was pouring for him, sebab pakcik tu mcm hebat giler ... Relaxed, cool ... Somehow came up wif killing question every now & then ... Yeah pakcik, that's how much I adore you ...

Adore & pouring my heart out, is strictly work related - charismatic & ability on delivering the task ... Kalau kau kecoh duduk site 2tahun, tapi aku tanye size culvert pun xbole nak jawap ?? Hahah, sendiri mau ingat la ... Tapi xde la sampai giler kat laki org, those who knows me ... Are well aware that I don't do married man, so does bf org ... KA is a mistake, aku tatau die ade gf ... If only I knew ?? I memang xkacau, sebab aku tak suke org kacau bf aku ...

I'm naturally attracted to a man that good at work, they got this level of confident that differ from those yg tau ckp jek ... But xbole deliver ... Tapi aku pun, entry level je kan ?? So tak yah la nak complaint sgt ... Yes, I'm attracted ... My the attraction is more to admiring & respect, bukan kejar nak buat calon suami ... Hokay ??

Mcm married guys, they have this particular extra attraction (to me la) compared to those single guys ... They're neat, & more relaxed from what I've seen ... Of course, sebab ade yg menjage ... So they're neat ... & maybe because the responsibilities to the family, made them look matured compared to the single guys ... Again, I don't do married guys ... All I have for them is respect ...

Bukan senang for me to grant my respect to an individual, unless die memang betul2 bagus ... Sebab honestly, aku memang judgemental ... :D ... So having someone that I really respect to things that I personally think unnecessary & so not his level to do so, just made me even more judgemental ... Like seriously, if earlier I will say - "Owh, pakcik tu ... Sgt hot, sebab die power giler buat CPM" ... Now there'll be an addition to that story - "Owh, pakcik tu memang hebat pun ... Tapi tu la, gatal" ... Geddit ??

Enough said, individual's behaviour is not something you can change ... No matter what you said ... All I can do, is be aware ... Mcm aku dah tau pakcik tu gatal, so be extra caution being around him ... Jage pemakaian, & watch out my words ... Make sure nothing come out from me yg bole make him use as an excuse ...

Like I always feel it's ok to join the guys' dirty talk every once in a while ... But it might make them simply judge aku ni easy ... So, be extra careful with words when dealing with these kind of guys ... I'm going to stop now ... People's attitude won't change for the world, so it's up to you to make the change that make world a better place ... Till then ~