Pack & Leave

We always said - as we grow older, things get complicated ... It is, but I just realize that I have this one thing I can go easy ... Or in other words, something that might be complicated for others ... But I'm good at it, which is - pack & leave ...

Some people find it difficult, to leave home ... To work hundred miles away from home, married or single ... Then I realize how fast things went back then in 2010, when I decided to leave home & work in Kerteh ... It was like, I went for interview on Friday ... Get on the plane for a week long vacation in KK, went back beli tilam kat ikea wif my former bf ... & leave at 4am in the morning on the next Monday dgn Ahmad Faliq ...

Even when I told my dad, "I'll leave for Kerteh the moment we get back from KK, if I get the job" ... My dad kind of shock to hear that, but for me it was easy ... By that I mean, I don't get sentimental packing my things & leave ... Maybe sebab I was trained dr kecik2, since my dad travel around the country for his work ... Imagine he gave 2hrs notice to pack, when we're moving from Tawau to Papar ...

Somehow, to move back from Kerteh to Bangi ... I got emotional packing my things ... Haha ... Maybe because every single thing in the house are personally mine, compared to those in my parent's house which are mostly shared ...

So, here I am now ... About to do the same thing, pack & leave ... Honestly ?? I'm excited, to get my own place ... & get committed to my job ... Just like back then in Kerteh, keje ... Go back home, tgk astro ... Sleep, & the repeat that routine everyday ...

Bf ?? Kalau bole masuk bag bungkus, I'm pretty sure I will ... Haha ... But that's not the point now, I'm not worried about 'hanging on' to my bf ... Because to me, bf is not a husband ... Yet ... But it got me thiking, what will happen when I'm married ?? Will I still be packing my things & leave for my job, from my own judgment at the moment - YES ... I'll definitely do the same thing, pack my things ... Grab my kids, transfer them to my new job place ...

But will that do justice to my partner ?? I think I'll be very lucky to have a partner who agreed with my career plan, but chances are ?? It's quite impossible to find someone who can just find a new job somewhere else, every time I move for a new project aite ?? Unless I get married to a teacher, tu pun jarang nak dgr a male teacher mintak tukar skolah sebab nak ikut wife kan ??

All these, just reminded me that I had a long way to go in planning my future ... More things to take into consideration, more responsibilities ... Right now I should just focus on my work, dr looking forward on planning for things that wasn't sure ... Pour my effort on things more important than thinking, whether my future husband will fit right in my plan ...

Oh, btw ... I haven't get back to work since my surgery, feeling a little bit under the weather these few days ... Right now, susah nak predict either I can stay fit for the whole week or not since I can easily get tired after an outing depend on how much energy I spent ... & staying out over night is the most likely activity that can cause the pain to re-occurred ... I might have to go back to the clinic to get things check up & extend my medical leave ... Hihi ... Till then ~

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Post Surgery

Morning girls, I dunno what's wrong with me ... Tapi saye tersangatlah malas nak updet blog since the last few months ... Kalau hade pun, sebab aku hangin giler ... Tatau nak ckp kat sape, hahah ... So aku membebel kat blog, heh ...

Post ini ditulis dlm posisi duduk yg paling malas, mcm org sakit pinggang ... Dengan sebijik bantal ikea di antara tulang belakang dan kerusi depan laptop ni ... ;p Ok, tade hubung kait ...

So, as few of you may have known ... I just went thru surgery to remove fibroid last Monday ... AlhamduliLlah, dgn a bit complication yg xbape nak a bit sgt la sebenar nyer ... The surgery went well, & saye sedang enak berehat di rumah ... Atas tiket mc sampai pertengahan bulan depan ... Hoyehhh ...

Xpayah nak hoyehhh sgt, recovery itu adalah azab dunia ... Aku yg konon nyer berani sgt nak go thru the surgery atas tiket muda remaja la sgt, siap pegi buat manicure 2hrs before surgery ... Sampai dikritik hebat oleh calon Imam Muda next year yg terbang khas dr Kota Kinabalu, yeahhh ... Abg saye itu, yg mendapat hidayah lepas tgk The Arrival ... Last2 guling jugak atas katil recovery, yes ... Surgery tu tak sakit, lepas surgery itu adalah super sakit ...

My surgery was estimated for 2hours, somehow dragged to 5hours causing by a bit complication itu - which is bleeding ... & turned out they found another small fibroid, so they have to remove both ... Those yg visible mase scan & those they found during surgery ... & they have to cut a small incision, mcm C-section to stop the bleeding ...

The surgery pun started late, sebab doctor ade emergency ... So it started around 2pm, & dlm 7 o'clock baru abes ... Sempat la my brother watch me guling2, sampai die suh bagi pain killer lagi ... Padahal dah tak bole nak bagi any more meds after the 5hrs surgery ...

Xpayah nak buat post ngeri sgt, let me share a few things that I learnt from this experience ...

1. The Importance of Insurance

Saye tade insurance, yes ... Salah saye, tak disiplin membayar ... Padahal aku dah hade the perfect plan to cover this illness dgn AIG, for about rm80 jek per month ... Memang la  maximum dorang kaver 5k jek, tapi saper nak bagi ko 5k tu di kala everything need to be decided on the spot ??

After scan tu, nurse estimated 5-8k for laproscopy ... Ni dah termasuk cost admit, but because of a bit complication tu ... Cost pun melambung2 la mcm ombak menghempas pantai mase musim hujan kat Pantai Barat ... Geddit ?? Meh aku bagi numbers, baru korang paham ...

For the 5hrs operation, the operating theater cost rm1800 ... Same harge dgn anesthetic ntah pape which I understood as the bius thru out the surgery ... Divide rm3600 with 5hrs, instead of thousand five ... There's extra 2k for that 'a bit complication' ... Nasib baik saye ade bapak yg bnyk duit, bole bayar kan my surgery kat my gynea (private) ... Kalau tak ?? Bratur ah, tunggu turn kat government hospital ...

2. Try to Avoid Surgery


Xkesah la, untuk ape tujuan sekali pun ... Surgery is the last option, mcm aku nak branak ... Yeaaa, saye bole branak lagi ... Sebab my fibroid was found mase die kecik lagi, so far my rahim is just fine ... After operation pun, Dr. Jaswant informed me that my eggs are fine ... Abe, mimpi la nak kawen 2 ehhh ... Heheh ...

But yes, kalau bole push normally ... I prefer normal labour, dr surgery ... Right now ?? It's painful when I pee, every time lepas makan nak pegi toilet ... Sebab everything nearby that area is very sensitive ... It feel painful biler makan terlalu bnyk, dgn kate lain - I can't eat till I'm full ... Makan pun kene agak2 ...

Even my mum said, time branak ... Sakit mase tu jek la ... I can walk, but I have to walk slowly ... Right now doctor advice to move around, so xde la ngade2 nak bed rest sgt ... I do walk up & down the stair slowly, but everything kene agak2 sendiri ... How much my body can take ...

Mase kat recovery, tak payah ckp ... Nak duduk pun azab ... 2days kat ward, I'm having difficulty nak lift up my legs whenever nak lay down lepas pegi toilet & stuff ... But right now after discharged ni, I feel better la ... I gain power to control my legs, cume part nak bangun ... Dr position baring to sitting, & sitting to standing itu sakit ...

3. Period Cycle Itu Important

Bukan period cycle je la, take a good care of your health ... Orang ckp suntikan hpv tu menggalak kan sex kan ?? Kalau dah ade ketumbuhan, sampai kene go thru surgery ?? Still nak ckp suntikan hpv tu tak bagus, menggalakkan life style tak sihat ??

Bnyk jek health screen, mahupun utk ladies yg blom kawen ... They do provide breast scan to detect cancer & stuff ... In my case, sebab my period cycle xstable & sakit pinggang kronik during menstrual ... So they scan my womb, just like they scan ibu2 mengandung ...

& do go to see the specialist, sebab doctor clinic2 biase ni sometimes ntah pape ... Same ah kes mcm my eczema yg the family clinic doctors ckp fungus, padahal eczema ... & this time around, doctor ckp I stress ... Sebab tu my period cycle tak regular ... Padahal ??

Ok, dah penat ... Heheh ... Enuf with that ... I'll update more on my recovery later, if things went well next week ... I guess everything will be smooth for me these few weeks, insyaAllah ... Till then, take care ~

Things About Me: Part V - Reality Check

Dah lame tak buat post muhasabah diri sendiri, been fooling around with my feelings for the past 2months ... Mostly adalah post gedix ala2 mintak penampar ... Dgn kate lain, entry double meaning nak tembak individu2 tertentu ... Sigh, sungguh mean girl diri ini ...

Being me, I always know sebenar nyer ... That I left my heart caught up somewhere, it's just a matter of time ... That I decided to wake up, & move on with my life ... Mcm perangai guling2 atas katil di waktu pagi, kul 6 dah bangun dah ... Tapi nak guling dulu, berangan jap ... Baru nak mandi, heh ... Itu contoh termudah ... ;p

So last 2months, I left my heart under the single bed dlm bilik tu ... Di celah2 bed frame yg ranap, sebab ntah sape pegi install bende alah tu secare songsang ... Secare logic nyer, camne katil tu nak handle the load ... Biler the 3pieces strut tu yg digunakan sebagai main beam, while the other 7pieces tu hanging freely ... Bijak !!!

Citer die, pagi tadi saye kemas la bilik kucing branak  tu ... Actually, kucing tu tak branak kat situ ... Die pindah masuk jap selepas dihalau keluar oleh pemilik bilik seblah tanpa tempat berteduh kat living area tingkat atas, sebelum mak bagi dorang hak milik kekal toilet kat bawah itu ... Heh, pandai aku divert cerita ...

So, I found back my heart this morning ... Itu care penceritaan dramatic seperti selalu la, sebab saye suke impact dramatic itu ... Heh ... Secare ringkas nyer - a simple new routine (kemas bilik pagi2), had given me the wake up call that I needed since the last 2months ... Yeah, that's me ... Aku memang malas berpikir, or dengan kate lain ... I prefer ignoring my feelings, rather than discussing it ... Even with myself, wadde F kan ??

I take things for granted these 2months ... I keep blaming AQ, I complaint he's not organized enough ... I blame him for staying around without intention to commit ... I blame him for everything ... Like always, I play victim ... But it's actually me, I'm the one who's not ready ...

I'm not ready to let KA go when it happened, & until this moment ... I didn't find a place in my heart to forgive KA ... Reason ?? Clear as a glass - I don't even seek for that forgiveness ... Remember how I managed to be strong without any man during my break up last July ?? I was single for 4months, then I found KA & feel blessed to have a man to share my ups & downs ...

Why ?? Sebab hati ni ikhlas, tak kesah la hati KA ikhlas ke tak kan ... Janji I did the right thing ... I forgive that person who broke my heart into pieces, from the very most bottom part of it ... That's how I managed to be happy, that's when I can be comfortable being single ... & that's how I felt so hard when someone offer me his heart ...

For the other party tu mintak maap, adalah tak perlu ... Sebab hati yang nak memaafkan & melupakan kan tu, ada dlm diri sendiri ... So, I'll go back to be who I was last Ramadhan ... I love who I am back then, more than who I am now ... :( Tenang, & definitely living a better life ...

So that's step one - forgiveness ... 2months ago, I jumped into the 2nd step ... Which letting AQ in ... While I should find that forgiveness in the 1st place, then I can start fresh ... Open arms & open heart, then baru I can give AQ the oppurtunity he deserve ... That's why I was so angry for the past 2months ... Everything is not good enough for me, nothing suits my needs ...

So this is it, 2months later ... Will it be too late for me to fix thing ?? I think so ... Sebab if it was for me, confirm aku dah carik bf lain ... Honestly ?? 2days with less attention already made me motivate myself to stay stronger, & I can find a better man ...

At the moment, I've already appeal rayuan to AQ ... Bukan rayuan la, more like a short term plan for us for the mean time ... Things didn't look good at the moment, but at least I tried ... Whatever will happened after this, akan saye conclude kan dlm Things About Me Part Six ... Yang ntah biler akan terhasil itu ...

For now, I should try to be that person who live a happy life since she hold no grudge upon nobody & her life is so much better sebab she have less important things to care ... Bukan nyer be mad sebab kene baling almari, or wish mamat yang ask her to marry him before he go to bed & pegi tengok Ombak Rindu kat Mesra Mall dgn perempuan lain in the morning tu mendapat pembalasan setimpal ...

I used to say, "I don't do revenge, that's in God's hand" ... Yes, for me to go serang pempuan lagi satu tu ... Adalah mustahil, far below my standard ... But, dlm hati ?? If he got dumped & perempuan tu kawen dgn jantan lain, comfirm aku lompat suker ??

So let it be, & I'll keep praying that one fine day ... I'll find a space in my heart to forgive all those who needed the forgiveness ... With, or without them to apologize ... It's not for them pun, it's for my own ketenangan & happiness ...

Ps: mase entry ni ditulis, aku tgh pujuk AQ ...
Updet: I've moved on with AK, I'm dating & happy ...

Another Negative Post

I've tried to find an interesting topic to share, like I've tried a few times nak post that entry on how much I adore AQ ... But rase hipokrit kat diri sendiri if I put that up, sebab it's shaky between us since he left last weekend ... Back to work ...

So, a few people addressed their concerns to me since yesterday ... After what I posted on facebook ... Yes, I admit ... Aku memang emo ... I'm lying if I tell you guys I'm just fine ... I went thru a break up 3weeks ago, & now there's another heart breaking moment that I have to deal with ...

I cried my heart out, hahah ... But only when I'm alone in the car, it's my ego ... Hahah ... I don't cry in public ... & I'm good in hiding my feelings ... But actually, when I think back ... Aku pun tak paham kenape nak nangis, ;p ... I guess it's the emotions clouded since the last heart break, that I left ignored ...

'Her/She' dlm context tersebut bukan la org ketiga like my previous relationship ... It's something I can't tell, only those I trusted jek I bagitau ... But I'm going to explain things in the most proper way I can do, in the same time trying my best utk tidak menyinggung mane2 pihak ...

So, over my conversation dgn P (nama sebenar dirahsiakan) ... I should forgive him, sebab 'her' didn't count ... Because it didn't involve feelings ... Then akan timbul argument, why kene forgive AQ ... But not KA ... As I said in my previous post, KA is a mistake ... & the situation is totally different ...

Then I had this conversation with my mum earlier this morning, she just got back from India on Wednesday ... & guess what ?? Instead of sharing her experiences visiting daddie, she asked - "How's ur abe doing" ?? Giler pissed of aku di situ, that's the 1st question she asked me ... Bukan "Did you went for holiday in these 2weeks" ke, die tanye bf aku sehat ke tak ?? Demn ...

My point is, my mum kind  of telling me ... It's a men's nature ... & I should forgive him ... Tu dah rephrase la, mamak told me in different sentence ... Indirectly ... It's just me actually, I dunno how to forgive him ... I know, I shouldn't compare them ... I can't compare what KA did, dgn AQ ... But why do I have to care about him feeling hurt being compared, while he don't try to understand my feelings when he repeat the same mistake KA did ??

So ... Right now, lets take things slow ... I can't really tell, what I wanna do ... Because honestly I dunno how to handle this ... Yes, I can forgive him ... But tell me how ?? Let's pray, with God's will ... My heart will be lebih tenang, & I can think about this in the whole picture ...

Give it some time, then I'll made up my mind ... Don't worry about me ... Yeah, things are rough for me ... But I have to deal with it, instead of running away ... Enough said, I'll update with you guys when I got the situation resolve ... Pray for me ~

Reysha Itu Sexy

Actually, I'm tired of negative post ... Sebab been reading my blog generally a few days back, giler last 3post sgt depressive ... Tapi hati ni membare selepas ape yg baru lepas saye discover sebentar tadi ... So never mind la, negative ke ... Positive, this is something I wanted to share ... Citer ni dah basi sebenar nyer, dr last year - end of December ... That's when we had combined event dgn this one government bodies ... Jgn tanye siape ...

Aku takde la kejam mane, nak sampai nak reveal nama ... Masa & tempat kejadian ... Cukup sekadar gambaran individu tersebut, rumusan dari kejadian ... Serta pendapat & pandangan peribadi saye tentang ape yg saye faham dari tindak tanduk dan perlakuan tersebut ... Chewah, aku memang ade bakat jadik lawyer ... Hehe ...

Satu ketika dahulu, aku dihentam oleh salah seorang peserta combined event tersebut ... Quoted: Sakit telinge dgr org mengate aku berpakaian seksi ... Ekoran dr statement tersebut, kitorang gaduh2 over the phone ... Towards me blaming makcik2 government yg tak open minded ... Seriyesly ?? Aku pakai baju kurung pun dorang akan ckp aku pakai seksi2 ...

That's what I mean, knee length skirt + long sleeves shirt ... ++ Cardigan lagi ... Itu sexy ?? Seriously ??

Dalam masa yg same, berite minah pakai sexy2 mase event tersebut tersebar secare menyeluruh kat pusat operasi dorang ... Government kan ?? Paham2 jek la ... Aku tak dpt pasti kan sebenar nyer, sape kah penyebar cerita ... Until, aku pegi stalk sorang mamat ni ... Aku google name die, maka t'jumpe la saye akan carta organisasi office beliau ... Dgn name boss die skali ...

Kantoi di situ, skarang aku tau la sape pakcik yg gigih menyebarkan cerita keseksian itu ...

Bukan pasal he spread the gossip 200km away ... Tapi sebab I honestly admire him ... For the 1st time I was brought pegi meeting when I joint the project, was a meeting pasal CPM ... My heart was pouring for him, sebab pakcik tu mcm hebat giler ... Relaxed, cool ... Somehow came up wif killing question every now & then ... Yeah pakcik, that's how much I adore you ...

Adore & pouring my heart out, is strictly work related - charismatic & ability on delivering the task ... Kalau kau kecoh duduk site 2tahun, tapi aku tanye size culvert pun xbole nak jawap ?? Hahah, sendiri mau ingat la ... Tapi xde la sampai giler kat laki org, those who knows me ... Are well aware that I don't do married man, so does bf org ... KA is a mistake, aku tatau die ade gf ... If only I knew ?? I memang xkacau, sebab aku tak suke org kacau bf aku ...

I'm naturally attracted to a man that good at work, they got this level of confident that differ from those yg tau ckp jek ... But xbole deliver ... Tapi aku pun, entry level je kan ?? So tak yah la nak complaint sgt ... Yes, I'm attracted ... My the attraction is more to admiring & respect, bukan kejar nak buat calon suami ... Hokay ??

Mcm married guys, they have this particular extra attraction (to me la) compared to those single guys ... They're neat, & more relaxed from what I've seen ... Of course, sebab ade yg menjage ... So they're neat ... & maybe because the responsibilities to the family, made them look matured compared to the single guys ... Again, I don't do married guys ... All I have for them is respect ...

Bukan senang for me to grant my respect to an individual, unless die memang betul2 bagus ... Sebab honestly, aku memang judgemental ... :D ... So having someone that I really respect to things that I personally think unnecessary & so not his level to do so, just made me even more judgemental ... Like seriously, if earlier I will say - "Owh, pakcik tu ... Sgt hot, sebab die power giler buat CPM" ... Now there'll be an addition to that story - "Owh, pakcik tu memang hebat pun ... Tapi tu la, gatal" ... Geddit ??

Enough said, individual's behaviour is not something you can change ... No matter what you said ... All I can do, is be aware ... Mcm aku dah tau pakcik tu gatal, so be extra caution being around him ... Jage pemakaian, & watch out my words ... Make sure nothing come out from me yg bole make him use as an excuse ...

Like I always feel it's ok to join the guys' dirty talk every once in a while ... But it might make them simply judge aku ni easy ... So, be extra careful with words when dealing with these kind of guys ... I'm going to stop now ... People's attitude won't change for the world, so it's up to you to make the change that make world a better place ... Till then ~

How To Know, He's Not THE ONE

Good morning, what a refreshing week for those working in Selangor ... Hehe, I managed go to Kerteh on Monday ... Visit my 2nd family there, saje kacau2 dorang ... Show off aku tak keje, haha ... But it was a fun day for me ... Nanti I'll make another entry about that, because it was the best day I had yet ... So far this year ...

Title related, over ntah bape belas failed relationship ni ... I pick up a few confirm signs, about perangai2 lelaki ... That u should be aware of, & I can be 80% confirmed that it's demn true ... Sebab I've been thru 2similar cases last year, cume watak2 adalah b'beza ... Name dirahsiakan, & sorry KA & FA kalau terasa ... Since it's still hot & new, hehe ...

1. When He Hit You


Don't worry, neither KA or FA ever hit me ... But I've been emphasizing this since day 1 aku start blogging, or even earlier than that ... Kaki pukul bukan lah calon suami ideal, walaupun die tak sengaje ... Let's say, t'siku sebab tindakan reflect ... Sengaje atau tidak, pukul perempuan itu tidak cool ... Period ... I've been thru an event, aku kene baling almari oleh seorang b'name lelaki ... What I learnt from that - I know I can definitely take a hit, meaning kalau laki aku abuse aku ... I'm sure aku bole tahan kene tampar or kene humban dgn handphone ... But I choose not to, settle down for a life like that ...

2. When He Ask You for Money


Real gentlemen, don't take money from the ladies ... Mcm mane susah pun, someone u put faith on to be ur children's father shouldn't ask you for money ... Biler u ade rezeki lebih, nak blanjer gi makan mahal2 ... That's a different thing ... Even tok kadi yg nikah kan my kazen said, "Duit bini, xbole mintak ... Tapi kalau die bagi, ambek" ... So when he started to say, "U dah gaji kan ?? Bagi I 2ratus, I tade duit ni" ... That means he have no intention of marrying u, but he's keeping u around for his rainy days ...

3. When He Ask for Your Nude Photo


Biler a guy, ikhlas nak b'kawan with a good intention ... He'll never ask for nude photos, 3g phone sex whatsoever ... Get urself to think girls, booty calls ... & segala yg lucah2 itu, itu ade lah tanggungjawap scandals ... If u're expecting to be treat like a gf, then don't low urself & entertain him ... Takut die carik gf lain ?? Let it be, most probably memang dah ade pun ... So when ur bf start to ask for those, leave because he's not serious ... A guy shud respect you enough, if he picture u as the mother of his children ...

4. When He Let You Drive


Sorry FA, but dulu I ikhlas drive sebab I je yg ade valid license ... Haha ... Face the fact, when slept all the way ... & let u drive 3hundreds km away, u're definitely not on the top of his priority list ... My AQ ?? I just drive 200km pegi balik pun, he took the wheel ... Even I'm a better driver than he is, hehe ... So lucky me, it's a crystal clear comparison ... How much AQ cares, & why I should not put KA anywhere in my priority list ...

5. When He Let You Do What You Want


Ko ckp, "Abe, I nak gi clubbing ... Befday N" ... & he said, "ok" ... Tu makne nyer, die dah xkesah ape nak jadik kat ko ... Auuccchhh, kannn ?? But that's the truth, when he cares ... Kau ckp la, "I nak pegi Penang, Z nak blanjer ... Fully sponsored" ... Die akan ckp, "jgn pegi" ... Biler ko ckp nak pegi clubbing, janji la mcm mane pun ... 'I tak joget, I tak smoke' ... The answer should always be 'NO', no matter what ... Kalau die bagi je, xkesah ... Start looking for a new one yahhh, hehe ...

6. When He Started To Lie


When he lie to you, even if it doesn't involve someone else ... Mcm die tak keje, somehow die nak hide his activities (even die lepak2 dgn member jek pun) from u ... He just jump into conclusion, said 'lying is the best way' ... There must be something wrong there ... Being next to each other should make you feel comfortable, complete ... When he lie, that's mean he's not comfortable being around you ... My advice - leave ... Because he'll keep lying, again & again ...

7. When He Hides You from His Family & Friends


Nak kene explain ke ?? Maybe to meet the parents tu, agak tak relevant biler kau baru kenal 2bln kan ?? But when he denies you in front of his colleagues, especially from work ... Indirectly it means - 'kau tak cukup bagus utk die destroy his reputation at work standing next to u' ... Dlm fb pun buat tatau jek, jage saham kat awek2 dlm his friendlist ... How clearer shud I be ?? Most probably he keeps you around utk geli2 jek ...

8. When He Stops Investing


Ni includes time & money ... When he stop spending his time wif u, or text u sipi2 jek ... When u're bed rest sick, the most he will say - "I hope u get well soon" ... That's mean, u're not worth to waste his time/money on ... Sebab long term, die dah tak nampak u guys' future together ... So he won't put in any more effort, he'll take it easy ... In other hand, he's trying to let u off the hook little by little ... Less calls, less dates ... Dgn harapan, lame2 it's gone ... Bile2 die perlu, die carik ko balik ... U should know better how to handle that, aite ??

I hope it help ... This is a few things that I picked up along the way, tak semesti nye KA do every single thing listed ... Ade jugak a few yg FA buat dulu, then repeated by KA ... By then I'm sure KA pun not for me, somehow I still believe in 2nd chance ... But life is about learning, & it never stops ...

It's all go back to the bottom of ur heart, once I said - "Kalau dah nak tu, dah tau dah c polan ni kaki pompuan ... Tapi degil, nak jugak kan" ?? It depends on individuals' tolerance & patience, ade org bole sabar kalau bf die tak call or tak sms seminggu ... Mcm aku, xbole ... 2minggu hari sudah cukup utk membuat kan aku meroyan hati ini tabah & move on, hahah ... Yup, dgn kate lain - in average, lepas 2weeks aku akan ade bf lain ...

I better stop, sebab confident level aku melimpah ruah skarang ... Keje puji diri sendiri jek, aku pun rimas ... Hahahahahhaahah ... Xde niat nak kutuk sesape dlm post ini, a few things listed pun kalau aku bace balik ... Kene kat batang hidung sendiri, heh ... It's just a few of my experience that I feel worth to share, what's hidden under the sweet lines lelaki2 buaye ...

Nite ~

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Managing the Break Up: Part I

I've been thru an average of 3break ups a year, hahah ... Mesti korang nak ckp, "sampai biler" ... Or secare kasar nyer, "How can you be so stupid, & sampai biler nak learnt" ?? Come on, I can deal wif that ... That's reality check ... So let's not mess this up wif my counting, lemme share what happened on a few days after I broke up ...

Delete All Excess

This is standard procedure, delete fb ... Delete bbm, delete twittter ... In my case, abe ade gf lain ... So, kenape perlu kan delete ?? Instead of berpura-pura cool buat mcm tade pape ?? Sebab aku tanak tgk any hapdet from him & his gf ... & sebab aku gedik, suke hapdet location thru bbm status ... So aku delete him from bbm jugak ... Motif ?? It's one way or another, aku pun tanak die tau mane aku pegi ...

Example: Biler aku buat cupcakes utk lobi potential bf, mesti la aku nak upload my cupcakes kat fb ... Because of the cupcakes kan ?? Bukan sebab the potential bf, cehhh ... Hahah ... Anyway, I don't want him to see that ...

Get Over Your Biggest Fear

We used to say, "I will suffer without you" ... So, get over that ... I put on the shirt we bought together kat Rantau Panjang, & the skirt he bought for me ... The whole day, right after break up ... Ade tak ko nak t'kenang2 ?? Or sikit2 nak cium, ade bau kedai lagi tak kan ?? For me, it went just fine ... Thanks to AQ sebab kept me company, until ... Die gatai tgn pegi msg aku balik kan ... Ok, tu nanti elaborate more on next point ...

Example: Tada, hak hak ... (gambar xbleh haplot plak)

Get Sentimental

How sentimental can you be ?? Aku memang giler sentimental nyer, the 1st hundred notes yang abe bagi aku simpan ... Tapi sebab 1st movie ombak rindu, so aku tak simpan tiket wayang ... In case it's a fail relationship kan, nanti emo2 mcm dlm movie ... Too bad for me, aku tade cincin mahal yg tak sanggup nak baling cam Lisa Surihani dlm citer tu ... Hahah ...

Example: Aku pakai duit yg sentimental sgt tu, shopping ... The best part is, shopping beli baju baru nak gi dating dgn potential bf ?? Revenge is the sweetest thing ?? Takdo makne nye, biler mlm nanti ko hingat kat die balik ... But to me there's 2things here, 1st - get rid of the sentimental items ... 2nd - tenang hati aku dapat shopping ... Owh yahhh, almost forgot ... The other half of the hundred, aku pakai utk beli ingredient cupcakes for potential bf ... S#!t ...

Spend Time B'sama Orang yg T'sayang

This is important, you need someone by urside ... Mcmm aku, mek (gf my brother) slalu ikut dating sampai KT ... So, die sangat memahami segala liku2 dlm my relationship ... Biler sebut pasal abe finally kantoi pegi dating kat Kuantan ... Mek trus ngamuk sakan, hahah ... Ilek mek, ilek ...

Bukan xmo share dgn my mum, or adik cherry ... But I don't wanna break my mum's heart, since die suke sgt kat abe ... Biler aku ckp aku nak gi jumpe abe baru, bole nampak la reaksi kurang selesa ibu saya di situ ... Tapi masih mengekalkan concept yg same, no sad stories ... Xdo eh den nak cito kek omak den perangai ex boipren den tu, kire what passed is passed jek la ... We, all of us (including my family) move on je ... Hokay ??

Example: Gi alamanda, shopping bersama mek + adik lelaki + adik lelaki ... & buat cupcakes bersame mek ...

Don't Get In Touch wif Him or Anyone Related

Trust me, memang korang raser it's the greatest revenge biler ko ngorat bff ex boipren ko ... But it's going to hurt more in future ... Why do I said so ?? Sebab been there, done that ...

Memang la aku lepak dgn member2 (lelaki of course) utk menghilangkan stress ... Tapi lelaki ni, biler jumpe member ... He forgets everything else ... Like he forget kau ade kat seblah,, die men blasah jek citer ngan kengkawan die what happened in Vegas ... Memang la niat ko nak lepak2, hav fun & bukan nye nak korek rahsia ... Somehow kau akan tau, ape yg kau tak tau ... Sebab cerita2 yg t'kongsi bersame itu ...

Example: Biler aku lepak dgn FA, dr elok2 aku tatau what happened for the past 6months ... Tibe2 aku t'hapdet, because adrenalin penceritaan yg rancak ... Hehe, jan risau FA ... I still love u, but not like that ... Heh ...

Enough with that, next post ... I'm going to share wif you guys, how to know when he's not the one ... & if there's anything more to share on this, I'll update it in part 2 ... I'm still fine, emosi masih terkawal ... You guys enjoy the rest of this holiday, I'll get better in time ...

Last but not least, thanks for all the best wishes ...

Things About Me: Part IV - Another Break Up

Hoyehhh, aku tukar bf lagi ... Laju giler hapdet, hak hak ... But this is a general update la, so that people who care ... & generously pouring advises on me, well informed of my current status ... I really appreciate korang nyer advice, cume kadang2 emo sendiri kerana stress ... Please forgive me, kalau tibe2 t'marah ... Or tibe2 I went silent, xreply ur text/bbm/wassapp ...

So I officially left KA, for my own good ... Bukan sebab aku dah ade AG AQ (cait, camne bole sala ni), or aku pegi jumpe FA & he called me darling ... Heh, bukan2 ... Sebab kepentingan diri sendiri terlalu bnyk terabai sebulan ni, it's time for me to treat myself better ... Details ?? Xdo ehhh den nak publish sumer kek cni ...

Nak gossip, siler call or bbm ... Heh ...

Forget he's a good husband, forget my mum really likes him ... When it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be ... & aku xde la desperate sgt, like some other people tu ckp - aku desperate sgt nak kawen sebab tade org nak kat aku ... I'm willing to take the risk, leave everything I have & start fresh ... When I'm not happy, I'll leave ... Bukan stay, makan hati every now & then ... Utk happy ending yg aku sendiri tak pasti ...

Part of it, I'm dealing wif my biggest fear ... So I know, that bukan sebab barang aku worth 5k kat rumah die ... Or bukan my superstitious believe over the sequences of signs that I got from my own judgement yg make me stay all these while ...

For the other side of support team, yg percaye I shud perjuang kan my love ... I'm sorry, bukan xmakan saman dgn ur advice ... But I've done begging, tolerating ... Sumer dah ... I cudn't find my ego at some point ... I've tried for a month now,  now it's time already ...

Xde citer sedih nak share2 d cni, nanti I'll update camne I deal wif the break up ... Buat mase ni I'm fine, ikut lagu fav adik Cherry pun ... Dah puas menangis semalam, heh ... Rite now, dunno how to smile & tell my mum - "Mak, I nak tukar abe baru ... Bole" ?? Demn ...

Till then, please don't worry 'bout me I'm fine (pastu korang sambung nyanyi lagu Neyo ramai2, heh) ...